Men driving their female partners car when both travel in it

[HelenUrth]

On my road there are two couples where both the man and woman have their own car, but if they both go out in the woman's car, the man always drives it, also the woman never drives the man's car. One couple is 50s, the other 60s. Does anyone here do the same and would you mind sharing why?

I prefer to be a passenger so my husband always drives of we are together it's not a sexist move at all

We share long journeys but I’m a better navigator so usually opt to do that on shorter journeys.
Nothing at all to do with male/ female just what we both prefer.

Quite simply my husband likes driving and I don't. I'm a district nurse and drive around all week. I'm more than happy for him to drive the family around and as he gets travel sick driving helps him to control that.

Last five posts....four of them are women saying their husbands love driving and they hate it but yeah, nothing to do with socialisation.

I never drive my DH's car. But he drives mine. Fills with fuel, does my tyres, checks oil etc. He handles all maintenance for the cars.

We are both retired. I've never really thought about it until your post, OP. If we go out together, we always go in his car and he drives.

Maybe the women don’t want to drive.
I drive when when we go out because we’re not using his car atm but if he was insured on my car I would let him drive just so I didn’t have to.
I don’t like driving and he does.

I don’t like driving and he does

And again...

Formerbabe- so? It doesn't mean the man is insisting he has to drive.

Formerbabe- so? It doesn't mean the man is insisting he has to drive

You're spectacularly missing the point about socialisation. It's subconscious

No, you're missing my point. So what?

I always drive, even though I'm not male, mostly because I get very car sick as a passenger. I've even had to drive my brother's car when we went on a long-ish trip, which he wasn't thrilled about. I was fine for the motorway part but I couldn't last for 40 mins on the windy country roads at the end. After we'd had to stop the second time for me to walk around for 10 mins to settle my stomach, he just gave up and let me drive (and winced if we were driving along a bit with over-grown hedgerows and oncoming traffic).

@formerbabe

I love driving. I am female and based on your ideas, I shouldn’t enjoy driving. My DH likes driving too.

My mum hates driving because other drivers make her nervous. She used to just dislike it but she now hates it after an idiot jumped a red light and crashed into her. Witnessing my dad do 90% of the driving has done nothing to make me think that men should drive over women.

Because society tells us that men are the heads of the household...that they're in charge of big, important, dangerous things...that they're in control. That big machines and cars are their domain and that they're instinctively better at handling them.

So, whilst a man might not be consciously thinking that, he's been socialised to behave in that way.

Hope that clears it up for you.

My dh isn't even insured to drive my car so he's no chance. I often drive his too

@formerbabe

Because society tells us that men are the heads of the household...that they're in charge of big, important, dangerous things...that they're in control. That big machines and cars are their domain and that they're instinctively better at handling them.

So, whilst a man might not be consciously thinking that, he's been socialised to behave in that way.

Hope that clears it up for you.

For some maybe!

My DH has had a couple of accidents (nothing major). I’ve had none. He’s been driving longer than me because he’s older. I’m just naturally better at it than he is.

beingatwatsabingthing I agree it's bullshit...I'm talking about society's perception, not my own.

Hope that clears it up for you.
Not really because you've conveniently ignored all the posts that contradict this. It's not black and white.

Yes, as I keep saying, socialisation doesn't mean that the men are sitting around thinking "I'm the boss, I'll drive". It's just the way, as a society, we've absorbed this idea of who is does what based on gender (well, to be honest, a big part of issues around class/race issues are the same. We can tell ourselves until we're blue in the face that we don't subscribe to x or y and often, consciously, we don't. But all those black academics, for example, coming out to say how often they get comments like, "you speak very well" when they are full blown professors, is exactly this).

But seeing it allows us to start deconstructing it. And in this case, it does't mean we have to change our behaviour - it's not harming anyone after all - but I don't see how realising that there is socialisation at play is a bad thing.

but I don't see how realising that there is socialisation at play is a bad thing

Absolutely

Not really because you've conveniently ignored all the posts that contradict this. It's not black and white

There's always a few outliers as a pp put it. So for example, overwhelmingly nursery workers are women. However, that does not mean there are no men working in nurseries.

@formerbabe

And in the time it took me to write that, about another four women have posted that they're either nervous drivers or don't like driving...don't tell me it's not a feminist issue. Well phew, thank heavens we have big strong men around to do the dangerous, scary driving for us

Agree with every word. It saddens and irritates me in equal measure that some women almost see it as a badge of honour/something to laugh about that they’re nervous/awful/ditsy drivers. I’d be ashamed.

I have a shitty little Fiat and DP happily sits in the passenger side when I drive my car. He’s ace 😍

I've noticed on MN that whenever a topic gets raised where there's a suggestion of sexism or patriarchy influencing decisions, whether it's shaving legs or changing surnames or in this case, driving, people are quick to shut it down, claiming it's purely personal preference. But our choices don't operate in a vacuum, we internalise societal norms and expectations without being aware of it. It's nothing to be defensive about - it's fairly obvious that from a young age boys are socialised to take an interest in cars and driving in a way that girls are not. Driving is often linked to typical notions of masculinity, meaning that men often feel more confident behind the wheel and men who don't drive are often perceived more harshly than women who don't. The fact that so many women on this thread have said their husbands enjoy driving and they don't is not coincidental, it is directly related to these gendered expectations.

I’d be ashamed.

Well isn’t that lovely?

So it’s all because of women’s socialisation but also women should be ashamed of their socialisation.

Pretty sure shame is part of female socialisation too. And a damn site more harmful than a lack of interest in cars and driving.

Socialisation mainly... he loves to drive, I'm looking after my babies...
It got to the point that I hadn't driven on the motorway for about 7 years and slowly lost confidence.

Then he had a knee operation and couldn't drive, my uncle died, the funeral was a 4 hour drive away and we didn't have overnight childcare. I drove there and back in a single day and I've taken great care to take turns ever since.