Hoarder is finally decluttering whole house.... how do you stop the shame though?

[LewisFan]

So I'm a hoarder due to mh and other stuff. Finally got my mh sorted so now it's time for a new slate.

My whole tiny terrace is full of 17 years worth of childrens clothes, toys, paperwork... literally all sorts. I even have a stage1 car seat for family trips still.... my nephew is 8!

My home does not look like a tv hoarding show, but its time to get rid.

How do I stop the feelings of shame? It's so powerful... I could literally sob throughout this process.

3 bags down, eleventybajillion to go..... good job I got a skip!

Well done for getting started. I think there are a lot of us with hoarding tendencies and you are better than most of us because you are doing something about it.

Before and after photos are good. You don't have to share them with anyone else but it'll be good for you to look at how far you've come and what you've achieved.

Try to be proud of yourself that you've worked on your mental health and now you're working on your home environment. Imagine how good you'll feel when it's done. If you do feel shame, don't beat yourself up for having those emotions.

I'm not a hoarder, but my flat is a tip at the moment and I can't seem to summon up the motivation to sort it out.

Rather than shame I would view this as a positive step to getting well and moving on to a more ordered and peaceful life. Try if you can you view it as someone else's stuff. Imagine you have moved in and inherited it and try and factually and emotionally detach yourself from it and what it represents. It is in the past, look at getting rid of the stuff as your future. Good luck.

Notice the thoughts
Say it out loud
Do a small thing (you're doing loads!!!)
Be grateful (eg, that you're getting out of the woods now and for the pleasure you had from the stuff at the time)
What would you say to a friend? (perhaps what we're saying now- don't be ashamed feel great that you're doing it now! Genuinely well done )

I bag at a time.
I have no idea how you are feeling - I am tidying one room that has a range of junk/things kept just in case. I a bag for give away - a bag for keep and a bag for throw away... I am doing an hour, then stopping for a cup of tea and a mumsnet and then off I go again

Set yourself small goals. Really small at first. 1 black bag of rubbish, 1 surface cleared.

Once you are achieving your small goals then congratulate yourself, you are one step closer to the end and dealing with things comfortably.

Then make the goals a tiny bit bigger. Write them down in a notebook.

If you don't manage a goal, for whatever reason then look back at what you have already achieved and release your inner Scarlett O'Hara for the next day.

If it has taken you 17 years to build up your stash it is not gong to be gone in a day or a week, but it will go, and it won't take 17 years.

Never mind ‘shame’. Don’t waste a single second worrying about it. You are tackling the problem and that’s what’s important.

One pile of junk at a time.
One bag of crap at at time.
Just keep going.
You WILL get there.

Well done & Good luck!

Well done for making a start. Its very easy to accumulate family clutter.
That's are there so many books and videos about decluttering around at the moment? because its something lots of people struggle with so you are not alone. Be kind to yourself. And it gets easier as you go because chucking out the rubbish is so satisfying once you have allowed yourself not to think how much it cost originally or said you should ebay it. (ebay works for some but ultimately junk is junk)
It is so hard to let go of sentimental items connected with your children's childhood. Take some digital photos. then you can remember them in a positive way. Best of luck

Do you know what, you could have discreetly taken a bag a week to the charity shop, that would take years, but you got a skip, so you a tackling this head on and not dragging out the process forever & ever.

You should be proud of that, at the very least.

That is bloody amazing bravery.

To echo pp’s, you’re doing brilliantly, stick on a pair of sunglasses, put on some loud feel good music and wave cheerfully every time you see someone - there is no shame here.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, you have been ill.
You will get a great satisfaction for anything you can donate instead of throwing.
Although, I know it's hard atm and you'll probably just want it all gone.
keep posting and let us know how you are getting on, you are amazing for even seeing it and wanting to tackle the hoard.

If I knew you I would look at you and know you where amazing. Getting this far is an inspiration not a source of shame. Shame is for very different actions. You are amazing.

Going to lurk in here if that' ok? I'm in a similar position except my MH isn't better, in fact due to the life changing, probably saving too tbh treatment I was supposed to start this summer being postponed indefinitely due to covid it's worse than ever. But I want to be at this point so badly. You can do this, and I hope soon I can too

Stop the shame by actively (literally) giving yourself a pat on the back, a thumbs up, a yay (arms in the air) or word of praise for every bag you dump. That will rewire your brain to feel this is a wonderful process of which you are rightly proud. (DC are 17 and 18 and I still have their car seats in the loft. Ahem) I admire you.

I have taken this week off work partly cos I needed a bit of a break but mostly to sort the house out so I'm on a timed roll.

I'm doing 1 room a day (there's only 4 rooms!) so that by the end of the week.... by Friday it will be DONE.

Then I can spend the weekend replacing pots, pans, essentials because I'm throwing it ALL.... it's all rusty and awful and I've made do for 18 years with very used/cheap stuff I got when I was on benefits, but I'm in a well paying job now and will be forever so I can get decent things.

It'll be nice to get in bed and not trip over things!

I think you should feel pride in overcoming mental health issues. Take the before and after pictures to remind yourself how far you have come.

I don’t think you should feel ashamed at all. It’s not a crime to hoard. Speak politely to yourself, you are recovering from an illness and making steps (big strides really) to sort out your house. You should feel excited and proud if anything. Keep going but don’t exhaust yourself particularly in this hot weather.

@FuckingWaffleDoggy feel free to pm any time... you will get there. We will be here for you when you need cheering on too

Your attitude is just amazing. So strong and positive. Pride probably feels a long way off, but you will feel it when you've got your lovely new essentials and you're cooking yourself a gorgeous meal in your new pans. I'd recommend treating yourself to a nice set of bed linen as well.

Well done op. I'm the same. I'm nearly finished decluttering now. It's taken a while chipping away at it, and a huge breakthrough in the last month. As things get clearer it gets easier and easier. Seriously every bag you get rid of makes you feel better and better. Hang in there. You're doing a brilliant job.

Pack a bit of shame in each bag/box that goes out and replace the empty space with pride (I was ashamed of that pile of clutter, but now it’s gone). You have overcome a huge hurdle and are tackling things head on, not wallowing, which is fabulous!

Keep your head down. Take one bag/box at a time. Before you now it, there won't be anything left to sort and your home will be beautiful again.
Congratulations for overcoming your demons. The only way now is up! x

Try and focus on going forward not looking back. Think about how amazing your house will look and take satisfaction from every bag you fill and when it leaves the house.

Take pride in each step your taking and most of all be kind to yourself. We never choose to have an illness.

Good luck!

@LewisFan I am so impressed by your message and the force and positivity behind it. No shame whatsoever - what you are doing is not only really admirable, but writing about it here will have already helped other people who might not be able to see their way there yet. GO FOR IT. It might be amazing to start with and then feel a bit overwhelming - just be prepared for that sensation, set yourself some manageable targets and do little bits. you are amazing!