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Hoarder is finally decluttering whole house.... how do you stop the shame though?

179 replies

LewisFan · 23/06/2020 12:34

So I'm a hoarder due to mh and other stuff. Finally got my mh sorted so now it's time for a new slate.

My whole tiny terrace is full of 17 years worth of childrens clothes, toys, paperwork... literally all sorts. I even have a stage1 car seat for family trips still.... my nephew is 8!

My home does not look like a tv hoarding show, but its time to get rid.

How do I stop the feelings of shame? It's so powerful... I could literally sob throughout this process.

3 bags down, eleventybajillion to go..... good job I got a skip!

OP posts:
spiderlight · 24/06/2020 12:29

Woah - what a difference!! Well done!

Gogogadgetarms · 24/06/2020 13:49

Good for you OP, you are inspiring me to have a clear out!

hippoherostandinghere · 24/06/2020 22:22

Hope it's still going well Lewis and you're finding the task liberating. Just take it step by step.

Izzy2020 · 24/06/2020 22:39

God, wish I could start decluttering. I have many mh issues and struggle with life in general, not least because I'm an M2F Trans-woman and as a train driver killed 3 people - plus a ton of other sh*t that always follows me around. I won't bore you with it all, but as the saying goes, if it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all.
I have had major breakdowns which lasted years and years, and last Month realised I had had another minor breakdown. I have also had suicide attempts.
Buying stuff is my crutch.
Moving around in my house has always been a problem - now made worse by the recent death of my Mother and claiming items (between me and my brother) as mementos from her house as we clear it, and bringing them back here!
I have sought counselling, but because of my many 'problems' I am too complex for anybody to deal with so I struggle on alone.
Congrats to you @LewisFan on starting your tidy-up and I hope for your sake it continues. One day I might follow your example .................. one day!!!!

SlightyJaded · 24/06/2020 22:43

@Izzy2020

You just haven't found the right counsellor yet. You are not too complex for anyone to deal with, you just need to find the right person. I know that sounds easier said than done, but in your shoes, i would make this a priority. You deserve happiness.

CaCaCaCaffeineBomb · 24/06/2020 23:05

You sound amazing, OP. My OH can't put things out, it's been a massive struggle, there's still a box in the boot of his car which has nowhere to go - we've moved together into a tiny flat.

I've managed to get rid of so much of me and my children's excess things but even putting out his very old, very holey pants was a problem and made him sensitive, even though we had already replaced them with lots of lovely new ones in the style he prefers.

Pain in the arse, but I've had my moments and I understand. I hang on to odd items and end up with several shoe boxes of tiny trinkets and memories and things which eventually cannot always be distinguished from other similar items.

A few weeks back I got ruthless and went through each shoe box. I've chucked so much. I've been posting my stored artwork to various friends as surprises as and when I can afford the postage (they genuinely love the art, which is nice, some I can cut into postcards too).

We've got an old TV and a very old chair to go and OH still hadn't booked a recycling centre slot (he always has the car and random schedules for work so I can't do that) and some bags of clothes.

But it feels good they're going.

Things were easier a) when the kids were tiny and portable and just didn't have the same level of stuff, and b) when I hadn't gone down so many exciting new crafting journeys...

Crafting clutter is the worst. I've been donating things to people where possible.

It doesn't matter if it's one item a day or a bag a day, you're doing something and you sound so positive, that I feel a bit more spurred on to muster the energy to stick myself back in to it if I can, this week. Thank you.

And to the other PP going through the same, you're all wonderful people and you can do it. One day at a time.

WitchDancer · 25/06/2020 10:51

How are you doing Lewis? It doesn't matter of you haven't done anything else, we are here to hold your hand in the bad spots and cheer you on throughout the great days. 🤝

LewisFan · 25/06/2020 12:56

Hi everyone, sorry for the gap in posting, I needed to step away as was using it to procrastinate.

Anyway.... I still have stuff in my room to sort, but ran outta space Grin

I'm ordering another skip bag next week (payday) to finish the rest.... there's way more than it looks in there as we packed the skip with absolutely no gaps, so it is solidly stuffed!

I'm having the rest of the week off for my mh and work benefits cos I have an extremely stressful job and just need a few days, so no more progress for a bit.

To be continued....

Hoarder is finally decluttering whole house.... how do you stop the shame though?
OP posts:
PurBal · 25/06/2020 13:04

Well done! This is awesome. DH and I are both hoarders and occasionally I'll try to have a clear out but anything that is "his" he refuses to let go of. We have years worth of calendars, because he likes the pictures. Fml, I basically married my father.

KaronAVyrus · 25/06/2020 13:05

Wow! You’ve done so well.

Take a couple of days off to regroup and then smash the rest of it. You can do it 💪🏽

WitchDancer · 25/06/2020 13:17

You have done brilliantly, I hope you are proud of what you have achieved!

simonisnotme · 25/06/2020 14:00

wow! that and you are amazing well done

Wolfiefan · 25/06/2020 17:21

I did a tiny bit more today and planned what to do next week. You’ve really inspired me!

LewisFan · 25/06/2020 17:32

@Wolfiefan that's great! No mean feat in today's temperatures either!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 25/06/2020 19:00

Just a few minutes at a time will make all the difference.
We’ve already cleared the loft (had it converted) and the garage (now a dog bedroom!)
I’ve cleared out magazines and credit card statements and books I’ve had for 20 years! I even found details of car services for cars I haven’t owned in years! Blush
I figure that if there’s less stuff and if everything has a place then I will feel better. And cleaning will be easier.
I’ve even sorted out THAT drawer in the kitchen. Grin

QualityFeet · 25/06/2020 20:02

Izzy2020 maybe now isn’t the right time for you to start but that time can come. Try again with the counselling - my dh has had loads and some are a better fit than others. He is much better and was as bad as things get pretty much.
I am sorry that you had traumatic train driving experiences and that you have lost your mother recently. Sounds really hard.

QualityFeet · 25/06/2020 20:03

I did that drawer in the kitchen last week Wolfiefan-it’s growing again already!

MulticolourMophead · 25/06/2020 21:18

OP, well done, I bet it feels good to get so much cleared.

@Izzy2020 I'm so sorry for your loss, and I sincerely hope you can find the right counsellor for you, for your future. When you're ready to make a start on your decluttering, I'll be happy to join a support thread and cheer you on. Thanks

torthecatlady · 28/06/2020 23:06

@LewisFan Amazing work so far! I love the picture updates! How have you found the hippo bags? I’m tempted to get one for when I need to get rid of the garden shed amongst other things.

I followed Marie Kondo’s method a couple of years ago but got stuck on sentimental items. Since then, clutter has started creeping back. Throughout lockdown we have filled a whole spare room with stuff for the charity shop which will be going next week! rubs hands together I cannot wait.

Heaviestdirtyestsoul · 28/06/2020 23:13

Wow! Well done! Just getting your head round making a start is hard enough- but look what you have done already! Any advice on starting? X

tectonicplates · 28/06/2020 23:38

Well done OP! You should seriously feel proud of what you've achieved!

LaneBoy · 03/07/2020 11:12

How are you getting on @LewisFan? :)

LewisFan · 03/07/2020 19:42

@torthecatlady the bags are fantastic - I fitted loads in and when he came to get it, I asked if there was much room left and he said there was loads, so I could have crammed even more in.

Also, my road is awful for parking - I managed to get my own car outside my house on the Thursday and couldn't move it till the guy came on Monday incase he needed access, but the crane just picked it up right over the car ShockGrin.

I've actually ordered another one as it was so good. You get 6 months to book collection, so you can take time to fill them up.

@LaneBoy ... watch this space. Going to Stage 2 over next 2/3 weeks, then I'll have NO clutter left - not even in the shed Grin

OP posts:
torthecatlady · 04/07/2020 04:30

@LewisFan wow that's impressive! Parking is a nightmare here too. I'll try and convince Dh - I like that you get 6 months to fill it too.

I took the huge pile of stuff to the charity shop today. The car was completely full and it felt so good to get it out of the spare room.

My job for the weekend is to fill a couple of bags for life to go as well. I also have a box of DVDs to sell to Ziffit / music magpie.

Hoarder is finally decluttering whole house.... how do you stop the shame though?
LifeAdvice · 04/07/2020 07:44

@LewisFan you are amazing.

You are making it look easy, but I know it’s not. Well done on doing the hard work to fix your MH issues, and to get you to the point where you don’t need the clutter anymore. Once you’ve started the momentum of seeing a finished room keeps you going, but I know that first initial room (or skip!) is hard work.

Once again - you are amazing. Such an inspiration. Onwards for stage 2!