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What happened to your rapist ?

242 replies

Iwonder777 · 10/06/2020 21:45

Please bear with me.

I never reported mine.

He's married now, 3 boys, professional. Looks to be very happy.

Did you ever get justice?

OP posts:
itsallgitsandshiggles · 10/06/2020 22:36

He has a wife and two daughters.

I was 8, he was my older cousin.

:(

ThisThreadCouldOutMe · 10/06/2020 22:37

Flowers to you all. I believe each and everyone of you.
@Iwonder777 you probably have met others irl. You just might not know.
Maybe a 'survivors meet up' is something someone could arrange? Not me. I have awful social anxiety but would come if I could (after covid of course)

lightandshade · 10/06/2020 22:38

I was 13 he was 17 I never reported it.

He went in to get his 15 year old girlfriend pregnant when he was 19 I always regret not reporting it after that.

He was my step brother

OntheWaves40 · 10/06/2020 22:41

Which one?
My ex husband, he’s lost everything now. But still not justice. Still so far up his own arse to realise it’s all his own fault and feels sorry for himself. I call it karma.
My ex boyfriend is now married with a new baby.

ThisThreadCouldOutMe · 10/06/2020 22:42

As for what we can do...
Teach our sons not to be rapists.
Believe our daughters when they report a rape.
Or indeed make sure they know we will believe them before the abuse gets that bad. (My brother abused me for years. He said if I told mum she wouldn't believe me. Then one day I told her and... he was right.)

NCjustforthis123 · 10/06/2020 22:46

He's sat in a chair next to me rocking my baby.

Haven't reported, though did speak to Rape Crisis about it. He did apologise but didn't remember even the next day what had happened. One day he'll remember me screaming 'stop' at him and be utterly horrified.

Dicotyledon · 10/06/2020 22:49

I was told I had been raped too many times to be believed.

He got a pat on the back. I got destroyed.

Soph88888 · 10/06/2020 22:52

He threw down £50 at the end of it. I did everything right, straight to police with my mum, I was 17.
They came round to my house to say they wouldn’t be taking it further as I’d taken the money I wouldn’t be believed.

Soph88888 · 10/06/2020 22:53

Just to add I gave the money to the police, didn’t keep it.

KerbsideViolet · 10/06/2020 22:56

Rape was like a bullet wound to my soul, I often wonder if I was over the top in my teenage reaction to same but it was my first sexual experience. Likely not

You’ve perfectly summed up everything I feel.

We were both 16. I didn’t tell many people. I certainly didn’t report it. I was drunk, I was wearing a low-cut top, I willingly walked away somewhere quiet with him. He was my ex and lots of people had seen me quite happily kissing him that evening. I knew nobody would believe me.

He popped up on “People you may know” on Facebook a couple of years ago. His profile picture was his wedding day. There was a young girl posing with him and his wife. I’m not sure if she’s their daughter.

Nat6999 · 10/06/2020 22:57

I reported my then husband to the police,did all the video evidence & everything, the CPS didn't think it was a strong enough case & he got away with it. I got a life sentence of PTSD, anxiety & depression.

fishbelowwater · 10/06/2020 23:03

I was 18, I was tiny, naive, and very young mentally for my age.

I met him and only wanted to be friends, he was intriguing but creepy.

He cried, fed me his sob story of being in foster care and how he was raped as a child and he was suicidal. In the same sentence he said that it was all ok now because he was dating me... this was news to me. I never felt so trapped. I felt obligated to go along with this 'poor victims' needs because he deserved it.

He told me by him doing things to me it was the only thing that could make him feel better.

He groomed me. I turned from a lively, sweet and happy person to a bitter depressed. He manipulated everything. He placed a wedge between my family and I which has never recovered. He turned me against my friends. I was isolated and at his mercy. It was only later I realized everything he did to control me so he could do what he liked.

We dated for 1.5 years and there was so much wrong with that relationship.

There is not a day that goes by where I don't think of it.

The meutral friends I told have all ghosted me. I regret telling them. They still hang out with him. He was so charismatic they couldn't see him for who he was.

I don't believe I am the only one, and I am sure he's doing the same to someone else and has to others. He's so strategic they may not even know it.

Now I believe he works for a magazine or newspaper continuing to be a daily saint and example of a foster kid that ended up being successful.

I want him to apologize. I want to tape the apology. Then I want to see him go down for it.

One day, he may actually kill himself, maybe then I will get closure.

He raped my soul.

SistemaAddict · 10/06/2020 23:22

One was in the local news as an ambassador for mental health fairly recently. The other is now my ExH, living with his new family whilst taking me to court over our dc every year or so because that's the only way he can continue to abuse me. Yet he claims I abused him. The police didn't even speak to him after I was video interviewed. The first guy was my boyfriend. I was just 16, he was 19, nearly 20. That was 1992 and it affects me even now.

Thanksfor all of you.

Becca19962014 · 10/06/2020 23:23

I reported both of mine. I ended up humilated and forced to leave where I lived as no one at all stood by me. Both had professional jobs (social worker (not mine was a family friend) and other a consultant) and after I attempted my reports (it was abandoned because as I was told by an officer "no ones going to believe they'd do something like this to someone like you") still kept them.

One was later charged under the laws bought in around the Jimmy saville situation, but not for me, still too worthless to be believed, despite him being found guilty over a dozen times over, which every day I blame myself for because if I'd been good enough he'd have never been allowed to continue practising.

The other still leading his "normal life", no doubt continuing to hurt the "ugly, fat ones" because no one ever believes them.

Mine was ruined by it and further by reporting and the humiliation that bought.

Mental health professionals all assumed (still do) I'm an attention seeking liar as I was damned as at the time, being so fat and ugly there's no way I could possibly be telling the truth. The therapy I was offered centred around why I wanted to make such things up as everyone knows those who tell the truth get justice. Only liars don't. Not just therapist, psychiatrists, cpns, OTs, mh social workers ... All have said that.

The PTSD I have is so severe now I can't bear to trust anyone (my life is at risk due to lack of medical care because I'm too terrified to ask for any help. After I asked and attending with me the social workers I spent years working up the trust to ask to help me, explaining why such an issue, decided Im fine and didn't need any help after all and decided I could just go with anyone proving zero understanding of what I went through, and, when challenged said it was all just a "silly teen fantasy you let get out of control"). I wake the entire building screaming every single night from night terrors.

I'll never trust again. Anyone. It's not like there's anyone now anyway. Social services have abandoned my care to "volunteers" (which includes another man who hurt me - after overhearing a dr say I lied about being abused) and my GP has also now abandoned my care. My phobia being so severe I collapse everytime I hear the word "dr" or " social worker" or "dentist".

So very many times I've been told never to tell, because of the damage such lies cause others. I won't again.

No one understands. The therapy being an utter waste of time and more importantly money. Likewise being stupid enough to think those social workers were different.

Becca19962014 · 10/06/2020 23:26

Oh and the therapy cost me what little self belief I had. Hearing again and again I was a fantasist and I should apologise to them just destroyed what little was left of me.

Of course it's not everyone's experience but what you see on tv, in films, documentaries is utter bullshit.

Becca19962014 · 10/06/2020 23:29

And no I never lied. I never exaggerated.
I was just too worthless to be believed.

Iwonder777 · 10/06/2020 23:37

No words.

I believe you.

Too common.

Shocks me. How common Sad

OP posts:
Icanflyhigh · 10/06/2020 23:45

He married a woman with 2 daughters.
I reported him, it was my word against his, same as the woman before me who reported him.
I contacted his fiancee and told her to ask about him under Claire's Law, she replied and laughed and called me jealous.

JustPurple · 10/06/2020 23:55

He died with his reputation intact. I am left angry and unable to ever properly move on. So much of my identity is tied to being a victim.

He was my grandfather. The first time I remember it happening I was 2 or 3. It carried on right until he died when I was 15.

I told my parents a few times but it was always explained away or minimised. When I talked about it with my mum after his death she thought it was my fault for not refusing to visit. If it wasn't me it would have been my younger sister.

SpinDoctor · 10/06/2020 23:57

Nothing legally.

He died young though.

Originalyellowbelly · 11/06/2020 00:08

I never reported mine, it was my fault as I thought he was a friend and my children were asleep upstairs. I hope he has had a miserable life.

itsmylifebonjovi · 11/06/2020 00:24

He is happy and healthy, remarried, 2 kids with ex wife who he gets on great with.

I took him to court a few years ago, and he pled not guilty and won (lack of evidence despite eye witness accounts). It felt like it was me on trial though, not him.

Oh, and I was 6 when he sexually abused me.

Namechange8471 · 11/06/2020 00:31

Mine is still married, with grandchildren now.
I was 15 when he took me to his caravan, he was 46.
I thought I was grown up and clever until he plied me full of vodka and filmed me.

Hugs to you all ❤️

GlummyMcGlummerson · 11/06/2020 00:33

He's still married to my mum Sad she knows and chooses to ignore it. I rarely see either of them since the truth came out they moved abroad

GlummyMcGlummerson · 11/06/2020 00:35

I agree OP an apology would be nice. Considering he denies it genres a fat chance of that ever happening

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