Found out tonight that I'm the other woman..

[WellThatHurt]

name changed for this..

But pretty much that. I had absolutely no idea and now I feel so so bad. Just can't stop over thinking. Do I tell his wife?

Omg. Never imagined being in this position.

I'd have thanked any woman (or man) who'd told me. They would have given me my sense of my own sanity back - and therefore put my feet firmly back on solid earth. They could have saved me years of misery.

Tell her.

@WellThatHurt

Morning all,

So I told her this morning. It was through facebook as I didnt know how else to contact her. At first she was a little stand-offish, as expected. But by the end she was really thankfull i told her. She had her suspicions, but like he was with me, very good at his game, he had always managed to convince her it was all in her head. We ended up speaking for quite some time in the end. He's at work..maybe..so should be driving. So he doesn't know yet. I'm not sure how this evening will go.

Thanks to everyone who has been supportive and convinced me that telling her was the right thing to do, youve all been ace!

Oh, just saw this.

WELL DONE.

Even though my advice was to the contrary, it does sound that like you did the right thing as she was willing to listen and it has helped her gain clarity.
Well done OP. Hope this evening is ok.

Just take some time to breathe now, you've been through something very stressful.

Well done,op.

Now block on everything is her decision . You have given her the information she needs to make her choice

Well done. Now please concentrate on healing yourself. Block him, and don't look back.

Please, please tell the wife.

She has one child and might very well want another with this utter loser she calls her husband. She and he may be planning a house sale or a move to another part of the country, away from her family.

Don't leave her without all the information she needs to make important decisions.

You can send screenshots of messages, or tell her through a third party - but she should know.

Whoops! Too late!

Glad you did it. It was the right thing to do.

Hope you're feeling ok. What he did to you was not respectful at all either.

Really good you told her. It sounds like if she had suspicions then you’ve saved her a lot of trouble and stress of wondering what was going on.

I had a fling with a guy. And had no idea he was married with a kid. Wish I’d told her at the time and still think about it. But can’t remember his surname to find him on fb. Also it was years ago.

Well done OP. You've done brilliantly.

It's exactly as many people in the tell camp thought. He was making her doubt her own sanity.

You can really let him go from your head now. Hope you've blocked him from any possible media.

Thanks again to everyone on here who made me see a little sense!

This is probably the final update (ill check back for any replies though) but i didnt want to not inform you how it all went.

I heard NOTHING last night, while I don't believe he could be aggressive, I did expect some retaliation from him once he had got home to the wife.
I woke up to a message this morning asking if he could fetch his stuff. It read nothing more that "please can I collect my clothes and stuff?" I told him not to come here but i'd meet him at Tesco with all his things.. i was thinking, public place, fairly busy even during a pandemic. Anyway I met him, he told me he was sorry, i told him hes apologising to the wrong woman. He told me hes going to his brothers when hes fetched some bits from "home". I said its for the best cause wife is gonna be seething at him. He cried, I didnt. I got back in my car and left.

I wont be seeing him again, ever. I wont be contacting him again, ever. And i now have nothing that belongs to him so he can never have a reason to contact me.

I feel for his wife and son!

Anyway I met him, he told me he was sorry, i told him hes apologising to the wrong woman.

He's sorry he was found out. You are bloody fabulous! You handled this beautifully. His wife has now been given the opportunity to plan her and her child's life.

Good luck to you, OP.

Well done OP, that must have been hard, but at least his wife can now make decisions for herself knowing the truth.

His poor wife and child. She deserves to know so she can decide whether to leave the scumbag and so she can get an STD test immediately.

Honestly can't get my head around how so many people say not to tell as if they would not want to know their husband was shagging around?! Would you rather hide from the truth? Madness.

❤👏

Good for you, OP.

What a pathetic shit he is.

What a horrid situation. Hope you're ok OP and fwiw I think you did the right thing.

Poor woman.

And he treated you very badly too. You deserve much better.

Would be surprised if this was his first affair, given how well he lied for so long.

Well done OP.
No-one told me although people knew.
I had to think I was going totally insane for months.
On edge, knowing but not knowing.
Stomach in knots.
Trying to find evidence.
It's fucking awful.
I'll never quite forgive my 'friends' who knew and never told me.
They could have saved me months of turmoil!

I hope his wife kicks him out too.
No way is this his first rodeo.
Fucking men - I hate them!

Those tears are for no one but himself.🙄

The decent thing now would be to tell his wife. She needs to know and she will need evidence. Otherwise( even though she is none the wiser now), how can she move forward without having the full true picture? If he's cheated once, he can do it again and the next time, she could be pregnant or could have had another child. Knowledge is power. I'm sure you'll do it in the kindest way.

@indecisiveness1

His poor wife and child. She deserves to know so she can decide whether to leave the scumbag and so she can get an STD test immediately.

Honestly can't get my head around how so many people say not to tell as if they would not want to know their husband was shagging around?! Would you rather hide from the truth? Madness.

I said I wouldn’t tell the wife. I wasn’t thinking from the wife’s perspective (of course I’d want to know) but from the “other woman’s” perspective because that is who the post is from. You don’t know what kind of reaction you’re going to get from the wife. She may blame you. She might seek revenge. Who knows? I just didn’t think it was OPs responsibility to tell her. I didn’t want to make her feel like she was guilty of anything and should carry that burden to tell the wife if she didn’t feel up to it. As it turns out, OP wanted to tell her. Which is her prerogative and luckily it’s turned out quite well for her. 😊

A masterclass in how to do it with dignity!

Well done OP (imho) you handled this perfectly! I've been in your situation and still remember the horrible feeling even though I hadn't done anything wrong.

What hurt most were the so-called 'friends' who kept his secret, so I chose not to keep in contact with them either.

Good luck and hold your head high

Well done OP. You did the right thing, and remained dignified