BAME mum with mixed children...

[JJJuice]

DH is white, I'm not. DS due to start year 1 in September.

I have always been terrified of what my children may experience/hear throughout their school lives, I didn't have a good one myself and from those years it has given me a lifetime of anxiety, low confidence and trauma thanks to you if you were a bully, delete your be kind shit posts off your social media. After all the happening of now to stop racism I feel that teachers/mums/other children will be told to be extra careful around them and so on, happens to me in everyday life, that's uncomfortable too. There isn't a win situation and my children will have to go through it. It hurts me so much.

I've seen it happen at the playground, mums fake smiling to me when their DC come up to mine then quickly picking them up to go to another part.
Mums at stores and playgroups staring out my children's differences (hair, facial features) - I stopped attending and left it to DH because I couldn't watch.

Our DC are so lovely, full of confidence and happy now and I'm just here waiting to watch all of that fade.

Whenwilllifebenormal posted:

"@Defenbaker I don’t know why you keep bothering with certain bigots on this post."

@Whenwilllifebenormal After the most recent dig I'm beginning to wonder that myself. Some people seem determined to twist my words, no matter how much I try to word things carefully.

@PerditaProvokesEnmity Your question is too ludicrous to merit an answer.

It seems odd that the OP hasn't returned... could this thread be another journalist fishing expedition, perhaps? If so, they'll have plenty of material to base an article on, discussing the tensions that exist between the BAME people and white people. (By the way, I could take offence at the term "white", as it implies that I'm paler than I am. Maybe I should demand that people refer to me as cream. Oh, hang on though, that makes me sound like I'm fatty... maybe pink fits me better... but then again when I'm tanned I'm more of a coffee colour... oh no, I obviously can't use that term... darn and drat, it's a minefield!)

White is what most people say though is it not? I don’t know many other terms for Caucasian. Also is there a stigma to saying Caucasian? Does anyone say that word or used to say and chant, make money noises?

(Football pitches in 2020)

How can you put white and ethnic racism in the same basket it doesn’t compare at all. I can believe that a black person could be racism to the opposite race absolutely. However it’s NOT ON THE SAME scale.

Hence the word ethnic minority

@Defenbaker I thought it was strange that the OP hasn't come back again too. Reading over her first post again, she hasn't actually asked any questions, or for advice. I've not been on the chat section on MN much, is that the norm for this area?

...and you think all black people's skin is simply black?

STOP centering yourself! It's embarrassing. Reverse racism doesn't exist. White people see themselves represented everywhere. Open a magazine. Turn on the TV. Look at the make up of board rooms, the vast bast majority of MPs and cabinet members, superheroes, the list goes on. White people never have to worry about turning up for a job interview and the interviewer being racist. White people never have to worry about the police killing them for putting their hand in their pocket or driving or committing a minor crime or walking in an affluent area or playing with a toy gun. White people don't have to worry about the hugely increased risk of dying in childbirth, of having their medical concerns ignored until it's too late, of being thought of as aggressive or stupid or uncivilised because of the colour of their skin. But you crack on complaining that the term 'white' doesn't quite suit your skin tone. That's the real issue at hand.

@CommunistLegoBloc

...and you think all black people's skin is simply black?

STOP centering yourself! It's embarrassing. Reverse racism doesn't exist. White people see themselves represented everywhere. Open a magazine. Turn on the TV. Look at the make up of board rooms, the vast bast majority of MPs and cabinet members, superheroes, the list goes on. White people never have to worry about turning up for a job interview and the interviewer being racist. White people never have to worry about the police killing them for putting their hand in their pocket or driving or committing a minor crime or walking in an affluent area or playing with a toy gun. White people don't have to worry about the hugely increased risk of dying in childbirth, of having their medical concerns ignored until it's too late, of being thought of as aggressive or stupid or uncivilised because of the colour of their skin. But you crack on complaining that the term 'white' doesn't quite suit your skin tone. That's the real issue at hand.

This post deserves a fucking medal! Well said! I wish we could just pin this at the top of Mumsnet.

Reverse racism doesn’t exist but white people, just like people from all other races, can experience racial prejudice.

And how does that impact white people? Feel a bit sad for a bit? Or a constant, grinding down of their sense of self, diminished opportunities, and fear? You just can't relate the two experiences and to try to do so is in very poor taste.

I’m not relating the two experiences as I don’t think they are the same. However, I think you do yourself a disservice by dismissing racial prejudice if it’s aimed at a white person by basically saying that they can get over it because all it’s done is made them feel sad for a bit. It’s hypocritical as I can’t imagine your reaction would be the same if racial prejudice was aimed at someone who wasn’t white. Prejudice in any form is unacceptable.

Of course it is. But as someone else said, it's only a whole different spectrum. You are the one on a thread about racism bleating on about prejudice towards white people and how you can't be bothered with it all because of the 'violent' people attending rallies.

On a*

@Defenbaker

I'm paler than a milk bottle, except when the sun comes out and I resemble a raspberry.
As you well know white is a generic description, as is black, people who are 'black' are most often actually brown.
You say you want to learn about the issues, it would help if you stopped making it about you.
I'm not really surprised the OP hasnt been back

Where exactly am I discussing prejudice facing white people? I do think that anyone acting violently in any type of protest diminishes the cause that they’re fighting for. I think that the way some people are choosing to behave is more divisive than unifying.

@Defenbaker that post about the term white being offensive was just embarrassing.

It suits your agenda to think that. To other them. Without ever understanding why they're angry, why they're fighting, why they're risking their lives for this.

Several of your posts have mentioned prejudice against white people even on this page alone. Why do you keep centering yourself in this? Why can't you accept that this isn't about white feelings?

I do think that anyone acting violently in any type of protest diminishes the cause that they’re fighting for.

Maybe you should take a look at history and see how often oppressed groups have been forced to protest violently because peaceful ones didn't work. Did you know about the NFL take the knee protest a few years ago? That cost the man's career and reputation for trying to peacefully make a point and that's just one example.

@CommunistLegoBloc I don’t have an agenda. By saying that there are white people who fear engaging on the BLM topic as they are worried about being branded a racist isn’t me discussing racial prejudice against white people. I am not centering myself nor am I making it about “white feelings”. How can things change if white people aren’t involved in the process, debates and discussions? On this thread alone, I have been labelled many different things just because I engaged in conversation.

@GreytExpectations You are absolutely correct that historically, violent protest were the only way for the oppressed to fight back. I would like to think that we live in a society where that isn’t necessary. My view, however, is based on my own life experiences so I understand that your view is different because of yours.

I know only a little about the NFL take the knee protests. I read up a bit on it after reading the obscene things Trump had to say quite a while ago. Before that, I didn’t have any awareness on the matter.

I am trying to educate myself on matters I don’t fully understand.

GreytExpectations posted:

"@Defenbaker that post about the term white being offensive was just embarrassing."

It wasn't meant seriously, it was just a bit of humour, an attempt to demonstrate how absurd it would be if white people were to take offence at the use of their "label" (for want of a better word), in the same way as some people with other skin colours do.

I am interested in the issues that BAME people face, and feel genuine sympathy towards the OP and any others who encounter prejudice, but that doesn't mean I won't use humour to make a point, which has got to be better than lashing out in anger, which some people have done on this thread.

White people are involved in BLM. It was in actual fact WHITE people who orchestrated the statue issue or did you turn a blind eye to that. Why is everything so negative.

It’s embarrassing that you cannot comprehend simple things such as you do not account for ALL WHITE people (thank god).

A lot of mixed people on this friend we will have white relatives you do realise that don’t you? I’m yet to hear that they are fearful of been branded a racists but then again they don’t share your dim view

Your quick to give your negative input and speak about a totally different topic. Clearly you cannot relate to an ethnic discussion.

@Sweetlikecoca What I find embarrassing is your inability to have a conversation without throwing insults. I don’t speak for every white person, in the exact same way that you don’t speak for every BAME person.

I have mixed DC, I'm white, DH is black. We do live in a diverse area so that helps, my ds's circle of friends are mostly black or eastern European. My DD I think felt rejected by most of the white girls at primary but in secondary there are many mixed girls like her so secondary has been a much more positive experience, with many different teachers too. When she first started secondary, she said some older black girls passed her and said "I love your hair".
I know lots of people say children are not born racist, I don't believe they are, but I've studied psychology so I'm aware of all the in-group, out-group experiments with children and eye colour etc. I do think children naturally seek out friends that look like they do. I think our education system, particularly primary is very much white, female, middle class with all the expectations of pupils that comes with it, my boy (who is a little darling btw) has been much harshly treated by teachers than my DD in terms of behaviour expectations but he knows me and DH will forever have his back. It is important to me that my DC see children like them around them so I don't think I could ever put them in a predominantly white area or school.

Stay strong, thats all I can say really, you have to be strong and confident for them

Absolutely my circle is quite diverse and I’m well travelled I also read and watch documentaries outside my own culture. I don’t come on MN to gain my ethnic culture. I also am willing to research and listen and learn.

I also shared my experience on this thread. I clearly missed yours. I’ll let you have the last word... sleep well