Found out tonight that I'm the other woman..

[WellThatHurt]

name changed for this..

But pretty much that. I had absolutely no idea and now I feel so so bad. Just can't stop over thinking. Do I tell his wife?

Omg. Never imagined being in this position.

Sounds as if he's acting like nothing happened. Jeez, he's overconfident, isn't he? Or he's trying to 'keep you sweet' so you don't narc him off.

What an a-hole!

Pretty much Acrossthepond. When he actually told me last night I think he genuinely thought id just roll over and be happy to "keep our little secret" as he put it. Nope. Nope. Nope.

What a cheating scumbag?! I think you're right to tell his wife, I'd want to know

That attitude by some men is pretty much just as infuriating as the lies they tell to hide a marriage. It's like "So not only do you think it's OK to like to me, you think I should be OK with those lies once I found out the truth". How stupid do they think we are? And how stupid are they for thinking we're that stupid!!!

I would definitely want to know.
Can't understand someone wanting to be kept in the dark that my husband was denying our relationship.

Prick .

Well done OP.

I'd want to know if it was my husband, so I'd tell her.

I know of someone having an affair with a married woman. She confessed to her husband. He told the man's wife but the husband got wind of this and told his wife himself.

I hope you are okay *@WellThatHurt.

Don't tell his wife. She is not your responsibility; she may already be aware that he cheats. Just extricate yourself with dignity. Don't feel bad - nothing about this is on you

Does he know where you live? I’m worried if you tell the wife he will kick off.

I was cheated on by my ExH. If the OW had come to me I would have wanted to believe ExH so bad (even when I found the texts I let him try to explain but they were talking about leaving me after a family holiday) I think you will need proof. Also you will probably be the ‘bad guy’ initially in her eyes as she’ll be wanting to blame this on someone and you’ll be easier to blame.

Unless of course she already has suspicions- in that case this might be very helpful info particularly if you have proof. In that circumstance I could see the guy kicking off as he suddenly loses control of both of you.

Oh- and please give her specific dates and after that as much information as she wants. ExH never actually told me how it when it started and it still bugs me now not knowing how much of that last year was ‘real’

For all those saying 'why wouldn't you tell",
I would certainly want to but (like others have said) this is rarely a case of "state the truth and be done with it".
No matter what the outcome for their relationship, you may become a target for both husband and/or wife.
I would hate to potentially get my name and life dragged through mud, for what exactly?
I would probably be sad, angry and disappointed at current events and the last thing needed is to deal with the possible fallout should I get dragged into it.

Of course, none of this may happen but considering it's my life, it would make me very wary.
It's hard enough rebuilding your trust and confidence in your own aftermath but can you handle it, if the disclosure goes badly?

Erm... honestly, you don’t need to prove to her he is a cheater, a photo, a significant message is enough. You just give her some clear message, wash your hands from it and leave them to it.

If she explodes and demands evidence or is in ANY way nasty to you, block her and let her sort her own mess. You are as innocent on this as she is ,don’t let anyone treat you as if you caused this. He is the cheater, not you.

You do your good deed by providing a clue and let her to join the dots, if she doesn’t believe you, let her be, it is her problem, not yours, you already kicked the bastard out

Morning all,

So I told her this morning. It was through facebook as I didnt know how else to contact her. At first she was a little stand-offish, as expected. But by the end she was really thankfull i told her. She had her suspicions, but like he was with me, very good at his game, he had always managed to convince her it was all in her head. We ended up speaking for quite some time in the end. He's at work..maybe..so should be driving. So he doesn't know yet. I'm not sure how this evening will go.

Thanks to everyone who has been supportive and convinced me that telling her was the right thing to do, youve all been ace!

I hope she kicks him out.

Good for you, best thing to do, I hope you don't get shit for it though

I’d want to know if I was the wife. But as the girlfriend I wouldn’t tell. It’s not your problem, it will only attract aggro - possibly from the wife and her friends, definitely from the husband who you’ve grassed up. What if he retaliates because you’ve caused trouble for him? Just cut contact and walk away, let them sort out their own relationship.

Well done you, that took some balls. On to better things!

Well done OP. you did the right thing.

Well done OP and for what it's worth I really think you've handled this respectfully towards the wife and with grace and maturity

Well done @WellThatHurt. That must've taken courage. At least she knows for sure, there is nothing worse than suspicions and nothing concrete.

I'm glad you managed to tell her. I wonder if she will end it now?

Good for you for telling her. How it pans out from here is up to her but she knows the truth.

Well done OP. You've done the right thing.

You’ve definitely done the right thing OP, well done!

You did the right thing.