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Do most people have a terrible secret which could ruin their life?

500 replies

aurynne · 18/05/2020 07:59

Yesterday my DH and I were watching an episode of The Honourable Woman, and I found myself thinking back to all the movies, novels and series in which it appears that every character is carrying a dark, terrible secret which would ruin their life if it came to light. Often there is someone in the plot who, at some point, says something like "Everybody has a secret to protect", and the main character nods wisely, as if this was widely known and accepted.

I know it's fiction, but do you believe this is mostly true? Do you have a secret which, if revealed, would affect your or your loved ones' lives in a significant way? Of course I am not asking you to reveal it here (although if you wish, please be my guest, I am very nosey!), but please just feed my curiosity by saying YES (I have a dark secret) or NO (I don't have any dark secrets).

Personally, I think I must be very boring. The best detective in the World could not really find anything juicy to blackmail me with. My family is not going to find any skeletons in my closet (perhaps just some dust balls). I obviously have parts of my life that I prefer to remain in the private arena, but nothing worth going viral for, nothing that would really shock anyone or turn my life upside down by far if I published it today in The New York Times.

What about you?

OP posts:
KaleJuicer · 18/05/2020 10:07

yes

JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown · 18/05/2020 10:08

Most of these seem to read as affairs/infidelity or otherwise sexual such as escorting. I'm wondering how many aren't in those categories?
I had a few wild years after my divorce and have done some (always consensual) things that some people might be Shock at. I'm not ashamed but I know I'd be judged if some of it came out so I'd prefer to keep it private.

AmNot · 18/05/2020 10:08

Yes. I got away with it though.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

wizzbangfizz · 18/05/2020 10:09

I do, 3 secrets I would not want anyone finding out - a close friend knows one, no one else.

saints2020 · 18/05/2020 10:10

There are things about me and my youth which my parents don't know about, which if they did would ruin my relationship with them.

Herja · 18/05/2020 10:10

Everyone knows all of mine, I hold someone else's though. Nothing to do with me and an old secret, but one that would unquestionably change a lot of lives. I think I'm one of two people in the world who know and it will stay that way.

ninecoronas · 18/05/2020 10:10

Yes, and they're not even mine. I'm so angry with the person who told me for making me complicit in their deceit but at the same time the truth would hurt many people so I haven't said anything.

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 18/05/2020 10:14

Yes. Quite a few.
Life was... Different... Before DD..

These days it's calmer, quieter, less "Metal" more "Easy Listening"

IDefinitelyHaveFriends · 18/05/2020 10:14

One thing that I keep quiet because I’m ashamed (though I think most people on the thread would be sympathetic rather than judgemental). One entertainingly salacious story which I don’t repeat because the other parties involved might object and we explicitly had a 4 walls clause in operation.

In my wider family two huge EastEnders style secrets.

Megatron · 18/05/2020 10:15

Hmm. There are a couple of things that I would not like to be public as I'm pretty ashamed of them and may cloud someone's view of me. Not enough to ruin my life but I wouldn't like it.

Paperdove87 · 18/05/2020 10:15

I have three. One I never think about but two that in cycles from time to time keep me up at night. I'm not a person you'd expect to have secrets like these-I come across as really boring.

By the way, if any of you like podcasts, there's one called 'Family Secrets' by Dani Shapiro that has people talking about exactly this sort of thing. Its quite good!

BobbinThreadbare123 · 18/05/2020 10:18

I used to read the website Daily Confessions - don't think it is still going. Some of those were very juicy! I guess it's like a Catholic confessing?

Bleepbloopblarp · 18/05/2020 10:19

I have a few from my younger days which I wouldn’t want people to know - especially dh. I don’t think it’d ruin my life - but he’d be pissed off.

Also my bf had an affair with her boss for years whilst married to her dh. They now have dc’s and are happy enough. She’s a bit of a “perfect mummy” type though and I’m sure people would be very shocked if they knew. I’m the only person she confided in though and I’d never tell anyone. Her dh is friendly with her ex-boss too. He’d be devastated.

ArthurBloom · 18/05/2020 10:22

@Paperdove87 Great recommendation, thank you!

I have a few secrets from a time where I thought my "easy life" was worth more than people's happiness, I work hard to remind myself that other people matter and my own needs aren't greater than everyone elses.

thecatneuterer · 18/05/2020 10:22

No, but I often think that if I suddenly became famous, or a politician, then I might feature in a number of salacious stories in the press (probably involving the word 'romp' Grin) if old acquaintances decided to make a buck.

MeganBacon · 18/05/2020 10:22

There are things I'd prefer people didn't know (the very ugly side of mental breakdown mostly) but if they did happen to find them out, it would reflect very badly on them if they thought any the worse of me because of them.

userabcname · 18/05/2020 10:23

No. I'm really boring!

SparrowInTheHedge · 18/05/2020 10:26

Yes, two major secrets which are, annoyingly, not my own doing. I have to keep them both up otherwise my life and my family's life will implode. It causes me a great deal of anxiety in many daily situations. I've been living like this for 20 years.

Even my DP only knows one of them and I regret telling him that one.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 18/05/2020 10:28

Not really. Had a a patch of bad mental health and was quite ill. Most people knew I was unwell but not the extent of it. DH knows.
As it's got further into my past I haven't told anyone new. It's not a life destroying secret though, however it's not something I want people around me discussing.

megrichardson · 18/05/2020 10:28

I don't know about anyone else on this thread, but during lockdown I've had too much time to reflect on my life and I think I may have been getting my past misdemeanours out of proportion, and this thread has helped to restore a sense of balance about things. I can now see that many people have things in their past that are perhaps less than admirable, and we all just continue to chug along and do our best day to day.

Doingitaloneandproud · 18/05/2020 10:29

I have a few secrets, I don't know if they'd ruin my life but I wouldn't want them to come out... I think because I'm a different person now than I was and I wouldn't want people to think they were new secrets if that makes sense!!

I have a few secrets I keep for people, I think that's harder and I don't like knowing themBlush

Justanotherscumbag · 18/05/2020 10:29

I have things I'm not proud that I did while my mental health wasn't good of but they're not earth shattering or dangerous, or illegal, but they certainly coloured people's view of me, that I'd rather new people in my life didn't know, mainly because I'm not that person any more and the people who were around at the time, well they just have this static view of me being who I was then and that's that.
I was (not accused as that's the wrong word) but involved on the same level as some other people in something that was quite big and potentially very damaging a while ago. Someone very close to me said "Surely you can see why they'd think it was you though"
That's what I'm trying to avoid. I'm not and never have been a 'bad' person, but people that were around then are blind to everything except the mistakes I made then.
I'm given a fair go by people who meet me and get to know me know, I will never be given that by some of those around then. No matter what I do.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 18/05/2020 10:30

God my family has more Skelton's in the closet than our cemetery. 🙄

Mine is I was abused as a child.........sexual abuse. I'm not particularly ashamed of it. All my siblings were too but I'm sitting on it because one sis has mental health problems as a result. So she likes to wheel out what 'my father did ' (( it's true, he abused her, he was her step father )) to all and sundry whether I'm there or not. She also does the same to my other sis and will also throw in we're just like him.

I'm very low contact as a result, it's an act of self preservation and I was the last sibling to give in and cut loose. The other two are fine, and have moved on.

So no one knows. Solely because I don't want the ins and out and the gory details of what happened to me being shared to all and sundry and the bird she doesn't know she'll make up. This as actually had a massive, negative impact on my life. But if rather she carried on declaring that I don't know what it was like because I wasn't abused (( she thinks because I was the youngest I escaped somehow )) than have even the tiniest nugget of info. So I keep it to myself.

In fact posting this is probably the most I've ever shared and surprisingly cathartic. Hmm

TaighNamGastaOrt · 18/05/2020 10:31

No. My narc sisters keep trying to smear me by 'revealing my secrets so people will hate me'.
Still waiting, I've nothing to hide! Grin

Abbcccus · 18/05/2020 10:32

Yes - several
Ones that would hurt others and ones that would hurt me
Others know of some of them, no-one knows of all of them.
I will take them to the grave.