Does anyone's dp not cook at all?!

[milkey]

Dp never ever cooks. At. All.

I hate cooking. I hate having the headache of planning what to cook every single day.

It drives me mad! And I will be teaching my ds how to cook as I don't want him being like this with his dp!

I envy all these mumsnetters who share the cooking. Most of my friends dps don't cook either! Where have you all found these men?!

Mine can do spag bol sauce, but that's about it where dinners are concerned. If we do lasagne, I have to do the cheese sauce part as he hasn't a clue and gets all freaked out when it goes lumpy.

He used to be quite good when we first got married in 1980, but his repertoire of dishes has just diminished over the years, to where we are now - spag bol.

He had the cheek last year to say... 'we don't eat many varied meals, how about a new year resolution to increase the variety?' Since then he's learned how to make as much chaos as possible whilst doing stuffed mushrooms. That's it. Me? I've now got about 20 dishes perfected.

I very rarely cook. Dh enjoys it he says and does all the food shopping too.
I do all the laundry in exchange.

My exH couldn't cook, allegedly... couldn't even put a pizza in the oven. I cooked and meal planned (and food shopped and washed up....)100% of our meals for years, including after having CS and a tiny baby and when working 60-70 hour weeks. Apparently he 'lacked confidence' to even try...

My DP loves cooking and is very capable, probably cooks about 75% of our meals and it feels amazing by comparison. Unsurprisingly the division of all labour is far fairer this time around.

Some how my exH has managed to sustain himself and stay alive since we broke up, guess he figured out how to turn the oven on after all.

My Dh doesn't cook, but is 'responsible' for feeding the family once a week, so the kids grew up with chicken nuggets and smiley faces once a week, while he did us a ready meal.

Under lockdown with the kids (now young adults) at home they are each responsible for cooking a family meal once a week and they are both good cooks.

Dh does the dishes, bins, gardening, DIY, etc. Very traditional, but it works for us.

I hate cooking and I dislike the obsession with it. It's perfectly possible to eat without standing in the kitchen peeling and chopping for ages.

In the unlikely event that I ever find someone to live with, I will negotiate other tasks in return for not having to cook. I would also stipulate that we don't have to eat the same thing for every meal.

"surely if you're in a partnership and your OH has no interest in cooking but does everything else that's a fair division of labour?"

I have friends who do this. He cooks every day and she's responsible for the cleaning and all other housework. To be honest, I think she's got the best side of the deal - cooking is every day (more now in lockdown) and cleaning for a couple without children is a weekend job only.

Dp doesn't do "proper" cooking so if we want a meal that's more interesting than sausages, pasta/pesto etc I do it. He's just not interested and doesn't particularly care what he eats (although is super appreciative of anything I serve). I do care and do enjoy cooking and am a little control freakish so it works out.

However, DH more than pulls his weight - he does breakfasts most of the time, including things like pancakes and is perfectly capable of pulling lunch together for the kids in the form of simple basic stuff. He's also learnt to make spaghetti bolognaise (not as well as me though!). So if I don't feel like cooking he's more than capable of preparing a meal for him and the kids and has never once had an issue if I don't feel like it. And unlike a lot of men who don't routinely cook he is also perfectly able to put things in the oven, and cook some veg/potatoes/rice etc alongside.

He also more than does his fair share elsewhere and on a daily basis so I'm not complaining at all. eg during lockdown he's not working so has obviously been looking after the kids but he's also done 90% of the cleaning and in the last two weeks 100% of the laundry on top of his usual daily management of bins, garden, DIY etc.

I think with anyone who doesn't "do" a particular chore, it really depends on their reaction if it's not done for them. I don't "do" vacuuming. I hate it. And Dh doesn't want to get a robot vacuum. So he does it. But he'd have to leave it for a very long time before I'd complain and even if he did, I'd more likely just do it myself through gritted teeth. it's the same with cooking for us.

Mine doesn't, in fact my dc would rather not have lunch than have him do her beans on toast. I like cooking though and I'd rather cook than clean, which is what he does.

Again, isn't it amazing that men seem to be responsible for the things that happen infrequently and women for the things that needs doing daily

As I've said (in common with other posters here) DH does ALL the other household chores - cleaning, laundry, most of the shopping, washing up etc. So yes, all the stuff that needs doing daily. I cook one meal a day, that's it. An hour tops in the kitchen every evening, except for one day a week when we order in. I feel that's more than fair.

@Gwenhwyfar washing up, vacuuming etc needs doing daily, even if there's just the two of you.

quim a quick browse of the relationship boards tell a different story about this being a common situation.

Tbh if I were your husband I'd be pretty pissed at the unequal division of labour....but that's because I don't think it's fair for one person to take on the the vast majority of household chores.

Oh and vacuuming is not a once a day job! Bloody hell I'm amazed at how much time people have!

I come from a family where my parents shared the cooking and I can't imagine being with someone who doesn't take an equal load. We take it in turns to cook most of the time.

I do more of the meal planning though which can be a tiny bit frustrating.

vacuuming etc needs doing daily, even if there's just the two of you.

Not in our house it doesn't and there's four of us and a dog.

Yes, but I'm a kitchen control freak and can't deal with seeing others prepping dinner anything other than my way. I let him make sandwiches or cook as long as I'm not around. Exh never even tried to cook so I'm used to it

My DH couldn't cook when I met him. He learnt, it was a condition of living together. In his defence we were in our teens when we got together. He moved out of his mum's and in with housemates, one of them taught him a few things, and I taught him a few things. He got what we refer to as 'the patronising cookbook' and widened his reportoire. I enjoy cooking, but I also enjoy being cooked for! Eating isn't a gendered activity, why should cooking be?

I don’t think car maintenance counts for anything as the garage sends a text when the cars are due servicing.

Maybe in your house. We have several cars, all maintained by DH, one of which is 65 years old with three month service intervals.

In normal times my dh cooks at least 50% of the time in our house (currently furloughed me is doing the bulk as I'm at home all day while he's working)
it depends who's on a day off really. We can both work until after 10pm so not much call for proper meals on those days. He does however prep me salads etc.. for work.
He's also competent at housework, washing, gardening. Will give DIY a good go although it's not his finest capability.
I've not really encountered any totally inept males in my own relationships. Pretty much all exes have not just expected me to do the 'woman shit' Many were dickheads in their own right but could/would cook meals.
All of my now adult ds's were taught young and could confidently use ovens and hobs to make themselves and each other food.
I can see some posters dp's/dh's balance their no cooking with doing other stuff and that's fine but those that do jack shit I couldn't be with. It's not a partnership nor team - it's an extra child.

@SueEllenMishke as I said upthread, I'm disabled. He does the majority of the 'active' stuff because I find it hard to do so, some days more than others. He's not pissed off at all - before I became ill, I did far more. That's marriage.

Also, he likes the main rooms at least to be vacuumed daily. We have two cats who shed fur everywhere which doesn't help. He prefers it done daily, so he chooses to do so. When I did it, it got done twice a week if it was lucky

It's one thing is a partner is entirely capable of doing something when needed but you divide the chores between you in a way that plays to your strengths or enthusiasms. But choosing to be incapable, or encouraging one's partner to be incapable, seems entirely wrong to me.

Several posters on hear have spoken about relatives who, on bereavement, are totally lost and unable to care for themselves. And it's a theme on MN to talk about how men instantly look for another relationship where bereavement, because they're used to someone else looking after their needs.

God forbid that any of the women who indulge their partner's uselessness in the kitchen, were to die while their kids are young.

I remember going on a residential course forty years ago, and sitting with a bunch of women a bit older than me at dinnertime. They were all talking about the preparations they'd had to do before leaving their husbands alone for two nights. Making meals for them, making sure their work clothes were ironed etc. I was in my early twenties and newly married, and simply horrified at these professional women's attitudes to their hopeless husbands.
I assumed that much has changed over the last four decades, but apparently not.

Fair enough quim I apologise.i didn't see your earlier post.

A man who can't cook is immediately ruled out for me. My 1920s born working class, left school at 14, immigrant parents war veteran Dad could cook. I grew up being cooked for by both parents. I couldn't imagine being with a partner who couldn't cook. And I'm not.

Mine doesn't cook or clean, I don't think I'd dare eat something he made!

My parents both worked full time as did DH’s and in both families both parents shared house related responsibilities such as cooking. DH and I have done the same although everyone eats better when DH cooks. As an adult and parent I’d be embarrassed if I couldn’t cook properly for my family. The same should apply for men and women. Why is it that in the majority of cases, it’s the man who can’t it won’t cook. I’m assuming if they can read, hold down a job and physical able, they can cook.

We have been married for four decades. There is a great assumption that we all have to think the same and be the same. We don’t. How people live their lives is usually negotiated by them as a couple. That’s ok if it’s agreed and everyone is happy. Why we have to be told that we are wrong not to force DHs to cook is beyond me. I am not wrong! I’m ok with how we live. If you don’t like it, that’s too bad really but concentrate on your own life!

My ex was unable to cook.
He got the washing up to do instead.
But it was definitely one of the things (there was a long list) of the things that made him mean and unattractive to me.

I when I finished it with him it was so nice to enjoy the food I cooked without begrudging all the effort of thinking of meal ideas/shopping & cooking which definitely was a lot more work that just washing up.

Horses for courses though, it's just something that I personally find attractive in a person, the ability to cook & enjoy good food.