Hoarder is finally decluttering whole house.... how do you stop the shame though?

[LewisFan]

So I'm a hoarder due to mh and other stuff. Finally got my mh sorted so now it's time for a new slate.

My whole tiny terrace is full of 17 years worth of childrens clothes, toys, paperwork... literally all sorts. I even have a stage1 car seat for family trips still.... my nephew is 8!

My home does not look like a tv hoarding show, but its time to get rid.

How do I stop the feelings of shame? It's so powerful... I could literally sob throughout this process.

3 bags down, eleventybajillion to go..... good job I got a skip!

There is some wonderful advice on this thread and your updates have made me feel a bit emotional, you are doing a great job tackling this now and just imagine how amazing it will feel in your lovely home with new things to use and lots of space around you! Please share the before and after pics with us.

In fact, I have been avoiding my ‘room of shame’ for a year and your post has hoisted me off my backside to tackle it right now! Thank you.

Let go of the shame, focus on feeling proud of what you are currently achieving.

Good on you, it takes a lot of commitment and effort to clear a house that has so much stuff in it.

You will feel so much clearer and lighter once you can see a difference. One totally cleared room will feel amazing!

Keep your mind focussed on where you are going rather than where you have been and really appreciate what you are doing for yourself now.

Good Luck on your journey.

I'm a hoarder too, trying to declutter at the moment too. My hoard was there to comfort me and fill the hole, that is never going to be filled. It too depresses me when I look at it and what it represents.

Basically, I am trying to get rid of it so it isn't there to remind me of my bad days, and I'm trying not to refill where possible. But also it didn't fill that hole and never will, nothing can. But the hoard is dragging me down so I need to get rid as much as possible.

I am also motivated by a visit from the paramedics and could see them eyeing up my clutter. If I had needed a stretcher from upstairs I don't think they could have got me out, but I live in danger that this will be needed in my future. Plus I didn't want to leave my son in the position that he will have to do this if I don't, and will just get rid of everything rather than choose to keep the odd memento.

So I am with you, its very hard, but we will get through this.

Don't spend too much time lingering over stuff either, if you haven't looked at in in over a year chances are you don't really need it. Be brutal!

I had a mantra when I was unexpectedly dumped, and heartbroken.

"I release you. You are free and and I am free"

It really helped. Maybe it will help to repeat it after every bag dumped?

Plus all the self praise!

I kept telling myself to be proud of what I was doing now rather than ashamed of what had gone before, it helped some I shifted 60 black bags out of one room alone during my clear out so I know exactly how you're feeling, push through the shame and try to see this for the hugely positive thing it is, it will 100% be worth it.

The good news is my house is still pretty much clutter-free 18 months down the line, the level of shame we feel is a really good deterrent to letting it build up again! Good luck, keep going and be proud of what you're achieving. And remember, you deserve a nice home as much as anyone else, don't deny yourself any longer

@Tianalia that's exactly what tim doing... just throwing, taking out paperwork to burn separately

It's going quicker than I imagined...

Well done! You've taken a big step, you should be really proud of yourself.

Stamp on that shame. Having come through a crisis is nothing to be ashamed of. Sob if you want to, it can be cathartic.

Allow yourself to feel the emotions of getting rid of it all,
Then be pleased when it’s done!

No shame required, you've turned a corner. Life is on the up!

This is wonderful and powerful. Keep going :)

Wow you are amazing.

there's no need for you to feel any shame, everyone declutters from time to time.

Keep going until you feel comfortable with your environment. Best of luck.

It's going quicker than I imagined.

That's brilliant. You'll feel so much better.

Maybe the shame will disappear along with the stuff?

I am the same, Lewis and I need help to declutter really but don't want anyone seeing it all. However I am determined to do it, starting this week, a bit at a time.

Well done you for cracking on and I'm glad your mh problems are better.

Lewisfan and any one else

Come and join us on The decluttering one thing a day thread we have been going for some time (About 2 years) a lot of the MN we’re doing 2020 out this year, but a lot of us have done our whole houses We update each other and generally give each other support and helpful tips.

We are also very kind and we don’t do shame!! We do change!! And support.
You will find us in Housekeeping !!

Isn’t it surprising how quick you get things done when you manage to start op? People tend to look at the task as a whole and lost all motivation to do anything about it. When you break it down and actually make a start, you fly through it. And what have you got to be ashamed about? You had poor mental health, and from the sounds of it you were living in poverty. Now you’ve worked to improve your circumstances and it’s paying off. I like pp’s idea of giving your shame a name if it’s a problem (I’d definitely stick with basil though) 😂 And take those pictures op. Otherwise you will forget how bad it was before. It’ll be good to have a reminder of how well you’ve done and how far you’ve come. And it may also serve as a kick up the arse so you don’t slip back into bad habits, the picture will remind you how horrendous you felt back then to how you feel now. Good luck!!

My wonderful old herbalist, who was the wisest woman I've ever met, would tell you to sit down with the shame, have a cup of tea with it, acknowledge what it's taught you and then thank it and let it go. You should be immensely proud that you're tackling this issue now - good luck!

I am in awe of you.

Be prepared to feel wobbly afterwards, this is a huge step and make clear plans to manage everything afterwards too because hoarding is a habit like any other and you have to break it. I'm sure you've thought of all this as you sound really focused. Know what you want/need, where everything "goes" and enjoy maintaining a space full of things you love and appreciate, including yourself.

Ok to help others.... here is "the start". It feels like there is shame attached to the premise of "before/after" so I'm now going to say the start and the goal....

This is my bedroom.....

I'll show you progress tonight when I stop for the day... (this is already 2 bags better than when I started) I am aiming to reach my goal of seeing the desk and the floor....

Please send a rescue team if I disappear

Well done! You are doing amazingly well. I’m so excited for you, just imagine how free you will feel when there is space around you and you can enjoy your home.

Pericombobulations

Having told us how you feel is half the battle, you realise why you have hoarded so hopefully you will be able to heal now along with you home!!

You should feel proud of yourself as you have done the hardest thing you have started!!

Try this idea on

Everytime the shame or negativity wells up say out loud to the room

I forgive myself. Its OK, Im OK. I forgive myself for letting all this build up and not doing xyz.

Its very simple but I found it amazingly effective and helps you keep going.

If you get stuck on whether you can thrown something away, try looking it at saying thank you for helping me , but I dont need you anymore, its time to move on. Its a bit wooo, but again strangely comforting and allowed me to let things go that I had been clinging onto ‘just in case’

Huge congrats that you are started, I’ll be thinking of you through the week, mentally cheering you on