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Do most people have a terrible secret which could ruin their life?

500 replies

aurynne · 18/05/2020 07:59

Yesterday my DH and I were watching an episode of The Honourable Woman, and I found myself thinking back to all the movies, novels and series in which it appears that every character is carrying a dark, terrible secret which would ruin their life if it came to light. Often there is someone in the plot who, at some point, says something like "Everybody has a secret to protect", and the main character nods wisely, as if this was widely known and accepted.

I know it's fiction, but do you believe this is mostly true? Do you have a secret which, if revealed, would affect your or your loved ones' lives in a significant way? Of course I am not asking you to reveal it here (although if you wish, please be my guest, I am very nosey!), but please just feed my curiosity by saying YES (I have a dark secret) or NO (I don't have any dark secrets).

Personally, I think I must be very boring. The best detective in the World could not really find anything juicy to blackmail me with. My family is not going to find any skeletons in my closet (perhaps just some dust balls). I obviously have parts of my life that I prefer to remain in the private arena, but nothing worth going viral for, nothing that would really shock anyone or turn my life upside down by far if I published it today in The New York Times.

What about you?

OP posts:
Giggorata · 18/05/2020 09:42

I have a few... they're hopefully going to stay buried.

Hoppinggreen · 18/05/2020 09:44

yes I do (did).
I'm not giving details but I finally cracked and told DH last week. It was awful, especially for the dc but we are working through it and the sheer bloody relief at not waking up every morning and wondering if today was the day DH found out is wonderful. I think the reason I told him now was because of Lockdown, we are both here together all day and the façade was more difficult to maintain.
I honestly wasn't sure that Dh would forgive me and for the first 24 hours it looked like divorce was on the cards but we are now slowly returning to some sort of normal.
I really wish I had told him a couple of years ago

MayFayre · 18/05/2020 09:44

Yes several

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Didiusfalco · 18/05/2020 09:46

I was going to say no, but then I thought about it and there is something pretty serious, but decades ago so it’s probably irrelevant. I think my moral compass must be a bit off though, because stuff like cheating on a boyfriend when young I just think of as one of those things rather than something that would be a secret.

Ninkanink · 18/05/2020 09:47

No I’ve not got any skeletons in my cupboard.

I do have fairly big bits of my life that I don’t talk about with anyone but my DH.

CurlyEndive · 18/05/2020 09:47

No. I honestly can't think of anything that I would want my DH / mum and dad to find out about me.

GunungBatur · 18/05/2020 09:48

Yes, I think they do.
DH's caused the breakdown of his relationship with his brother; I don't think they'll reconcile.
Mine would hurt many people, so it will remain a secret. It's of the type that many others have to live with.

MaybeDoctor · 18/05/2020 09:48

Infidelity is far more common than many people like to think, so at any one point in time there are a lot of people walking around with a secret.

I am sure that we've all had moments when we see someone we know in a place/at a time when you wouldn't expect them to be there and think 'that doesn't quite add up'. But then we just put it out of our minds.

MitziK · 18/05/2020 09:50

Nope.

But if I were to lose my mind go into politics and be rather good at it, become famous or be seen to be wealthy and successful, I know damn well that people would crawl out of the woodwork to try to destroy me with their false versions of things that had happened. And the papers would lap it up.

It's what abusers do. There is one thing in particular that I don't share because it would hurt somebody else - the abuser's version has already been told, but the actual truth is far, far more hurtful than their version of events.

squeekums · 18/05/2020 09:51

Nah, nothing really hidden here, most know my past

felineflutter · 18/05/2020 09:51

Yes

Bakedbrie · 18/05/2020 09:51

Yes. But happened 30 years ago in a moment of madness. It doesn’t keep me awake though I wouldn’t want to deal with the fall out of revealing - and I have been a very good girl ever since.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 18/05/2020 09:52

Yes.

felineflutter · 18/05/2020 09:52

But maybe not big enough to ruin my life. Just things I have done when I was younger.

ImJustCoddlingAnEgg · 18/05/2020 09:53

No

PissOffStayAtHomeDogMum · 18/05/2020 09:54

No

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 18/05/2020 09:54

A secret is only a secret when one person knows.

Dillydallyingthrough · 18/05/2020 09:55

Unfortunately yes. A couple which would end my career and one which would affect my family. And I'm so ashamed I cant even write it down on an anonymous forum!

8elate8 · 18/05/2020 09:56

Yes, it would definitely ruin my life and when I think if it it makes me cry and i csnt believe it's something i went through. Its horrible to feel this way and not "good entertaintment"

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/05/2020 09:58

No, plus you do have to bear in mind that so much fiction, whether book or film, would be very boring if all the characters had led reasonably happy, relatively blameless lives, and continued to do so.

You have to have ‘something happening’ - or, as one successful author put it, ‘If things are flagging, bring in a man with a gun.’ (Metaphorically speaking.)

viewfromthecouch · 18/05/2020 09:59

Yes.

FrenchyQ · 18/05/2020 10:00

Yes I have a couple, think my family would disown me if they knew the truth

sleepyhead · 18/05/2020 10:01

Someone told me their dark and terrible secret a couple of months ago and it was honestly nothing that most people would give a damn about - certainly not life ruining.

I could have cried for them that such a little thing had been causing them so much shame and pain.

So I think there are 3 categories:

  • No terrible secrets
  • A "terrible secret" that you carry around with you for no reason because it's grown into a monster in your head
  • An actual terrible secret
SedentaryCat · 18/05/2020 10:04

Yes.

FlamingoAndJohn · 18/05/2020 10:04

Nope. Nothing.

A few years ago they brought in a rule about DBS checks that if you or someone you live with had ever been arrested for certain offences then you had to stop working instantly until it had been checked and it was decided that you weren’t a threat.
The idea was that your partner might be coercing you into carrying out abuse etc. But the offences were quite wide ranging.
A lot of teachers suddenly went on gardening leave.