I have zero authority

[ChiaWatermelon]

Hi,

Mum of two boys here, aged 8 & 18. Looking for some help and advice on how I can become a stronger mother with some authority in my house.

I love both of my sons to bits, and I wouldn’t change them for the world, but sometimes I feel bullied and manipulated, DS (18) isn’t too bad, DS (8) is the problem, I have tried to ignore it hoping that he will grow out of it.

He is very well behaved at school, but at home he is a completely different person

He is miserable, he is always moaning about something.

He is an extremely fussy eater, take this morning for an example, he asked for a salmon cream cheese bagel once out in front of him he decided he didn’t want it.

Since being off school he has refused to join in on the online classes (at the start of the pandemic, the school ordered for every child to get dressed and attend online assembly, he did it the first day then decided that he wasn’t going to do it again)

It’s been a struggle to get him out of the house for daily exercise and supermarket trips, he just sulks the whole time I find myself bribing him with amazon credit.

The list goes on.

@Happicuppa my 27 yr old gets himself breakfast

This morning it was a can of Pepsi and a packet of Jaffa cakes...

I feel you can’t win at parenting

I wish someone offered to make me breakfast of poached eggs

So the girlfriend doesn’t live with you but you allowed her to stay for dinner and she may spend the night? Wow. It seems you’re one of those people who think that lockdown restrictions don’t apply to them.

@DotForShort if DS(18) told me that she was coming here, I would have told him no. Yes I allowed her to stay for dinner, I couldn’t turn her away. I hope to god that she doesn’t think she is staying the night with my son, I have texted him but he hasn’t replied as yet.

Why couldn’t you turn her away? That would have been the responsible thing to do.

And why don’t you just tell her now that she needs to go home?

IF you don't want her to stay, then go and tell him! Don't text him unless he's in the west wing

@InThePocketOfAJacket even though my son is in the wrong he deserves some privacy, I don’t just want to go up there. I will give him to 9.30 to reply, if he doesn’t I’ll call him, if he doesn’t pick up I’ll go and knock on his bedroom.

If it gets to that stage, I will simply ask her does she think it is wise to sleep over during Covid-19, hopefully she’ll get the message and leave.

OP you're coming across like an absolute moron. I really don't know what it would take to get you to see sense, but obviously 400+ people on the internet haven't succeeded.

You are the adult, you are paying the bills, your children are not in charge!

I couldn't turn her away

Why?

even though my son is in the wrong he deserves some privacy, I don’t just want to go up there

Just knock?

OP I feel like if a burglar started climbing through the window you would just sit there quietly and let them nick stuff for fear of causing a scene.

seriously no one can really be this spineless

I will simply ask her does she think it is wise to sleep over during Covid-19, hopefully she’ll get the message and leave

I'm assuming you say "hopefully" because if she doesn't get the message, you presumably wouldn't even have the backbone to ask someone to leave your own home during a NATIONAL LOCKDOWN.

I would not bribe him and I would use consequences. I would take away electronic games for a time limit if you are disrespected. The uneaten bagel would be offered for tea also. Asking for food then not eating it is unacceptable. You need to be the Parent and show whose boss.

Op, does your 8yo actually have diagnosed ocd? What does it have to do with his behaviour?

@OtterBe4 in vino veritas
I read this realise and wondered wtf this hasn’t been deleted

earlier not realised
Bloody vino veritas

She’s left, so glad that I didn’t have to go up there. I told DS(18) that it’s best that he doesn’t bring her here again because it’s not like he is going to keep his distance.

Yes DS(8) has been diagnosed with OCD

@Dirtydeeds (done cheap?)
Sermo Tuus Veritas Est

@OtterBe4
@DirtyDeeds

Both of you need to get a life, you are coming across as the type of people that troll celebrities and successful people on social media sites, how do you even know that my mental health is ok? So many people commit suicide every year due to people trolling others (the same you are doing to me)

@OtterBe4 even. Far too much vino and veritas