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Men driving their female partners car when both travel in it

533 replies

HelenUrth · 11/06/2020 17:57

On my road there are two couples where both the man and woman have their own car, but if they both go out in the woman's car, the man always drives it, also the woman never drives the man's car. One couple is 50s, the other 60s. Does anyone here do the same and would you mind sharing why?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 12/06/2020 11:19

It's nothing to do with the patriarchy goodness me

@dobbysoc

Why do you think more mechanics are men? Is it just a coincidence that more men are good at fixing at cars or is it to do with socialisation?

Outtheforest · 12/06/2020 11:19

I do, although we do both drive each others cars when needed such as one in the garage, needing the boot space etc. However when we are both going out he always drives, I don't enjoy driving its purely a means of getting from A-B, dp enjoys it and regularly wants to go somewhere just for a nice drive etc. So it makes perfect sense for me to be the passenger.

dobbyssoc · 12/06/2020 11:19

@formerbabe is this thread about mechanics? Silly me I thought it was about driving 🙄

Pinkblueberry · 12/06/2020 11:21

We do this. My husband enjoys driving, I enjoy chilling in the passenger seat. Win, win 🤷‍♀️

Yes but regardless of this thread, when do you ever hear irl, men saying they hate driving or are anxious drivers? It's really rare.

I think statistically dangerous drivers are more often male. I think it’s better to be a reluctant or anxious driver - or a careful driver - than a dangerous one. You also don’t see men pondering or worrying about why their sex is more generally more reckless and irresponsible on the road.
I’m used to be an anxious driver, but I’ve more or less gotten over that now - my mum and my sister are really confident and always have been. I’ve never put my anxiety down to be being a woman. My Dad is also a confident driver - but he’s definitely not as good at driving as my mum. I never grew up with these driving ‘stereo-types’, and yet here I am.

formerbabe · 12/06/2020 11:21

So you can't answer the question?

PhoneLock · 12/06/2020 11:23

Why do you think more mechanics are men? Is it just a coincidence that more men are good at fixing at cars or is it to do with socialisation

Socialisation didn't work on me. Growing up, I was the the son my father didn't have. A real tomboy. I am quite happy to let my husband fix our vehicles. I'd really rather not.

NoSauce · 12/06/2020 11:23

It can’t always be about control, surely. Some of us aren’t married to controlling fucks.

RufustheLanglovingreindeer · 12/06/2020 11:25

Oh I don’t disagree with that four its an excellent point

But in my case i know I’m not adding anything to the debate by saying ‘well my husband would let me work’

I’d much rather someone with actual evidence who can talk about it without referring to themselves constantly (dreadful habit of mine) steps in...so i can agree with them 😀

dobbyssoc · 12/06/2020 11:26

@formerbabe because it's nothing to do with the thread

fantasmasgoria1 · 12/06/2020 11:29

I can't drive yet but my fiance has said once I can we will split driving as he said on longer journeys he would love to split the driving!

Kittio · 12/06/2020 11:29

I know couples where the woman enjoys driving more and is more confident so she's the driver

BlingLoving · 12/06/2020 11:34

Statistically, and honestly, anyone who spends five minutes looking around their friends, family and colleagues as well as random people on the road will know this is true - men drive more often when both a man and woman are in the car. Even if this thread may be even more skewed to this due to the OP's original question.

Women also, on average, do more cooking in the home. Is this genuinely just because women prefer cooking? Pure coincidence? And unlike the mechanics example (which I totally am behind @formerbabe), it's interesting that chefs are more likely to be men.... Suggesting that cooking is certainly not naturally a female thing.

Recognising that these trends represent something doesn't mean we have to burn the whole lot to the ground. It's just worth considering.

On driving, I am so tired of the old trope that women are less confident/competent drivers. But when you look at threads like this, or again, in real life, it's visible. But THEN I think about how women are taught to drive. As a teenager, my Dad took a very tough love approach to teaching all of his children to drive. There was zero tolerance for fear or nervousness. His view is that a car is a very important, but also dangerous, piece of equipment and we needed to learn to be in control of it at ALL times. On my first driving lesson he made me do a u-Turn, reverse, a hill start and go into 4th gear. It was only months later when my girlfriends started learning to drive that I discovered most of them were still tootling along in 2nd gear on lesson 6, had never had to reverse and certainly weren't doing hill starts.... But the boys were receiving similar lessons to me. that's socialisation.

Ginfordinner · 12/06/2020 11:35

It's nothing to do with the patriarchy goodness me

I think it is in some cases though. There are too many posts on this thread that make me feel as if we have gone back to the 1950s.

I am not referring to the "I dislike driving/can't drive" posts, but the ones where the man insists on driving all the time and the woman is an unconfident driver. She will never achieve confidence if she is never allowed to drive.

totallyyesno · 12/06/2020 11:39

I absolutely hate driving and it will avoid it whenever I can. Sometimes if we go out, DH suggests I drive because he is worried that if I get out of the habit, I will be even worse at driving (he's right). He's not controlling. For him driving is just normal, for me it often triggers a migraine and makes me feel sick so yes, I do ask him to drive. I haven't driven for about six months now and actually come to think of it, I don't even know where my car is!

PhoneLock · 12/06/2020 11:39

She will never achieve confidence if she is never allowed to drive.

I'd hazard a guess that in most cases, all she needs to do is ask.

Ginfordinner · 12/06/2020 11:41

True PhoneLock, but we don't know what the dynamic in the relationship is.

PhoneLock · 12/06/2020 11:43

True PhoneLock, but we don't know what the dynamic in the relationship is.

For all we know, there are men moaning on other forums that their wives never drive anywhere.

ScrambledSmegs · 12/06/2020 11:44

I learned to drive and passed my test at 17. Drove to and from university (about a 4 hour drive) and to work. Never got out of the habit. I suppose I'm confident in my own abilities, but not reckless and never take other road users for granted.

DH learned in his early 30s. He has very little confidence in his abilities and is extremely nervous when driving. He won't drive the car without me in the passenger seat to calm him. Presumably it looks like he's the big man driving my car with me being the 'little woman' next to him. Actually I drive far more than he does, and this is how we are trying to improve his confidence in his own driving ability.

It's not always what it looks like from the outside.

sunflowersandtulips50 · 12/06/2020 11:44

I love driving and I am used to city driving. My OH tried to suggest I couldnt drive on the motorway as i wasnt 'confident', he wanted to do all the long distance journeys...it was bull, its what his dad did and he saw it as a mans role. Told him to bugger off and stop being an arse. Most of my female friends are married, independent and drive without the need for their OH to step in. One friend regulalry drives 500 miles to visit her mum in the car. Confidence comes from just getting on with it...for those who end up divorcing...do you get rid of your car as your ex did all the driving, I would think not

BlingLoving · 12/06/2020 11:45

For all we know, there are men moaning on other forums that their wives never drive anywhere.

Mmmm, perhaps. But seems unlikely.

BlingLoving · 12/06/2020 11:46

It's not always what it looks like from the outside

Of course not, but that's looking at individuals. If you look at an overall trend, you have to assume there is something happening. Doesn't mean that every single person/couple who are part of that trend are ALSO part of whatever is the bigger picture. There are always outliers.

PhoneLock · 12/06/2020 11:51

Mmmm, perhaps. But seems unlikely.

Two seconds on Google...

My wife never drives us anywhere. I mean, she can drive. She has her own car. She drives herself to work, she drives our son to school, she drives to the shops and drives herself all the time. But anytime we have to go somewhere as a group - on holiday for example, or just to the pub, she never fucking drives. Its always me that has to do the 4,5, or 6 hour drive, no sharing of the load. Its fucking infuriating. I just want to be a passenger for once.

Ginfordinner · 12/06/2020 12:19

For all we know, there are men moaning on other forums that their wives never drive anywhere

Mmmm, perhaps. But seems unlikely

I disagree. I know plenty of women who refuse to do any motorway driving for example, and to drive from where we live to Cornwall is upwards of 7 hours. I wouldn't want to do that drive and not be able to share the load.

Angel2702 · 12/06/2020 12:21

My husband always drives if we are both there because I hate driving.

isabellerossignol · 12/06/2020 12:22

Driving as a male control thing certainly exists. My good friend is a good driver but was married to the sort of man who criticised her constantly. He told her that her driving was so bad it was dangerous, and now that they are divorced he has convinced their adult offspring that they should feel unsafe in the car with her. The offspring are girls and none of them have ever learned to drive because again he has convinced them that they are a danger. Ironically my friend has a blemish free driving record of over 30 years. He has a string of driving offences behind him and has had at least half a dozen serious accidents over the years, including one before they had children where my friend only narrowly escaped death and he was prosecuted for dangerous driving. But yet he claims to be the safe driver. Hmm

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