Men driving their female partners car when both travel in it

[HelenUrth]

On my road there are two couples where both the man and woman have their own car, but if they both go out in the woman's car, the man always drives it, also the woman never drives the man's car. One couple is 50s, the other 60s. Does anyone here do the same and would you mind sharing why?

And for the record I’m not ashamed at all that I suffered from anxiety that made me really ill for a long time and made tasks such as driving really difficult for me. I’m fucking proud that I overcame it.
I’m not ashamed that I can still find driving a challenge if I’m having a bad day, I’m proud that I have developed coping mechanisms that allow me to get on and do it anyway. And really bloody grateful to have a husband who has not only supported me to get past it, but will also just take the keys and drive when I ask him to because I’m allowed a bloody day off sometimes.

Yet in my area there were lots of woman driving instructors but only 1 male instructor...
But yeah woman can't drive because of the patriarchy

@AliasGrape

I’d be ashamed.

Well isn’t that lovely?

So it’s all because of women’s socialisation but also women should be ashamed of their socialisation.

Pretty sure shame is part of female socialisation too. And a damn site more harmful than a lack of interest in cars and driving.

Yes, I’d be ashamed to be incompetent at a potentially dangerous activity and to make a joke of it.

Neither of us likes driving. For us both it's a task like any other household task so I am grateful that he always does the driving when we are together. He also always does the car services, MOT, the big shopping trips, taking out the bins, the laundry and ironing. I have had a new washing machine for 4 months and literally don't know how to switch it on. I have ironed once in the same time, when he was out and I needed something urgently.

We are not necessarily all poor, oppressed women who have never heard of feminism, just because our men drive us. No doubt lots of people have different reasons.... but for me, I find having a chauffeur who also delights me in bed pretty empowering!

My DH tries this and it pisses me off especially as he isn't as good a driver as I am. I let it go for years and then one day just mentioned that if he wanted to drive we were going in his car.

I'm not sure why they do it?

I’d be ashamed to be incompetent at a potentially dangerous activity and to make a joke of it.

I don’t think being an anxious driver makes you incompetent. I used to be very anxious when driving but for that reason I was actually very careful, cautious and more concentrated. Plenty of confident drivers are pretty shit at driving and just don’t care. Many overconfident drivers end up killing people - they don’t admit to being incompetent and are often obvious to their own incompetence. Statistically more of these dangerous drivers are male than female. I think women are generally more honest with themselves when they find something difficult, while men like to bluff and end up killing people. I don’t see that as something to be ashamed of when it comes to driving.

We are not necessarily all poor, oppressed women who have never heard of feminism, just because our men drive us.

Why is everyone so defensive? No one has said women are oppressed because their husbands drive. nor has anyone said men are big controlling freaks for driving. We're saying socialisation has meant that women are less likely to drive than men.

Just as socialisation means that women are more likely to do the majority of domestic chores. Many women, fully aware of this, are nonetheless happy to do so because it works for them. But you can't ignore the reality of how we've got here?

It's something I've long noticed, if you see a man and woman in a car, the man is invariably driving. And I do wonder why.

Mostly same here but it's because I don't really like driving and he doesn't mind it , I do tend to do the majority of driving home from a pub though , but then I don't drink often so makes sense as well . If we both want a drink then get a cab , rarely I drink and he doesn't and drives .
I avoided driving his new car for ages as it's quite big but now I am a little envious as it's really nice to drive and actually better than my little car , might swap over

My car is the one most used when we’re together as it has all the boot set up for the dog (DH’s doesn’t). Sometimes I drive, sometimes he does. He drove today because I’ve knackered my neck and can’t twist it.

I've been driving longer but he really enjoys driving and I like napping so normally he drives, I take a nap....!

I do find it very interesting that there are so many women on this thread that claim to hate driving. What do you hate about it?

I love driving. Besides the fact that I genuinely enjoy it, I love the independence and freedom it affords me. DH feels somewhat restricted by his fear of driving, that's why we're working together to overcome it.

I'm always the driver out of me and DH, I love driving and he doesn't. I do think it tends to be more men that drive out of a couple that's man/woman. Most of our couple friends have the man drive and my dad always is the driver.

No way would that happen. My husband picked me up from work one night and he got out so I could drive. I pretty much drive everywhere (even in his car). I love driving and am a bad passenger. He's not fussed about driving so lets me get on with it.

Just remembered that a friend once told me her husband wouldn't let her drive on the M25 because it's a dangerous road. His condescending is that!

I usually drive when we're together as DP doesn't like driving that much and he says I'm a better driver than him. Especially long distance, he isn't keen, and I don't mind driving, so I do.

The thing I've noticed is the comments on it - this is baffling to me. When we've arrived at parties etc "Oh, isn't your DP driving?" in a surprised voice. I have had my licence for over 25 years and he doesn't get such comments when he drives me, so I can only interpret it as pure sexism.

Why is everyone so defensive? No one has said women are oppressed because their husbands drive. nor has anyone said men are big controlling freaks for driving.

Haven't they?

Blimey it's like feminism never happened.

I bet all these men who can't bear the thought of the little woman driving them around are still pretty happy for her to go out to work and bring home money.

Seems like men nowadays like to exert their power and control in the easiest most visible way possible.

I always drive my own car as I love driving and love my car, we usually use mine at weekends as DH's is a sporty little number and not the most comfortable for long journeys. I'm a very good driver so DH is happy to be a passenger.

During lockdown we have got a bit competitive about who drives (its sometimes the highlight of the day ) so we take it in turns. I'm happy for DH to drive my car sometimes

We have one car. I pretty much always drive on near home, short localish journeys, day trips, visits to grandparents. If we are driving on holiday (we often drive to France) we split it into 3 hour shifts. If we fly somewhere on holiday and rent a car he always takes the rental car out of the airport. I need a brief period of adjustment to traffic being on the other side of the road, also I prefer to adjust to the controls of a rental car on a quieter bit of road. Airports are invariably surrounded by lots of roundabouts and motorways.

He usually drives back from his parents house so that I can have a stiff drink or two while there to cope with MIL

Haven't they?

Okay, I missed the post you then quote. But certainly I'm not. I just wish we could acknowledge it.

Amusing story: off on honeymoon, new-DH and I are in the car. I'm driving. We swing by to say goodbye to family. 6 year old niece, seeing me driving says, "You're driving?!?" in a voice of such surprise DH and I laughed about it for at least the first 30 minutes [has to be said, my brother is one of those people who hates ANYONE driving him. Man or woman. I think he's got in a cab maybe once in the last 20 years! He's a very good driver but is also terrifying to be in the car with sometimes so I do feel for SIL]

@SCRAMBLEDSMEGS I just can't be bothered with it. It's boring and tedious and that's about it. To me it's like hoovering, I'll do it if no one else is around to do so but happier not to have to.

My dad drives so much, my mum can barely drive anymore. She drives once a year, 5 minute journey tops.

I usually drive my car and dh drives his. He used to make the odd comment until one day during a heavily pregnant hissy fit over a comment he made I pulled over and told him to walk home. he hasn't made a comment since!

DP usually drives whichever car we take.

His is a boring SUV thing which I don't particularly like driving but it's practical for shopping and carting the dog around. I do take it out if I need those benefits but he's welcome to do the actual driving if we are together

Mine on the other hand is a fun sporty number which he loves to get a rare chance to drive. So I let him!

@ScrambledSmegs

I do find it very interesting that there are so many women on this thread that claim to hate driving. What do you hate about it?

I love driving. Besides the fact that I genuinely enjoy it, I love the independence and freedom it affords me. DH feels somewhat restricted by his fear of driving, that's why we're working together to overcome it.

I hate it. So much to think about, if your concentration slips you could cause a horrible accident. Having to predict the stupid behaviours of others. I am a very capable driver 19 years no accidents but no I definitely don't enjoy doing it.