I'm raising a spoilt kid and it's my own fault.

[WhySeaEmm]

Just that, really. DS is almost 10 and has no concept of money. He is SO spoilt and just throws money away. He is constantly asking for more, more, more.

This is my doing because I usually cave in and give him more, much to the OH's pained looks. I have issues around wanting him to want for nothing after a poor childhood myself. I should say we can afford it luckily, but I don't want him being terrible with money.

He gets £9 a week pocket money which he's allowed to spend on whatever he likes. That's basically vbucks and roblox which makes me feel a bit sick. But the whole point of his own pocket money was that he could spend it on shite he liked. BUT that's where the problems begin. We go to the supermarket and he wants a toy... and begs and pleads... sometimes I give in (and then feel dreadful afterwards). He spends his money on Roblox on payday, then a day or two later he's asking me for 99p for more. Again, sometimes I give in. He also gets £10 whenever he sees grandparents, 1/2 times a month.

I know I NEED to just say no but it's really difficult for me. He absolutely will not save, I've tried so hard to explain savings to him but he just can't seem to manage it. He did once manage to save up £100 for a Switch but I paid the rest.

Any advice gratefully received, I know I'm in a mess and really want things to change.

Well done for taking the first steps, OP. Presumably DS isn’t accompanying you to the supermarket at the moment so in some ways this is a good opportunity to break those habits.

Well done you! The first step is always the hardest.

Good on you, OP! Stick with that calm willpower and non-confrontational authority!

My 9 year old only gets £5 a week, but we up it to £10 if he does some jobs like washing cars, weeding, unloading dishwasher etc. We don't buy extra game credits, he pays for that. Could you do something like that - get him to earn some of it?

I would sometimes buy a random thing when they didn’t expect it, they were always so pleased it was hard not to do it very often. They both used to look longingly at something or say oh that’s really nice but they actually never asked for it, perhaps a large hopeful hint and I would ask if they had enough pocket money funnily enough they went off the item rapidly if they were paying, unless they really really wanted it, sometimes I would lend them the extra to be paid back from next weeks pocket money and now as adults they are both good savers. One less than the other but can do it when he wants something like a holiday.

I found that kids do go off things very quickly when you say "sure, spend your own money and you can have it!"

Well done OP. It is hard not to give in when you love them and want to treat them in the moment. Stay firm! He will push you on this and you need to stay very consistent for ages - don’t treat him at the weekend for example it’s too soon.

Little story for you ... waiting in the queue for the garden centre this weekend, behind me was a couple with a child age around 9/10. The child was screaming and sobbing and creating a right scene as she was being told that unusually there would not be a toy being bought today. Yes we usually do buy a toy or sweeties at the shops but not today as that bit is closed ... screaming, shouting, foot stamping ensues, lots of placating and pleading from parents, we heard the wailing all round the centre. I didn’t have the opportunity to find out that child’s better qualities of which I’m sure there are many so I judged away silently. And of course I wasn’t judging the child, I was judging the parents...

Well done op keep up the good work.
A lovely one we did when ours were around that age was having three jars/money boxes.
When given their pocket money the children would decide how much to put in each jar, but they had to put something into each. One was ‘save’, another ‘spend’ and the last ‘a good cause’ (often collections at school etc.)
It made them quite mindful and made DC2 who loved to spend money on tat realise how much he could have saved when he saw how much DC1 had managed.

It is hard not to give in when you love them and want to treat them in the moment

Yes all us meanies hate our children.

I wasn’t saying anyone here is a meanie! Just empathising with the OP.

But you equated gift buying with love.

Not buying gifts doesn’t mean you don’t love someone.

That’s not what I meant. I’m not saying if you don’t buy stuff you don’t love your kids

You love your kids, you (might) enjoy showing your love by buying them stuff. It may have become the default way of showing them love - which often turns into spoiling.

You love your kids, you don’t buy them stuff whenever they ask because you haven’t fallen into that trap, or been going through an emotional process borne out of a difficult childhood.

You love your kids, sometimes you buy them stuff, sometimes you don’t.

One doesn’t preclude the other and many parents go through all three and more processes. Stop trying to pick an argument where there isn’t one.