Anti dementors not (second) waving but flouting

[Waleshasgonecompletelycrazy]

Welcome one and all. Bad days, good days...we're here for you all

Dowser

Mum died March 31. It's the first time since she went that I've missed her.
We had a strained relationship when I was growing up. I have a mild brain injury due to a childhood accident and I think she blamed herself for it at times. She did, however, give me sound advice and the occasional hug when I got overwhelmed with situations beyond my control, and she'd be anti-dementoring with the best of us if she was still here. I think that's why today has been the tipping point.
Life has changed for me (and everyone else, I know), and I can't control it. It scares me and that's when mum gave me a cup of tea, the biggest slice of cake and a bearhug that would break a rib if I was thinner.

@Nihiloxica

I hate having no money of my own, no pension and people assuming I must be a bit boring / lazy / thick.

❤

I'm sure you are all sick of my rants, but I'm still going to (apologies).

Women who are not in paid work run this fucking country - they volunteer in schools, they run playgroups, advice centres, NT properties, raise funds for all kinds of things, look after children for each other.

They have incredible skills and resourcefulness and they use them to the benefit of society all the time.

It's not just paid work that has been stopped. SAHMs don't just sit at home looking after children and doing housework.

They have also been pushed out of their roles that are just as important to society as paid roles.

Not allowing children to go to school is not only a problem for working women.

This! This! This so very much!

I've been a PT/ FT/ SAHM. I've taught through the nightfeeds phase. PT was best really. My final year of teaching was FT with a 5yo in school who hated wrap around care (we now know that it's because of his SNs) and a 3yo in nursery. DH had a year of frequently working away. We have no external support. The school was battling to go from SM to Good and on permanent amber alert for OFSTED. Life was just totally on a knife edge and it was not worth the benefits.

We're in a fortunate position where I don't have to work (such is the benefit of the demands of DH's job) and as a household we are happier that I don't as that eases the pressure on everyone else, particularly DS1.

So I fill my time in. I always did youth group 1, and I started helping with the DC's group when they had a leader shortage. I spend umpteen hours a week supporting in school doing things like supervising the dyslexia intervention. I'm a Run Director at junior parkrun. 4 Seperate voluntary roles.
Doing the mum-taxi for swimming, martial arts. My life is normally busy, full and purposeful, and now it isn't.

The typical MN scorn for SAHMs is frustrating because while I may not be financially independent I am secure and have a paddle to deal with Shit Creak should I ever end up up there, but also I am a useful member of society. Hundreds of children/ families have benefited from the way I use my time to enrich education and leisure. I have value.

Kids moping around playing Minecraft and watching Ninjago don't need a huge amount of supervision, they just need me to be accessible. And my life feels so empty and meaningless until I can get some of that external structure back and I'm not even half-way! I'm barely halfway until September and I was so angry at the start of the week that the hope of some school time to break this time up has now been dashed.

I could do something useful like decorating the hall, but I can't face the mess while there is no escape from it, while the dump needs booking weeks in advance and while the house constantly has people in it.

I'm just stuck in limbo until at least the schools open, but probably beyond until the school can accept volunteers in and other community activities re-open. Could I return to teaching? I've always felt open to it long term and it is only viable while DH is at home because of childcare, but right now I don't want to give while my children don't recieve their rights. I also object to supply daily rates of pay being less than I earned 10 years ago!

I used to say I was on a career break too. Because I always fully intended to go back to work, even if it was doing something different to the industry I was working in pre-2nd child and stint as a trailing spouse. But life got in the way; partly DS being diagnosed and realising the extent of his needs, and the various volunteering gigs I’m involved with and don’t want to give up, so it’s taken a bit longer than I expected.

And yes, while I’m hugely grateful that I’m not having work and homeschool simultaneously, I am missing my volunteer stuff and thinking a lot about the children and families I work with and how they’re managing.

I was a sahm for ten years, just started working again in October and loving life outside of my house and now I'm bloody back indoors again!!

I found sahm life really hard when the kids were little, and needed those baby groups and coffee groups. I feel for mums now who are stuck home with nothing but "crafts" and a bastard walk to keep them entertained.

I feel really unmotivated today. I've had my computer in front of me since 8.45am and am yet to do any work. I just cant face it. Luckily I'm not too busy.

@Shodan my club may have some news about getting back to karate by using a field in our local community centre, it's better than nothing. I didnt realise how much I NEED karate for me mental health & physical health. Zoom karate just doesnt quite cut it. Training for my Sandan belt will be hard when I have so much fitness catching up to do first before I even tackle the actual syllabus.

Oh Trapped lovely.
Life is a bit shit at the moment.
I can give you a virtual hug that will make your ribs creak if you want. I'm not your mum but I am someone's mum so it's a sort of generic mum hug.
It's all such bollocks.

I'm going to have to be hide a thread - yet another wanting my kids to have an education is teaching bashing theme.

This time saying if p/t schooling happening ensuring kids having access must be a priorty is somehow accusing all teachers of not working.

I'd much prefer kids back at school full time TBH.

Trapped and does a give a bit of a hug?

Such a difficult isolated time to live through grief with no distractions and ways to compartmentalise it to forget for a while.

We are not the same, but we are here for anyone struggling for whatever reasons xxx

We are drifting, waiting for the government to have some balls. There is no crisis. We anticipated a crisis, we got ourselves into a state of terror, many hospitals got unpleasantly busy, the problem passed.

Just catching op, saw this a couple of pages back. YES! That's it, in a nutshell.

I can see so many struggling here today. from me to you all. I'll read properly shortly, got to collect DD from one of her strictly under the radar visits to school

I hadn't really thought about it before, but this country really relies on volunteers. I absolutely feel for those stuck without support networks, the relentlessness of having young children really got to me when mine were little and the highlight was toddler group in the village hall. I lived far away from family and DH was a bit shit at that point so it was literally the only time I saw other adults. Emotionally I'm swinging between furious and tearful, which is not my usual state. I've been going to work throughout and mostly I'm grateful for the routine as well as meeting people from outside the house, despite the signs about SOCIAL DISTANCING SAVES LIVES everywhere.
In other news, 20 year old DD has driven 150 miles to spend the weekend with her boyfriend. She half asked for permission and I told her I was impressed she'd waited so long since they were sent home from university in March. I've knitted a blanket for boyfriend's new nephew and she's taken that with her, so at least he'll get it before he starts school.
Much appreciation for this thread. I'm glad you're all here to talk sense.

My family is now officially getting on my tits. Especially my know it all 18 yr old who, if he was anyone else, would be told to go and fuck himself.
It’s not normal to spend this much time with the same people, day in and day out.

I love the way that through how many of these threads we've had now (anyone keeping count?) how there hasn't been any belittling of anyones issues or situations, however great or trivial.

I did a lot of counting my blessings early on. I'm very fortunate that the childcare aspect of schools doesn't apply to us, I've been there and it's hard: DS's class was affected by strike action in his last term of yR. DH generally filled the slack but there were days when I had to collect DS at lunchtime/ gained y13 time and bring him into work as there were just no other options as DH was on another continent. It was another one of the final straws.

My hormones contributed a lot to my outburst eariler this week. No regrets. DH has been a bit more "present" since and better about pushing us out for our evening walks, he admitted that it wasn't just his hayfever, he was bored.

Anyway my mission is to get into that bloody playground after the teenagers thwarted Tuesday and the Police loitering last night. We will indulge in illegal fun

I think for many of us the problem is choice. I'm a SAHM at the moment but I had the option to look for a job before. I could use my days as I pleased and organise my time. Now I have DD with me 24/7 and don't even have the option of paying a local teenager while DH and I head out. My parents would help if I was desperate, but it's not that. I just want to be able to decide things for myself.

I've also always had a support network and clubs/activities for DD to attend. She's a decent runner but isn't keeping it up although DH will run with her, her gym teachers are doing a bit online but you need the kit and her long anticipated Brownie trip has been cancelled. As for education, it's hit and miss at best. She needs more than me and that's exactly how it should be.

I'm feeling so anxious today. Galloping heart, feeling of dread, nausea, exhaustion, weepiness.

At least I assume it's anxiety. FFS I'm not even prone to it. Just really reaching the end of my rope. I could cry for a week, but I daren't start in case I never stop and I have a presentation to get ready.

Thankyou all so much for your kindness, tea, cakes and bearhugs.
I have just come off the phone with DD. We haven't been together since January, so I've not been able to fulfill my mum duty of tea, cake and bearhugs for her going through the loss of her beloved Nan, whilst living a 4 hour drive away. She has been warned that the bearhug is going to happen when we do finally meet up again to which the reply was "can't wait for a mumhug and we'd better alert the x-ray dept of 2 incoming with multipule rib fractures, cos you're not getting of lightly either.".
We've scheduled a virtual coffee (or tea in her case), for tomorrow to celebrate her going back to work next week....and she's promised to hug a meerkat or 2 for me.

Just miss my friends and social activities so much. And my family are far far away. My dad died so my mum is on her own, raging about Drakeford and his stupid bullshit. Boyfriend has gone emotionally AWOL.

I know loads of you have it much harder because you have kids at home 24/7 which is my idea of hell, so you have my utmost sympathy.

I'm grateful for this thread and group of people. There are people suffering in the world right now and most
Of it is due to the lockdown. It has made things worse not better.

I'm a sahm too but I wasn't completely on my own with no support. I have family and toddler groups where people supported each other.

Things can't go on like this.
I find the next chapter scary though. Health discrimination and compulsory vaccines? 😳

and she's promised to hug a meerkat or 2 for me.

My brain is officially mush. My first assumption there was that she must work for Compare the Market

Then I remembered her actual work.

@trappedsincesundaymorn

Thankyou all so much for your kindness, tea, cakes and bearhugs. I have just come off the phone with DD. We haven't been together since January, so I've not been able to fulfill my mum duty of tea, cake and bearhugs for her going through the loss of her beloved Nan, whilst living a 4 hour drive away. She has been warned that the bearhug is going to happen when we do finally meet up again to which the reply was "can't wait for a mumhug and we'd better alert the x-ray dept of 2 incoming with multipule rib fractures, cos you're not getting of lightly either.". We've scheduled a virtual coffee (or tea in her case), for tomorrow to celebrate her going back to work next week....and she's promised to hug a meerkat or 2 for me.

I’m envious of your DD’s job, I’d love to be a zookeeper! Maybe I can retrain in 2040 when my kids are back at school

@hestershaw1 - these threads have confirmed my suspicion that it's hellish for different people in different ways. DD is 8, my idea of hell would definitely be lockdown with an 18 month-3 year old. At least we can have a decent walk and a bit of a chat.

Actually my idea of hell would be being shielded and especially being shielded alone. Given how I've reacted to lockdown I don't know if I'd have survived that. (Other people may be fine with these situations and that's great - it's just what I think would break me).

DD is 8, my idea of hell would definitely be lockdown with an 18 month-3 year old

Mine are 6, 4 and 17 months. I keep thinking how much easier this whole thing would be with just the 6 and 4 year olds, then feel awful as 17 month old is lovely. I just can’t homeschool them and supervise him at the same time. And he’s at the age where I can’t take my eyes off him for a minute. Thankfully he’s just (this past week) started napping for an hour a day instead of 25 mins!

@drivingdown - I have endometriosis and had to make a decision about whether to have a second fairly quickly after DD. I got to 18 months, took DH out for wine and tapas and told, if you want a second child you'll need to find someone else. I regret it a bit now she's only for me but normally things are good (No new normal).

Hi everyone. So sad reading some of your posts today. I've been on MN for years but was a lurker before I found you lovely lot. When I first started reading your threads you had me howling with laughter - bright, sparky, irreverent and a gentle intolerance of the roolz. I felt comfortable and safe with you all and so decided to start chipping in my two penn'orth.

I'm feeling sad because it feels like the spark has gone out on this thread in particular - the situation now is getting so dire that even this merry bunch of rebels is struggling. Please don't think I'm saying 'cheer up' - this is the most special of safe places to be honest - but I guess I'm just acknowledging that this situation is starting to beat even the hardiest of us.

I would like to say thank you to you all for your contributions. Some of you speak directly to me and I find your way with words very powerful and I also love the fact that this is now literally the only place on MN where we can respectfully debate and disagree and consequently all learn something xx

@Ibake

Hi everyone. So sad reading some of your posts today. I've been on MN for years but was a lurker before I found you lovely lot. When I first started reading your threads you had me howling with laughter - bright, sparky, irreverent and a gentle intolerance of the roolz. I felt comfortable and safe with you all and so decided to start chipping in my two penn'orth.

I'm feeling sad because it feels like the spark has gone out on this thread in particular - the situation now is getting so dire that even this merry bunch of rebels is struggling. Please don't think I'm saying 'cheer up' - this is the most special of safe places to be honest - but I guess I'm just acknowledging that this situation is starting to beat even the hardiest of us.

I would like to say thank you to you all for your contributions. Some of you speak directly to me and I find your way with words very powerful and I also love the fact that this is now literally the only place on MN where we can respectfully debate and disagree and consequently all learn something xx

That’s actually helpful, feels a bit like a kick up the area that I definitely need today! Thank you

I think what's getting to all of us is that it feels endless. And a lot of the posts last night really resonated. Whitty's comments hit me hard, I had started to believe we were coming out the other side. And I don't think the government have any fucking idea what they're doing here.

We simply can't stay like this forever.

I wish Ferguson would shut up and fuck off. He's done enough damage. He doesn't even seem as though he's thinking of any kind of damage he is doing to people's lives and to society - it's all about salvaging his credibility.