Do most people have a terrible secret which could ruin their life?

[aurynne]

Yesterday my DH and I were watching an episode of The Honourable Woman, and I found myself thinking back to all the movies, novels and series in which it appears that every character is carrying a dark, terrible secret which would ruin their life if it came to light. Often there is someone in the plot who, at some point, says something like "Everybody has a secret to protect", and the main character nods wisely, as if this was widely known and accepted.

I know it's fiction, but do you believe this is mostly true? Do you have a secret which, if revealed, would affect your or your loved ones' lives in a significant way? Of course I am not asking you to reveal it here (although if you wish, please be my guest, I am very nosey!), but please just feed my curiosity by saying YES (I have a dark secret) or NO (I don't have any dark secrets).

Personally, I think I must be very boring. The best detective in the World could not really find anything juicy to blackmail me with. My family is not going to find any skeletons in my closet (perhaps just some dust balls). I obviously have parts of my life that I prefer to remain in the private arena, but nothing worth going viral for, nothing that would really shock anyone or turn my life upside down by far if I published it today in The New York Times.

What about you?

several that I wouldn't want to be public knowledge, but I don't know if secrets lose their power over time? I know that my grandmother had a deep dark secret, we discovered after she died that her first son was conceived when her DH (my grandfather) wasn't even in the country (from war records), she also lived at some sort of christian hostel. She suffered terribly with this secret, having severe (what would now be called) PTSD - (which looked like complete madness at the time, without context). And if you look at most family histories you will uncover secrets that could have had devastating consequences if they were exposed at the time - but maybe now the secrets wouldn't hold that much weight? so I guess it depends on the era that you're born into and the sort of thing that you are shielding from other people. I'm very sad that my grandmother didn't or couldn't tell people what had happened to her.

Oh actually I do have one!! it's not mine, well it sort of is...but it would ruin half a dozen lives if it got out! It's actually very boring and a bit sad in reality though.

I have a few. Mostly mine, but one is my parents secret.

I want to know what they are!!!

No not really. A couple of things I wouldnt tell elderly relatives or my boss but nothing too major.

I know that someone elses parentage is not what they think - this type of secret is probably fairly common.

My secrets:

-I decided I would kill myself when I was 23.
-I was in therapy for 3 years.
-sexual abuse from a female cousin when I was 7.
-small drug overdose when I was 16.
-I knew my grandmother was ill in hospital, but I honestly thought she would be okay- so I delayed my flight for a week to get a cheaper ticket. But she was already in a coma and died two days after I arrived.
-I've been in love with a married man for more than two years, but nothing has happened between us.

My brother knows most of it already, but my parents and younger sisters don't.

Name changed for this, but yes - I used to be an escort in my early twenties. Only a hand full of people know and DH is one of them. But if our families or work etc found out, although it probably wouldn't totally ruin my life, it would be hard to overcome.

There are a couple of dark family skeletons.

I know one about a family pertaining to incest. 🤮 the children of my generation and younger don’t actually know AFAIK. I was sort of told by accident.

I also have one that was dangerous and could have seen me in prison in another country, if not worse.

My part was inadvertent and I honestly had no clue that I was in the middle of it until it was too late but nobody would have believed me. I got home before shit hit the fan but I do feel huge amounts of guilt about that.

One sister knows. Not even DH knows but only because I really don’t talk about it ever.

Got my share of skeletons, nothing that would shock you here but the sort of thing journalists would scoop if I were a politician.

I don't have anything that would destroy my life but the one main thing that I will keep a secret is DS was not planned, while its not a big thing, I remember my mum telling me I was an accident and it changed my view on a few things, its difficult to put into words

Mark Twain once sent a dozen of his friends a telegram which said something like "Flee at once - all has been discovered" and everyone single one of them left town!

DS ordered a take away pizza at the weekend and when he finished it there were still two slices in the box that he was saving for later. I didn't know and I'm sick of his mess so I chucked the box in the bin. Through next day he was stomping around the house whining about his pizza and DH to the rap (and gave him a bollocking about treating the house like a hotel) so he doesn't know it was me.

Netflix have brought the rights and are going to make it into a six part series.

No. I don't think so.

My worst secret is when I was 18 I broke up with my boyfriend and I went to where he lived and cried in a bush for ages.

It makes me laugh now but at the time it was so tragic and romantic and mortifying. I would have been so sad if anyone found out how 'crazy ex-girlfriend' I was capable of being.

Well I guess my secrets out now!

That’s brilliant @DuckyMcDuck
We are not alone. My secret is horrible, it’s about my actions. I wonder sometimes if my whole life is an attempt to make up for what I did.
If people knew they wouldn’t believe it.

Not me but I know a married woman who had an affair and became pregnant by her lover, and is now bringing up that child as her husband's. Neither of them know. I think the girl is about 13 now.

And I also know someone who has had a long standing (I'm talking years) affair with her husband's brother.

@DuckyMcDuck "Mark Twain once sent a dozen of his friends a telegram which said something like 'Flee at once - all has been discovered' and everyone single one of them left town!"

This is brilliant!

Thanks @DuckyMcDuck! After reading the OPs blackmailer at random comment I was trying to remember where the flee anecdote came from (thought it was a plot)

Yes, a few.

One that is no longer a secret is that I used to leave the house as if to go to school every morning, then change out of my uniform and spend all day in the non-fiction section at the local library instead. At the time I thought this made me a terrible person and felt very guilty about lying so much, but I hated school and was far too anxious to go near it.

In hindsight I learnt more in the time I spent there than I would have at school! It was at a time when schools didn't chase up on things, I never got caught, and I only told my dad years later when it no longer seemed such a terrible thing.

Yes. Very much so.

Mine wouldn't ruin my life, but I'd certainly be ashamed about it if it got out and it'd probably change the way my family and friends see me. The act itself isn't even 'bad' in the scheme of things but it's more that it's not in keeping with how I'm perceived. Isn't that the real power of a secret though in essence? If you're open about your mistakes/people already expect you to have lived a 'wild' life then the truth being revealed will have no impact, but fairly innocuous things could have a huge impact if you're perceived to have led a boring and blameless existence.

I have a veritable Narnia wardrobe-full.

yes!

Not me directly, but I am privy to a couple of secrets about others which would ruin their lives if widely known.

I was brought up with some massive secrets also in my family but they are not things that nowadays would need to be kept secret, but 50 years ago were a much bigger deal.

The Honourable woman, I loved that series

I don't have a secret about myself but I know a couple of family secrets that would make others look at certain individuals in a different light.

Yes, although I think it would ruin other peoples' lives more than mine, which is why it's still a secret.