Men driving their female partners car when both travel in it

[HelenUrth]

On my road there are two couples where both the man and woman have their own car, but if they both go out in the woman's car, the man always drives it, also the woman never drives the man's car. One couple is 50s, the other 60s. Does anyone here do the same and would you mind sharing why?

I find this really interesting. My DH doesn’t drive as he has never wanted to learn, we live on the outskirts of London where public transport is plentiful. He always feels judged for this amongst other men.

My sister has also never learned to drive but doesn’t feel the same judgement.

Is this a generational thing do you think? I can't think of any couples that I know where the husband drives when both of the couple are in the wife's car. I think for my parents' generation is was common that they would use the husband's car and the husband would drive more often than the other way around when travelling as a family, but I haven't noticed that to be the case now for my generation.

I hate being driven by most people, my husband included, principally because I was an advanced police driver, and I can be very critical, and I like to be in control. If we go out in his car he drives, but we are more likely to use my car for longer journeys because it's more comfortable, so I drive.

YANBU it is the same on my road! Also I seem to be the only one who can use a petrol mower!

I'm so glad to wake up to find this is being discussed so much - well discussed and then attempts to shut it down

I was thinking of doing a separate "who does the shared driving" poll, but I think that would be a taat?

One of the most ridiculous things I ever saw was neighbours of ours who both had a licence. He worked in the city so took the train to work. She had a baby and gave up work but had to drag the child around on trains and buses because he wouldn’t let her drive his car even though it was sitting outside the front door five days a week going nowhere. Why she put up with it I’ll never know but he used to take the car keys to work with him in case she ever rebelled!

DH and I share a car. He's a SAHP so does majority of weekday driving. Consequently he also tops up the car with fuel when needed.

But I'm the main driver (woman). I love driving. He is ambivalent. I do all the long distance journeys. He's done an hour or so stretch before (once saving our lives from a madman that I wouldn't have noticed because I was getting tired).

He's a good co-pilot. He's a good driver but he's
not a natural driver. I'm the queen of parking. I love all things about cars. He couldn't give a crap.

He never assumes I will drive though. Often offers to drive if I fancy a drink (rare). I freely acknowledge that I like the control of driving. Yes it helps with my crippling travel sickness, but there are pills that would help and short journeys aren't so bad. But I hate being a passenger.

Both our parents: man does the driving. So yes, we absolutely are bucking socialisation. But we know it: we've had a fair few comments over the years. But we don't care because it works for us.

For starters, I am not on the insurance for dh's car, as it is a classic, and the driving position would bugger my knee completely. I do not want to drive it.

When we go out in my car, sometimes I drive, but mostly him, which is really useful on long journeys. He enjoys driving more than I do.

@ScrambledSmegs

I do find it very interesting that there are so many women on this thread that claim to hate driving. What do you hate about it?

I love driving. Besides the fact that I genuinely enjoy it, I love the independence and freedom it affords me. DH feels somewhat restricted by his fear of driving, that's why we're working together to overcome it.

Other drivers is why I hate it. There are so many appallingly bad drivers on the road. A week after I passed my test I was involved in a bad accident because of a drunk driver and it made me realise I could be the best driver in the world and it wouldn’t matter if another idiot decide to be stupid. I much prefer being a passenger and distracting myself from the traffic with a book or playing a game with the kids.

My best friend doesn’t drive because after 40-odd lessons she, her instructor and her Mum decided together that the world would be a safer place without her on the road as she just couldn’t deal with it. Her spatial awareness is incredibly poor. It’s amazing the amount of people, especially other women in our group who badger her constantly saying she should just do it and she’d get used to it. People who recognise they are bad drivers and either don’t drive or limit their driving should be praised for their honesty imo.

I do find it very interesting that there are so many women on this thread that claim to hate driving. What do you hate about it?

I love driving. Besides the fact that I genuinely enjoy it, I love the independence and freedom it affords me. DH feels somewhat restricted by his fear of driving, that's why we're working together to overcome it

I just find it a bit tedious. It’s a chore. I love that I can drive and the freedom that it gives. I’m not in the least frightened and I’m competent.

Even though my mum would drive more than my dad, and my sister enjoys driving I absolutely know that a big part of why dh usually drives when we are together is socialisation. Same for him. I’m just not bothered enough about breaking the socialisation to actually drive more. I don’t think it’s important enough. I earn more than DH, I have a STEM job and he has a creative one, he took time out to be a sahd - we aren’t a pair of walking sex roles in other ways so I’m still going to go for the passenger seat. My only regret is I’ve never driven abroad in the “wrong side”. Whenever we’ve hired a car it’s seemed silly to pay for the insurance to cover an extra driver and he is the default.

I hate driving, he enjoys it. Nothing to do with him being a man, I'd just rather not drive if I don't have to. Also I can play Pokémon while he's driving 😁

I hate driving because I find it quite difficult. Not everyone can be good at everything, I find it stressful. It took me ages (and most importantly, switching to an automatic) to get to a point where I could drive.

I pretty much only drive myself and the kids. DH is a terrible back seat driver and I don’t care enough about driving to force the issue. Last time I drove him I pulled over 2 minutes after setting off and made him get out. He’s a dick as a passenger and I don’t want to deal with it. Plus it means that I always get to drink if we go out. we mainly use his car as mine is full of stuff (including percussion instruments) and he doesn’t like the jaunty noise it makes going over speed bumps and round corners....

Car each - DH likes driving so can drive me anytime-we are old but who cares if we are conforming to man jobs and woman jobs?

I told DH a few years ago that, if he didn't stop telling me how to drive, I would refuse to drive with him in the car. He carried on.

I now get chauffeured when we go out and he regularly gets pissed off that I won't share the driving.

DD1 won't let him drive her because his driving is too aggressive for her liking so she drives when they go anywhere, even in his car.

We have two cars but they aren't designated as his/hers, we just use whichever is appropriate (1 family car, 1 little 2-seater so no good for taking the kids anywhere). I prefer driving the family car but use the smaller one for work as DH uses the big one to take the kids to nursery. He prefers driving the little one so will do so whenever he can.

If we're going out all together, he tends to drive as he gets car sick as a passenger. We alternate on long journeys. Old-fashioned? Don't know.

My car is the family car, the 'good car' with the car seats. My ohs car is one he rarely uses and has had since he was a student, it's a bit rickety so I don't drive it unless I reallly have to because I feel like a flintstone.

When we go out in my car oh mostly drives because I can't really be bothered. I prefer to people watch and google any nice houses for sale as we pass them and snack and google wherever we are going to check the menu/closing times/any tips on what to while there!

I like driving on my own but I hate driving DH. He sits there silently with his arms folded like a driving instructor and it often emerges later that he's been silently criticising my driving. So as much as I like driving myself, if he's in my car I'd rather he was driving it.

I passed my test I was involved in a bad accident because of a drunk driver and it made me realise I could be the best driver in the world and it wouldn’t matter if another idiot decide to be stupid. I much prefer being a passenger and distracting myself from the traffic with a book or playing a game with the kids

This is really interesting to me. One of the reasons I like driving is I like the control. I feel very uncomfortable trusting my life to other people and I worry that whoever is driving, in this case DH, is less likely to be aware of dangers of other drivers. Basically, I trust myself more than I trust anyone else.

@22:21JacobReesMogadishu is your van a T25? We have one as well and I love it!

My Dh and I share the driving.he tends to drive our campervan more than me, which is largely down to the lack of power steering. He loves to drive his Rav4 and I love to drive my MG BGT. We both have bikes as well, I ride my Triumph Bonneville as I hate being a pillion.

On the back of this thread, I just announced that I'd drive DH in my car this morning when we went out. There was need to reverse out of an awkward space on way home, and there was a brief moment when he anticipated that he'd do it not me, but I jokingly flipped him a finger and manoeuvred the car just as I'd do if I was alone. I'd never really thought of driving as a feminist issue, but I can see that it is, so things are changing around here

Other drivers is why I hate it. There are so many appallingly bad drivers on the road. A week after I passed my test I was involved in a bad accident because of a drunk driver and it made me realise I could be the best driver in the world and it wouldn’t matter if another idiot decide to be stupid. I much prefer being a passenger and distracting myself from the traffic with a book or playing a game with the kids.

This is dh's viewpoint as well. He includes pedestrians in his dislike of other people when driving. His best friend at uni was killed as a pedestrian when he drunkenly walked in front of a car, giving no reason or warning that he was going to step into the road, so the driver couldn't possibly avoid him. Dh never, ever, ever wants to be in the position of that driver, knowing she killed someone through no fault of her own. Dh's friend is dead, but that driver has lived for 30 years knowing someone is dead because she couldn't stop fast enough. Dh is terrified of that happening to him, and hasn't driven since. He did have refresher lessons when I was pg, but even then he hated it and called a taxi when we needed to go to hospital. It's a good job I don't mind being the designated driver in our household.

@bringincrazyback

I like driving on my own but I hate driving DH. He sits there silently with his arms folded like a driving instructor and it often emerges later that he's been silently criticising my driving. So as much as I like driving myself, if he's in my car I'd rather he was driving it.

So don't put up with it!! Is he your parent or are you equal partners? Give him a massive "fuck off" from me.

A man who isn’t able to be a passenger in a car (esp when driven by a woman) is for me a deal breaker. Simple.