BAME mum with mixed children...

[JJJuice]

DH is white, I'm not. DS due to start year 1 in September.

I have always been terrified of what my children may experience/hear throughout their school lives, I didn't have a good one myself and from those years it has given me a lifetime of anxiety, low confidence and trauma thanks to you if you were a bully, delete your be kind shit posts off your social media. After all the happening of now to stop racism I feel that teachers/mums/other children will be told to be extra careful around them and so on, happens to me in everyday life, that's uncomfortable too. There isn't a win situation and my children will have to go through it. It hurts me so much.

I've seen it happen at the playground, mums fake smiling to me when their DC come up to mine then quickly picking them up to go to another part.
Mums at stores and playgroups staring out my children's differences (hair, facial features) - I stopped attending and left it to DH because I couldn't watch.

Our DC are so lovely, full of confidence and happy now and I'm just here waiting to watch all of that fade.

OP, the most important thing you can do is to instil a sense of confidence in your children about who they are. Build them up so they know their worth, and have a good level of self-esteem. Remind them that they are as good as any other child that they come across, and they deserve equal treatment always.

Build a solid relationship with your DC where they feel they can talk to you about any problems they are having, so you can advise them, or intervene as necessary.

I agree with others think it Depends on area we live in the Northwest of England But in a fairly multi cultural area at least 50% of my sons primary school class were not white British there was a mix of children from African and Asian heritage and .a large minority of children from Filipino families there was also quite a few families from Eastern Europe ,his high school.is the same .

@underneaththeash
I'm white, I do not believe for one minute that every white person is racist. Nor do I think that every black or Aisian person is subject to relentless racism on a daily basis.
Nobody is telling you that you are racist, but just because you are not, it does not mean that racism does not exist - Do you think people are making it up?
Have you actually asked your friends who are not white if they have experienced racism? You might be surprised at the answer.

What makes you think that outside of London you cannot engage in BAME art, music, theatre ? The internet, bookshops, theatres and music venues do exist outside of London. There are many towns snd cities in the UK with BAME populalations and strangely enough their cultural life reflects that. What makes it so hard to email your MP or research Back writers if you are outside London. What an extraordinary comment.

@isitfridayyet1 I don’t think they’re making people more racist but I do think that the way they are being handled is alienating a big part of the population who don’t have first hand experience with the issues faced by minorities. This part of the population isn’t then even listening to the message as they’re fed up of being branded and watching violence unfold on our streets in the middle of a pandemic. The way to a more equal future is open dialogues and opening the eyes of people who are unaware.

Simon JT posted:

"We're Asian, although I'm convinced my son is mixed race as he is very dark for his birth mums ethnicity. He is only four (five next week!) and he has experienced racist language at school, obviously those children aren’t racist, they are just repeating what they hear at home... My son has pretty much figured out his skin is ‘bad’ he has told me and his teacher that it gets him in trouble. By that it means he knows his skin colour causes some children to be mean to him."

That's so sad. That is probably what the OP is fearful about. I didn't realise that this kind of thing was still prevalent among young children, but this thread is making me more aware of the issues.

@Ted27 Please read my post again. I said that perhaps OP was imagining PART of it, I did not suggest she was imagining it all.

@ChangedAgainJune Thank you.

@namechangegarden Not meaning this in a goady way, but why is it not appropriate to say that mixed race children are beautiful? Why is it wrong, or offensive? Genuinely interested to understand why this could be deemed offensive.

Luckily, you can support TWO types of causes! Or even more if you so choose! The world is full of possibilities.

Your defensiveness here shows your white fragility. Look that up, if you fancy educating yourself about things rather than relying on 'strangers on the internet'. But you're not motivated to do that, are you? You're not motivated to adjust a single thing or challenge any of your preconceptions, because the status quo suits you really well. And that makes you complicit in racism. When I asked what you did to tackle racism, you said you couldn't do anything because you didn't live in London. I mean, come on. As excuses go, that's one of the weakest I've encountered.

Have a little think about why Black people are risking their lives during a pandemic, rather than condemning them. Do you think they'd be doing that if the situation weren't so critical? It's all too easy for you to criticise. Your life isn't at risk because of the colour of your skin.

I'm glad you're over racism though! Congrats.

The way to a more equal future is open dialogues and opening the eyes of people who are unaware.

Oh the fucking irony. Someone call Alanis.

@CommunistLegoBloc No white fragility here, sorry to disappoint. I know that would make you feel better though.

I’d also like to point out, that as you’re so quick to type and not actually look at who you’re replying to, I’m not the one who made a comment about London even though you have now referenced it twice to me.

Im not over racism at all, I’m over the people who won’t enter into dialogue without accusing someone of being a racist the second they say something they don’t agree with. I’m also over people being violent, attacking others, looting and vandalising property.

kids honestly don't care - they don't even notice. They make friends and their friends parents become your friends. I'm sure they will make loads of lovely friends

Apologies as that wasn't you, my mistake. But you could do those things. Support anti racism. But you don't? So we're basically in the same place.

It is also patently obvious that you got a case of the white n fragile but one of the symptoms is not admitting to it. That's kinda the point.

gal-dem.com/the-birth-of-the-new-royal-is-a-good-time-to-leave-behind-your-obsession-with-mixed-race-babies/

@Defenbaker please read this

@Whenwilllifebenormal I agree with everything you've posted.

OP, I'm sorry if my comments were unhelpful. Please come back and engage with people, there is some good advice here from others who have experienced similar issues to you.

@CommunistLegoBloc I do support anti racism though, that’s the thing you can’t see. The situations I have seen it, I have challenged it. There would have been times I haven’t noticed it, but I will always strive to be better and do better.

I haven’t support a black only cause, just like I have never supported a white only charity. I don’t know much about black art and literature but would like to learn more. The same goes for black opinions and prejudice faced. I do find it frustrating though that when questions are asked that people get jumped on and phrases like, “it’s not my job to educate you”, “look on the internet”, “you’re so ignorant”, “white privilege” are thrown around. People are becoming afraid to ask questions and this will hinder progress.

@Ted27 thanks for the link, I have just read it. I don't agree with every word of the article, but I'm beginning to see why some people might see my words in a different light. I'm trying to understand where others are coming from.

I haven’t support a black only cause, just like I have never supported a white only charity.

Can you really not see the difference?

@CommunistLegoBloc I don’t. I’m not trying to be obtuse, I just have never looked at it as a black or white charity. I have supported many charities but wouldn’t think to look at the racial demographic of who benefits. I support a hospice in East London who took care of a family members child in their last weeks. Due to the location, there are many Asian families who receive support. I support them because of the amazing work they do, the colour of the families who need their support doesn’t come into it.

The ignorance on this thread is awful but sadly not suprising for mumsnet

Communist - that's a stupid comment. Why should she support a charity that only benefits one race? I support female charities predominately. I also do toilet twinning because I think women need toilets and pay for a child to go to school in Malawi - that benefits mainly Black people but I do it because I believe that education and female privacy are important and I can help more abroad than here - it has nothing to do with race. If I supported cancer charities or disability charities I wouldn't only give to a charity that supported one race. I think that's a pretty poor attitude

@GreytExpectations There’s the classic “you’re so ignorant” comment again. If you dislike mumsnet, maybe look for another forum to post on.

Why should she support a charity that only benefits one race? I support female charities predominately

You've answered your own question.

Communist - am missing your point I am afraid you are going to have to expand

@Defenbaker

That's not actually what you said. What you wrote was:

But mixed race children are often very beautiful

It's the fetishisation of mixed raced children that makes it not appropriate to covet them. Mixed race children are no more or less beautiful than any other children, however it's the othering of them as if they are some sort of exotic animal that lusting after them makes it offensive.

Please do read the link @Ted27 posted. It explains this issue much better than I can.

@CommunistLegoBloc This is exactly why I believe that the divide is growing. You can’t have a conversation without throwing out labels and alluding to things instead of having an actual discussion. People don’t learn and grow if they can’t be open and ask difficult questions. Until this happens, nothing will improve.

Right, let's put this very simply.

Women are vulnerable and suffer trauma, abuse and difficulties on account of their sex. They are afforded fewer opportunities, more discrimination, health risks related to their sex. There are specific charities and causes that aim to better this experience, elevate the status of women and afford them more experiences in recompense.

BAME people are vulnerable and suffer abuse and difficulties on account of their race. They are afforded fewer opportunities, more discrimination, health risks related to their race. There are specific charities and causes that aim to better this experience, elevate the status of minorities and afford them more experiences in recompense.

Do you get it now?