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Original poster

Men driving their female partners car when both travel in it

533 replies

HelenUrth · 11/06/2020 17:57

On my road there are two couples where both the man and woman have their own car, but if they both go out in the woman's car, the man always drives it, also the woman never drives the man's car. One couple is 50s, the other 60s. Does anyone here do the same and would you mind sharing why?

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2020 13:59

I am fantastic at parallel parking, rubbish at bay parking though for some reason lol.

I was driving me and BF home and it was a struggle to find a space. In the end I found one that was just big enough and he offered to see me in as he was sceptical that it was big enough. So I just popped it in the space. He made a point of saying well done for parking so well so I gave him "the look" and asked if he would have said that to another bloke. He said that he would because there was no way he would have been able to park in that space and that in future I should do all the parking regardless of who was driving. :o

runningon · 14/06/2020 19:24

I love driving, feel sick as a passenger & I am a better driver & parker than dh.
I pretty much always drive, (my car Cos it's better) unless I'm really tired and need a sleep (long journeys only obs)

Truthpact · 14/06/2020 19:27

I imagine even if my partner could drive, I'd be the main driver still. I like to drive. Grin

barfotoliv · 14/06/2020 19:29

Several reasons:
1)I'm terrible at parking
2)I'm not as confident on the road as he is (I learned to drive quite late)
3)I drink, he doesn't
4)habit

TeetotalKoala · 14/06/2020 19:39

We do this. I never drive my DHs car and have no interest in driving it (it's much lower than mine and has a stupid back window so visibility isn't great, and I'm so short, I can barely see out of it). It's the 'fancy car' (not that you'd know it by the way DH treats the passenger footwell like skip). My car is the big family car. We alternate using them.

If we go out in my car, he generally drives. I couldn't care less to be honest. Means I can sit back and not have to concentrate. And basically all this from @LittlePesto...

When we go out in my car oh mostly drives because I can't really be bothered. I prefer to people watch and google any nice houses for sale as we pass them and snack and google wherever we are going to check the menu/closing times/any tips on what to while there!

What DOES piss me off is my DHs expectation that he'll take my car if he's going out with the DC without me, especially if he's going somewhere he knows parking will be tight, as god forbid he puts his baby in that position. He acts like he has two cars. I invite him to contribute towards my tax, insurance, MOT and other running costs if he'd like to use it equally. Funnily enough he goes and gets his own keys then.

BraveGoldie · 16/06/2020 08:24

@msawesomedragon yes, that's why I hate to drive. I was in a crash which was also not my fault. Came over the brow of a hill, and hit drunken pedestrians walking up the other side, spread across the road. I swerved but still hit one unavoidably (the gap between them just wasn't big enough) . No one was killed but it was horrific.

Every time I go out - particularly at night, I am waiting for someone to do something dangerous that will change all our lives. I live in London, so there are constant alarms and stimuli. When I am alone I have no distractions inside the car, but when others are there and talking I hate it. I get really crabby and tell people to be quiet because I have to concentrate.

My DP doesn't particularly like driving but he is a good, safe, calm driver who looks a long way ahead and has quick reactions, so I feel safe being driven by him.

lifestooshort123 · 16/06/2020 08:50

He has a van and I have a new(ish) car. He doesn't drink so if I'm going to then he drives my car. Otherwise we might take his van or my car and I'll drive - it's my pride and joy and he doesn't treat it as carefully as I do. Double standards (with the drinking), I know, but it suits us and I can't help tutting if he gets close to kerbing it, etc! He's actually a very good driver but I'm perfect 😉

lyralalala · 16/06/2020 09:45

@BlingLoving

I passed my test I was involved in a bad accident because of a drunk driver and it made me realise I could be the best driver in the world and it wouldn’t matter if another idiot decide to be stupid. I much prefer being a passenger and distracting myself from the traffic with a book or playing a game with the kids

This is really interesting to me. One of the reasons I like driving is I like the control. I feel very uncomfortable trusting my life to other people and I worry that whoever is driving, in this case DH, is less likely to be aware of dangers of other drivers. Basically, I trust myself more than I trust anyone else.

I don’t enjoy being a passenger either, I’d rather take 6 kids on the train for journeys long or short than in the car regardless of who drives. It’s just that I can at least distract myself as a passenger.

It took real effort not to let it turn into a massive thing after the crash. My grandad basically bullied me back out driving short journeys once I was physically healed, which I’m grateful for as I think I’d have just never driven again.

HappydaysArehere · 16/06/2020 10:17

When I passed my test in the eighties the instructor said exactly that. He said if you watch women meeting their husbands you will see the husband take over. Well my dh isn’t doing that now but it has taken him years not to act like an instructor if I drive. As for when I was learning that was a nightmare. For now I prefer him to drive but have discovered that I am now the critical one. But as I say to him “you are lucky that I am here to give you free lessons”.

Whatnametomorrow10 · 16/06/2020 10:20

I’m the main driver her regardless of whose car we take - I suffer from awful travel sickness so it’s just easier all around. Husband doesn’t mind it means that I’m usually the one that’s not drinking :)

covidco · 16/06/2020 14:09

I used to do loads of driving and get really bored by it. DH enjoys driving and finds being a passenger very boring. So he usually drives.

MissingThePoint1 · 21/07/2021 19:48

We have 2 cars, my husbands and the family car. Husband works in construction and his car is vile.. I wouldn't go in that car if he paid me to! Then we have the family car which we use for everything other than his work as it has the kids car seats in it. Whoever has the kids has the car! If we're going out together we always settle who's driving the only fair way you can, Rock Paper Scissors, he loses a lot!

user1471538283 · 22/07/2021 17:24

There is something sexy about a man driving!

At a push my bf would drive my mini but he is big and the mini is small. I dont think I could drive his big car.

Boood · 22/07/2021 17:41

The first post explained my reasons. My husband is a HORRENDOUS back seat driver. It’s easily his worst quality and the arguments that ensue are just not worth it. He got rid of his car a couple of months into lockdown- it was a lease, and he wasn’t using it enough to be worth the money- so if we go anywhere together it has to be in my car, but I won’t drive him.

Bluntness100 · 22/07/2021 17:42

I do this, I don’t like driving my husbands and I am too lazy to drive if we go out together, so I get him to drive. Unless it’s a long journey then we split it.

MouseholeCat · 22/07/2021 18:01

My husband drives us- we both prefer it that way. We're in the US and I'm still less confident driving here even after 4 years, especially on highways. He's American so it's his norm. I'm also a much better navigator than he is!

The only exception is when we visit the UK- I do the driving then.

We buck gender norms in many other ways though.

Itstheprinciple · 22/07/2021 18:31

My car is the bigger car. His is more economical for his commute. Generally I drive it but sometimes we'll have a conversation about it and decide. I learned to drive years before him so me driving was the default for a long time so I guess it's just not been a habit we have formed.

Itstheprinciple · 22/07/2021 18:32

Sometimes he will drive to a destination and I will drive home, or vice versa. I prefer driving my car as his is lower. Although I will drive either if his is first off the driveway or has more petrol!

Itstheprinciple · 22/07/2021 18:32

Oh but when we went to Florida, he did all the driving. I was terrified!

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 22/07/2021 22:08

My husband’s step dad always does this to my MIL. He says he’s ‘giving her a rest’ but we think it’s so he can save his fuel and keep the mileage down on his car. They also share the driving to the pub….he drives there, she drives back (in her car) 🤔

Deathraystare · 24/07/2021 10:11

My SIL drives more than my brother and she is the designated driver as rarely drinks!

JustLyra · 24/07/2021 10:41

I hate driving. I only ever drive when there’s no alternative. I had a horrible accident that wasn’t my fault and that just added to my hatred of it.

I used to happily take my kids on the bus or train as much as possible rather than driving. The only reason I drive so much now is because of DD4’s needs.

A friend of mine commented recently that my DH “takes over” the driving all the time and then had to apologise when I pointed out that I’m the passenger when I’m with MIL, DS1, DN or DD1 too. I just hate driving.

JustLyra · 24/07/2021 10:55

@ScrambledSmegs

I do find it very interesting that there are so many women on this thread that claim to hate driving. What do you hate about it?

I love driving. Besides the fact that I genuinely enjoy it, I love the independence and freedom it affords me. DH feels somewhat restricted by his fear of driving, that's why we're working together to overcome it.

I hate it because there are so many poor drivers who seem to have no concept of the fact they’re driving heavy, dangerous machinery.

It’s socially unacceptable to not drive so people who really should say “I can’t do this” and not drive are encouraged to “just practise” and are still on the road making it more dangerous. People are looked down on for not being able to drive rather than people accepting that it’s actually a good thing for someone to say “it’s safer for everyone if I don’t”.

You even see it on here. If someone can’t drive - if they have no spatial awareness or can’t coordinate or even just feel they are t confident enough to safely drive then there should be acceptance of that in the way there is when people can’t swim or ride a bike or do any other task.

Driving safely is utterly reliant on other people not to drive like twats and there are an ever increasing number of tests on the road. Especially since lockdown. So many people don’t know how to navigate roundabouts, junctions or even how to filter properly. I wouldn’t enjoy any other dangerous activity if there were huge numbers of incompetent participants around me so not sure why it’s surprising that some folks hate driving.

Deadringer · 24/07/2021 11:04

My car is automatic dh's is manual so i never drive his. He loves driving and often drives mine, i learned to drive quite late in life and am not very confident, i usually only drive locally and i am a bit crap at parking. I am also lazy and quite happy for him to drive. I take the lead in lots of other areas in our lives though, finances for example.

Galassia · 24/07/2021 11:04

I do a lot of driving in my own so when we are going out together I like him to drive so that I can appreciate the beautiful scenery where we live.

Whilst I feel I am a good driver he is without a doubt a better driver especially if we go somewhere we have never been before and he is much less distracted than I.

I can either on and he could navigate Spaghetti Junction if we ever passed that way but I would have to shush any passengers in order to concentrate.