Does anyone's dp not cook at all?!

[milkey]

Dp never ever cooks. At. All.

I hate cooking. I hate having the headache of planning what to cook every single day.

It drives me mad! And I will be teaching my ds how to cook as I don't want him being like this with his dp!

I envy all these mumsnetters who share the cooking. Most of my friends dps don't cook either! Where have you all found these men?!

DH thinks he's Heston Blumenthal in the kitchen. He just puts shit together that doesn't belong together and it ends up inedible.
He can't just cook a spag bol without chucking in curry powder and five spice plus a tin of beans and a dollop of Coleman's. I've turn into my Czech grandmother. She banished everyone from her kitchen when she cooked. DH has been banned.
He can cook a mean breakfast though. He has permission to use the hob for that.

Christ. These men dont cook because we let them behave like this.

I'd have dumped him the second I realised he held such sexist, outdated, selfish, misogynistic views.

If we all did this, eventually they'd learn, or starve, either way.

My exH was a selfish lazy twunt and in his words, didn't cook because I liked to cook. The reality was I liked to eat food that wasn't just a microwaved ready meal which was the only thing he was prepared to 'cook'

Current DH is a king of a man. He is a great cook, can be completely trusted with the shopping, cleans, does 60% of childcare and can do anything in the house and garden. I am very lucky.

How people live their lives is usually negotiated by them as a couple. That’s ok if it’s agreed and everyone is happy.
But some ways are better role modelling for kids...

I think a happy relationship where a couple work together is a great role model for children. It doesn't have to be 50:50.

Treacletoots Actually mine doesn’t cook because I dislike clearing gutters, taking wheelie bins out, baiting rat boxes, ironing, bringing logs in, cleaning cars and a thousand other jobs that he does. I don’t like getting up very early to run the dog nor de-icing cars or paths in winter.

A bit sexist to assume it’s the men choosing not to cook rather than the woman choosing to cook instead of doing other, less pleasant jobs.

I agree with a pp that there's a difference between preparing food and cooking from scratch. My dh can prepare food but if we weren't together, he wouldn't suddenly start cooking elaborate meals. The reason he doesn't cook is because he doesn't want to rather than because he has me to do it.

I'm a sahm of older dc so I think it's fair I do cleaning/cooking etc. If I worked full time I'd expect a fairer division of labour but I'd probably still do most of the cooking because I'm just better at it.

Apart from rat bait, my DH does what yours does Cherry!

I actually refute that patents have to be role models too. My DH doesn’t cook but my DDs do expect boyfriends to cook. It’s partly generational but they have noticed their dad is no cook.

However I know a few men who cook but are useless at diy and do nothing else. That can be an expensive way to live. We call in contractors for jobs that are dangerous for diy or need garden machinery we don’t own (chain saw for example) but DH does virtually everything else. It does actually worry me at times how I would cope with our house and Land without him! I do believe he can cook if he wanted to. I guess I’d have to learn a lot of diy skills - but I’d rather not!

Yeah DH can cook (proper cook) but is useless at DIY. Luckily my dad does all that for us.

"If we all did this, eventually they'd learn, or starve, either way."

I don't have anyone to cook for me Treacle and I''ve reached my 40s without having to cook from scratch. Not having someone else to cook for you obviously doesn't mean you have to learn or starve.
(I can cook a couple of basic things, but I prefer not to).

If we all did this, eventually they'd learn, or starve, either way

This isn't true. Dh survived for nearly two decades living alone. If I wasnt around he wouldn't learn to cook amazing food.

However I know a few men who cook but are useless at diy

I couldn't bear to be with a man like that.

Our washing machine broke down at the start of lockdown....dh took it apart and fixed it. I've never loved him more

Lots of people would have to put up with no machine in that circumstance. However cooking would carry on! Until the oven went wrong of course!

BubblesBuddy Just to be clear we’re not in a rat infested hovel.... live rurally next to country graveyard and I have a strong dislike of rodents in any form. He has to ensure house remains a rodent free area by baiting the perimeter and under all outbuildings.

Now I think about it, he also has to ensure the internal sonic deterrents are working, clears all fallen fruit, checks climbing plants don’t give mice access via eaves and checks all loft areas fortnightly etc.

It's not though is it? You have to be able to prepare food, but you don't HAVE to cook from scratch.

This is 100% true and reflects in a few words what I was trying to say before.

DH can prepare food. If I disappeared to hospital for 2 weeks the kids would not starve and they'd get sufficient fruit and vegetables. But their food would be more boring, there's be less variety and they'd probably eat a lot more food that is at least partially pre-prepared.

If, when we're old, I die first. DH will survive but he go back to eating like he did when I met him - eg a meal of boiled eggs, steamed veg and rice. He loves good food but honestly would be just fine surviving on basics with no problem.

Never understood the “don’t cook” people what the flip do you eat?! How do you stay alive?

"Never understood the “don’t cook” people what the flip do you eat?! How do you stay alive?"

You can't really be this stupid?
Here are some options for you that don't even include eating out or takeaways:

• sandwich, toast, all sorts based on bread
• salad, including pre-prepared ones
• soups from a tin or a packet
• healthy food for microwave - pouches of veg or put your own veg in steam bag
• any kind of food from a tin or a packet, not all are unhealthy
• omelette, fried egg, boiled egg (presuming basic cooking is allowed), an egg can even be 'cooked' in a microwave in 1 minute
• ready meals - not all are unhealthy
• jacket potato in the microwave
• yogurt
• cheese on all sorts of things
• strawberries & cream, can't think of any fruit that needs cooking
• salmon already in a pouch put in the oven
• microwaveable healthy food like the Innocent pots

I do actually cook from time to time (veg stew type thing), but then do a few portions so I don't have to cook every day. I couldn't face chopping and peeling every day.

If you can read you can cook.

Not true, my boyfriend can read, I make him read to me while I have a bath (a spot of bother is our current book). So, he can read, but he cannot cook. He can microwave and reheat (as long as things aren’t heavy), but he can’t cook unless someone else does the majority of the cooking and food prep bit for him. I watched him try to spread peanut butter on bread earlier, I nearly exploded.

Never understood the “don’t cook” people what the flip do you eat?! How do you stay alive

We eat out ...a lot.

Really suffering with this lockdown

I would rather clear out gutters (which I do as well as the other jobs although I have never had rats to bait) than cook a meal.
It sounds so easy to cook but it is so stressful and it always ends up going wrong

CherryPavlova: I didn’t think anything of the fact rats might be about. We see them around where people keep chickens. They go together! Even in the poshest gardens!

Our gutters are rather high in places and not sure DH would be safe doing the cleaning job. DH has just finished sanding and refurbishing the teak outdoor furniture! Teak oil on its way so that’s the next job. Pool clean complete and two wasps nests removed! I’m preparing bbq fish for dinner.

Isn’t Gwen’s list student meals? Not cooking really but something everyone could do to stay alive.

Gwenhwyfar is not unique. I know a fair few women who don't cook. They have husbands/housekeepers/nannies who do the cooking.

One very successful female fund manager never learned how to cook growing up as she had a successful single mum as a role model who did not cook and they had housekeepers who did. She did admit that she thought the whole point of doing well in school and getting a very well paid job was to be able to hire people to do these jobs.

Another female banker friend jokes that she does not even know how to turn on her oven. Her husband is a great cook and she has Deliveroo on speed dial.

None of the women I know who don't cook have suffered by their lack of culinary ability.

"Gwenhwyfar is not unique. I know a fair few women who don't cook. They have husbands/housekeepers/nannies who do the cooking."

Ha! I don't have anyone who cooks for me.
I learnt to prepare food for myself relatively young, but I sort of never progressed to more elaborate meals.
I can see that it's a useful skill to have, but hardly basic survival otherwise I'd have been dead a long time ago!

Before he met me DH lived on sausage rolls, chippy chips, pies bought hot, beans on toast -- and apples.

His mother was Queen of the Vesta, the chippy and Fray Bentos. Even in the OO's chilli came from an M&S can with boil in the bag rice. So not much of an example. DH's recollection of a roast is dry meat, bisto gravy, boiled veg and boiled potatoes.

@gwenhywfar - I'd enjoy a lot of that and ate similar when I was single. However when I had debilitating influenza when ds was 2, dh couldn't take time off work so hired an agency nanny for the week who fed ds and left food ready for dh.

She agreed to come on the basis that if she got it, we'd pay a weeks' sick pay.

If no one is around I live off cheese and tomato sandwiches and protein shakes.