Baby number 5 on the way and I'm scared about what people will think

[Featheringthenest]

My husband and I have 4 amazing children under the age of 11 and this weekend we found out that we're expecting baby number 5. I desperately want to be excited but my overwhelming feeling is anxiety because I'm scared of what people are going to say and think. I'm very fortunate to be a full time stay at home Mum as my husband has an excellent job so I've never had to rely on people to look after my children and that won't change with the new baby. Am I overthinking this or is there still a stigma around large families? With 4 children I'm told all the time by strangers that I "must be mad" or "blimey, you're brave" which after a while hurts because my children are so well behaved and quite frankly my favourite people to be around. I know this won't have anything to do with anyone else and that I shouldn't care what others think but the truth is I do. Any advice would be gratefully welcomed. Thank you

A lot of keyboard warriors on here and if you had a close look at their life, you would probably see that they take lots of foreign holidays and plane journeys each year

That is a massive assumption Fiona1987

This overpopulation crap is spouted every time

Erm. Over population isn't crap. It's a fact.

I started a thread on ‘larger families’ v similar to this about a week ago .....
Congratulations OP x

Cross posted Punto

The empty nest point is interesting. Speaking as the parent of a university student, I couldn't wait for DD to start the next stage of her life. As the only child of much older parents I needed her to start living independently.

The Facebook page for parents of university students was full of mother (yes, always mothers, never fathers) spending all summer sobbing at the idea of their DC going away to university. Being that dependent on your child's company all the time can't be healthy.

Congratulations Op, you sound like a lovely family, enjoy your new baby.

@BarbaraofSeville ok let's all stop having children and die out does that work? Great.

You do realise that the need to reproduce is felt extremely strongly in most mammals. As strongly as it is to eat, breathe, have sex. Yet it's worse to have children then to fly.

I hope none of these anti-Chinese posters are pro brexit as we will need a lot more immigration to support all these old childless people in years to come. 👍

Anti-Children not Chinese!

As someone with 4 children, nearly 5 but lost a twin early on in my last pregnancy, I would think good on you. Dont let other people's opinions spoil your enjoyment. Yes other women have careers or travel widely or what have you. It doesn't make them better than you. Your desire is to have 5 children. Own it and enjoy it. There is one person here secretly a little envious of you. Small children and large families are such a joy. It is only.on Mumsney you get people saying what about the environment. I have never met anyone in real life who has said that, not to my face anyway. And if they did, from my.own personal point of view, I feel at ease. In my and my husband's immediate families there are 6 people of our generation and only one has a child. So from our generation of 6 we have shrunk to the next generation of 5. No population growth here.

Don't call people stating basic fact 'anti-children', @BabyLlamaZen. You yourself are sounding pretty anti-science.

It’s hypocritical to judge someone for having x number of children as environmental bastards unless you have no children yourself. Having only one, or only two doesn’t somehow negate their environmental impact.

I’d think you were completely bonkers but in an I pressed kind of way. I’d probably just kill myself if I had five children and no childcare.

Massive congratulations Op on your pregnancy.
I too have a large family. My children are a blessing and I am so joyfully busy raising my brood that any sanctimonious criticism falls on deaf ears.

Increasingly Mumsnet is not a friendly safe space for families with more than 2 children.
The mere mention of a larger family brings out the keyboard warriors to chastise, scold and berate. This happens even in the larger family section. Puzzling as I never find the need to view posts about one child families and pass judgement on their circumstances.

It really doesn’t matter what some random on the internet thinks. Enjoy your children. X

@lynsey91 ffs not you again.

Yes op people will judge, personally I think you're mad having 5 but if you spend your whole life worrying about what other people think you'll never be happy. Congratulations btw.

@soontobe6 For some reason its always the people with 2-3 children who pass judgment on the one child families. The people who had an extra child so their child would have a sibling, as if an extra child was some sort of teddy bear.

Firstly, congratulations!!

Secondly, a large family has always been a dream of mine, I grew up with 2 very older siblings so always felt like an only child and I'd rather have more than less! Lot's more fun!

Thirdly.. there are ways of giving your opinion.. be kind about it.
if they follow your lead, you’ll have 25 grandchildren. Depressing.
Bit late to worry now. I would think you are mad to have so many and careless and stupid to get pregnant again. Hope you make sure there is not a sixth

These aren't that kind are they? who are these to warn you off a sixth!

My sister has 2 kids, my brother will never have any.. so does that make it okay for me to have 3 or more? Yes there is an enviormental impact, but I am sure there is someone out there having their 6th or 7th so why should you feel guilty? it's happening now and there is no going back, so enjoy it. Are these people who are having enviromental concerns from your child changing their cars to fully electric? buying solar panels? not going abroad? not buying ANY plastic? no they probably are not. Good to some if you are but we aren't all saints.
A large family might be more green than a household of 2 people because you can teach them, unforunately adults nowadays not so much.

I would say just build a thicker skin because you are going to get people you know maybe thinking this and make sure you're prepared incase of a job loss etc, have a plan!

I'd think you were braver than me, and didn't care about the environment or overpopulation.

I'm afraid I agree with this (and for the PP, we have a veyr low carbon footprint and make decisions based on it)

But I also think there is a huge irresponsibility in every unplanned pregnancy.
If you have sex, use proper contraception, or make a decision to have a child. I hate phrases like 'fell pregnant' and 'accidental pregnancy'
If you are having sex, expect a baby or use contraception. It really isn't rocket science.
There are obviously a few genuine accidents. There are far fewer people pretend.

As a childless person I very definitely do not give my blessing to people who have large families to feel entitled to use my "quota".

I also think it's ridiculous to say that someone who takes a couple of short-haul flights a year cannot comment in the environmental impact of two people choosing to create double or triple that number of human beings.

Slightly bemused that when asked to give my opinion on a very large family mildly stating overpopulation and environmental concerns makes me “a keyboard warrior” - who knew 🙄

It is only.on Mumsney you get people saying what about the environment.

I'm astonished you believe that.

In my and my husband's immediate families there are 6 people of our generation and only one has a child. So from our generation of 6 we have shrunk to the next generation of 5. No population growth here.

And if they'd all had five children as well, would it have made any difference at all to your plans to have a large family? Honestly?

BabyLlamaZen

But we don't need people to be having 5 DC to maintain the population, an average of 2 each is fine. If some have three, that's also fine, but we don't need lots of people having 3 or more.

My siblings have produced 14 children between the three of them. I don't think there's any danger of my family lineage dying out any time soon.

I can’t believe people are so rude as to comment on your existing children when you haven’t invited opinions, that’s terrible behaviour.

I doubt anyone is really looking you and thinking ‘with concern’ of your life insurance arrangements as some posters claim. Faux concern is the new judgment I guess.

I would though, and did, laugh heartily when you and another poster with five children described yourselves as a green family. I’m sure you are doing everything in your power - you’re vegan and have no car and don’t fly anywhere and have no pets and are plastic free in the home etc - but you’re still not green as you contribute another five future households to the world. That’s really delusional.

desperately want to be excited but my overwhelming feeling is anxiety because I'm scared of what people are going to say and think.

I would say though, if you are old enough to have 4 children already, then peoples thoughts about number 5 shouldnt bother you

do we seriously think cO2 emissions would be reduced if everyone had no more than 2 children?

Did you seriously just write that?

Id also assume you were absolutely loaded. quick google reckons it costs 100-155k to raise a child to 18 in the uk depending on childcare, so say nearly 800k for your 5, excluding any help for buying a car or house deposit, holidays etc

I’m sure you are doing everything in your power - you’re vegan and have no car and don’t fly anywhere and have no pets and are plastic free in the home etc

I wish I was patient enough to be able to deal with that many kids!

But tbh I don't think big families are a good thing when the planet is overpopulated and the environment is going to fuck.