I'm raising a spoilt kid and it's my own fault.

[WhySeaEmm]

Just that, really. DS is almost 10 and has no concept of money. He is SO spoilt and just throws money away. He is constantly asking for more, more, more.

This is my doing because I usually cave in and give him more, much to the OH's pained looks. I have issues around wanting him to want for nothing after a poor childhood myself. I should say we can afford it luckily, but I don't want him being terrible with money.

He gets £9 a week pocket money which he's allowed to spend on whatever he likes. That's basically vbucks and roblox which makes me feel a bit sick. But the whole point of his own pocket money was that he could spend it on shite he liked. BUT that's where the problems begin. We go to the supermarket and he wants a toy... and begs and pleads... sometimes I give in (and then feel dreadful afterwards). He spends his money on Roblox on payday, then a day or two later he's asking me for 99p for more. Again, sometimes I give in. He also gets £10 whenever he sees grandparents, 1/2 times a month.

I know I NEED to just say no but it's really difficult for me. He absolutely will not save, I've tried so hard to explain savings to him but he just can't seem to manage it. He did once manage to save up £100 for a Switch but I paid the rest.

Any advice gratefully received, I know I'm in a mess and really want things to change.

You don't need to have a big chat, you don't need him to give you permission to be the adult, or to agree with your decision. You don't need to be popular with him or be his friend. You need to parent him.

Why do you find it so difficult to say no? Are you scared there will be a confrontation/meltdown/crying? If so, it's really not that bad you know. You can deal with this and it's no bad thing for kids to learn how to deal with disappointment.

You aren't doing him any favours which you know already. Just think, you don't want him to grow up to be a spoiled entitled man who is maybe talked about on here one day!

And he should do chores as part of contributing to your shared household, part of preparing him for independance. He should not receive money for doing chores.

Also, you want to find some phrases you can mentally replace your current thought patterns with. So when you think things like "Oh, it's only 99p" add on to that "It's only a few days until he gets his pocket money". (ie, he can wait). When you think things like "I remember feeling so terrible when mum/dad said I couldn't have something" remind yourself "This isn't the same, because he has lots of things at home". When you think "He's so upset about not being able to have that" try to think "The shop will still have it next week. He can have it - just not right now and he is in control of when."

I agree with maybe giving DH total charge over his pocket money if you find it too hard, but hopefully these ideas might help you not find it hard.

Also if you explain it to him as a new idea you're trying to help him learn to save, big it up like that, because being able to save is a really useful skill. He should then be on board in the shop when you remind him ok, but I can't get it for you today because you don't have enough left. How about you make a savings goal for that, or put it on your wish list for pocket money day. If course he will still have the occasional tantrum or pleading session because he's learned this works, but since he gets so much money so regularly you'll be able to redirect that fairly easily.

I would do a chat simply because it helps to explicitly say "I know I used to do this, but I'm not going to do that any more. Instead if you want something in a shop we will write it down and when we get home you can decide if you want to make a new savings pot for it." It just helps him understand that there is a change, it's not just the boundary seemingly coming out of nowhere or you seeming to suddenly "be mean". That's not asking for permission, it's simply making your intentions clear. He might even come up with some useful ideas of his own to try!

WRT chores, plenty of families do it that way. It doesn't matter really which system you choose as long as you're consistent about it.

I have DS exactly the same age and would recommend GoHenry. I put £30 per month on it, and that is it, he can't have more.

It's hooked up to his PS4 and roblox account. I also insist that the 'can I just' purchases in shops are made with it- so if he doesn't have it with him it's a 'no'. It's too dangerous to get involved in the adult paying up front and then recouping it later.

DS has the app on his phone (he boards- has the phone for that) so he can see for himself how much he has.

You can also assign tasks on GoHenry so they can be paid set amounts weekly for extra jobs etc.

If you do give him £1 (99p) extra, tell him it’s coming out of the following weeks pocket money.
If he tantrums like a baby in the supermarket, let him, laugh & walk away.
No need for “a chat”, pull on your big girl pants, make sure your DH backs you up and tell him no.
Good luck!

I have issues around wanting him to want for nothing after a poor childhood myself.

Therapy might be a good idea then. You are setting him up for a lifetime of bad money managememt and poor childhoods for your grandkids. Better to deny him now.

Oh my goodness, my poor ds is the same age as yours and gets 50p a week! He has the option to top-up his money by doing extra chores. I’m a bit hmm about paying him to do housework but I like that his pay is in his hands and I want to teach him the concept that sometimes if you want something you have to do jobs you don’t really want to do to earn it. Sometimes though he’s happy with his 50p. He can buy some football cards for that.

Highly recommend the book 'The opposite of Spoiled' by Ron Lieber. All about teaching kids the value of money.

Op, a sorry tale. My best friend has a 18 year old son who quite honestly is one of the most spoilt people I have ever met. He has been spoiled from the day he was born and nothing is ever good enough for him.

At xmas time my friend and I went out and she was in a very sad mood, she told me how much she dislikes her son but she knows he is the product of his upbringing and it is her fault.

You don’t want your son to be that person.

You need to say no and mean it.
Watch a couple of episodes of super Nanny.

Mine gets his pocket money monthly and when it's gone, it's gone. Any more he has to do chores and that means bathrooms and toilets.

Up to you. When he's 15, youll wish you had got a handle on it sooner.

So you’re planning on giving him £60 a month when he’s 15 - what do you think he will spend that on??

He should get one lot of pocket money each week. This could be the money he gets from grandparents with no more coming from you. He will be expected to save this to buy himself games and toys,, or to buy christmas and birthday presents for people, or to spend if you go away on holidays, as well as paying for whatever else he wants to treat himself with.

I would consider giving him the cash weekly so he can physically disappearing when he wants to spend it on his gaming (he'll have to give it to you).

I don't agree with children getting money for chores. Children should contribute to the work of running their shared household.

I like your £1.00 per year of age, wish i'd have thought of that. would have saved me some £££'s
Dd now 12 used to get £10.00 a week until she started secondary school Now she gets £35.00.

We’ve given generous amounts of pocket money but it’s been divided up - a third to spend on whatever they want, a third to save (usually to buy Christmas and birthday presents for family and for taking on holiday) and the final third to donate to a charity of their choice. It’s seemed to work and they developed good money habits.

Time to get assertive. It will help him in the long run.

Have never given additional money for helping around the house - they are part of the family and have to help out whenever asked, both for regular chores or extras.

If he asks for money, loan it to him with interest. He wants a toy at the store but no money that week? Cost of toy plus 5% interest, deducted from his next allowance. Perhaps there will be a week when he has pre-spent everything.

You are the problem here, OP. You.

He knows he just needs to keep pestering you until you give him.

Stop giving in.