Hoarder is finally decluttering whole house.... how do you stop the shame though?

[LewisFan]

So I'm a hoarder due to mh and other stuff. Finally got my mh sorted so now it's time for a new slate.

My whole tiny terrace is full of 17 years worth of childrens clothes, toys, paperwork... literally all sorts. I even have a stage1 car seat for family trips still.... my nephew is 8!

My home does not look like a tv hoarding show, but its time to get rid.

How do I stop the feelings of shame? It's so powerful... I could literally sob throughout this process.

3 bags down, eleventybajillion to go..... good job I got a skip!

People tend to look at the task as a whole and lost all motivation to do anything about it.

Yup. That's me. I'm like that. Mind you I saved EVERYTHING!!!! Then I had a moment of clarity and realised you can buy tissue paper, like everywhere. I have the hell on toast that is the wardrobe to deal with.

Lewisfan

You go for it!! Just think how lovely it will feel to wake up in a calm tidy Clean bedroom!! Will make you feel like a new person.

Oh brilliant! I was dying to see before and after pics. Was going to suggest you putting them on here but didn’t think you’d be brave enough.

Good for you OP.
Finally a feel good thread!!!
I’ve been doing a massive clear out of my children’s bedrooms prompted by time on my hands during lockdown. I’m almost done and I’ve made £90 in the process. What’s left will be heading to the charity shop they minute they re-open!!!
Once they are back to school in September I’ll be doing my bedroom.

Good for you. You're brave for tackling it and extra brave for putting it on here and inspiring others. Thank you so much. I'm staying tuned for the next picture.

As others have said, there's absolutely no need to feel shame. Acknowledge the emotion, if it helps, but then remind yourself to take pride that you're moving past it, putting it in the past with every step in a more positive direction.

You're doing it! You deserve a round of applause!

dont feel ashamed OP feel empowered
you have taken a huge step and know by the end of the week you will be feeling amazing and probably knackered
well done

Amazing OP, think the before and after pics will show you what progress you have made in 1 day so you can always delete after, skip outside is super encouraging and you sound so positive about it, you will feel great after and be able to enjoy your lovely home x

Don't feel shame, feel proud! We only have control over the present, we can't do anything about the past. You're doing something really great for yourself

Shame for what? There is no need to feel shame for anything that you are dealing so well with.

Go you!

Don’t feel ashamed. Feel proud you’ve recovered enough to tackle this.
I say this as someone who has just shredded over 20 years of credit card statements.

Honestly the best thing you can do is just blindly throw it all out. Don’t dwell on it, don’t reminisce. Just get a skip and chuck. Then if you want you can buy new things to fit your space based on what you want

I decluttered with the Marie Kondo method, it was quite good fun in the end.

Very well done

If you put your shame feelings aside, are you able to notice other feelings about decluttering, like excitement or feeling proud? Think how great you will feel as your home starts to change, and you make an impact! Keep chipping away at the clutter, and enjoying the results. Well done for starting.

Well done @Lewisfan

I'm SO impressed with what you are doing

I am currently sorting through and clearing my late DH's stuff - he had held onto stuff from his late DM and the exhaustion and emotion of doing this is huge.

Cheering you on!

You're doing SO well OP. Firstly by recognising the issue

Keep taking photos, even if they're just for you, you'll find that they give you motivation to keep going. "look how this room looked like yesterday morning... And this morning!"

I think you are very strong if you are able to do it yourself. I have cleared similar properties in my previous job and it was very hard for the owner not to look in the bin bag and 'salvage' items - I would strongly recommend getting some help from someone you trust not to judge but to keep you on track and motivated.

Well done OP

I've found some articles on this blog helpful. He addresses the mindset around getting rid of clutter. He has a very gentle and kind appoach.

clutterbusting.com/youre-sacred-your-things-are-not-clutter-busting-talk-with-brooks/

Unfortunately OP the pain is part of the process. Every time you feel sad or ashamed just feel it. Then remember those feelings when you feel the urge to hoard again.

I have hoarding tendanceys I'm currently sorting out my dd clothes and torn between Ebay or the charity shop.

Take before and after photos just for you, then when you have wobble you can look back on your progress.

You are so lucky. Most hoarders never get clarity. But you have. You can do this.

Just remember it's all served its purpose so its time to wave it good bye

LewisFan another voice (also on the decluttering one thing threads😁😆) saying well done you. it’s great that you have the Will and the time to tackle it just take it one bag or box at a time. Remember it’s taken a long time to build up but you definitely can do this please pace yourself and have lots of breaks too. Come and visit the one thing a day thread it has helped me enormously think about areas that I would have missed. The thing isn’t the memory so do you need it or would a photo stir that memory just as well? On a practical level most car seat manufacturers give a useful lifetime as the plastic can degrade one thing you don’t need to stress about finding a new home for - if they are that old out they go!

Forgot to say I love the ideas that you are recognising that you are worth nice new items I really hope you enjoy choosing them. This is something I struggle with I spent about a year dithering about whether to buy a sewing machine with extra features rather than sticking with one I’d been given. My DH in the meantime had spent a small fortune on his hobby.

Really, really pleased for you, LewisFan, you should be proud of yourself and speak only kindly to and about yourself. This is not a little thing that you have climbed over, it's m-a-s-s-i-v-e! And you're doing it.

You have so much to look forward to, nice pots and pans and things that you deserve that will make you happy to look around you and see. Enjoy every minute of that.

I have just one word of caution; if you're disposing of old bills and papers with your personal details on, don't be tempted to just bung them into black bags because council sites get broken into for the purposes of stealing personal info. If you know somebody with a log burner or can have a bonfire in your garden, or have a shredder, you won't be worrying about that.

Really happy for you and bloody well done!

Well done hun, one day at a time :-)

Well done - so impressed. My MIL had hoarding tendencies. Paperwork 'just in case' and every bit of everything else because it held a memory - even all the junk she'd accumulated from charity shops. We couldn't persuade her to part with anything because she had this irrational fear that if she got rid of the object, she'd lose the memory and the emotions that came with it.

We racked our brains and in the end, once we'd persuaded her to get rid of the non emotive stuff, we asked her to talk us through all the shite that was left. We took photos and wrote down what it meant to her and got the pictures and memories put in a photobook. That was she was able to ditch the plastic clown that DH had given her when he was six, along with the box of tupperware that made her think of sunny picnics, along with the piles of charity shop crap. If you get stuck on some sentimental stuff and you really want to get rid, this might be an option.