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Original poster

Does anyone's dp not cook at all?!

278 replies

milkey · 07/05/2020 17:15

Dp never ever cooks. At. All.

I hate cooking. I hate having the headache of planning what to cook every single day.

It drives me mad! And I will be teaching my ds how to cook as I don't want him being like this with his dp!

I envy all these mumsnetters who share the cooking. Most of my friends dps don't cook either! Where have you all found these men?!

OP posts:
blettedmedlar · 08/05/2020 11:15

My husband is a good cook - I wouldn't have it any other way. My father was too, and enjoyed cooking for us. FIL however could literally not boil an egg, as we discovered when MIL was out of action after illness. I was not impressed when he expected me to cook for him, especially as he was a very fussy eater. He was told to either learn to cook or stock up on M&S ready meals!

madcatladyforever · 08/05/2020 11:18

My ex H didn't do anything at all, in the end I told him I was fed up with being a servant, working full time, being the breadwinner and then coming home to start work again!
I told him the cooking was his remit from now on and he had to learn quick.
So what he did was cook lovely meals for himself, there was nothing for me when I came home from work.
It beggars belief.

PhoneLock · 08/05/2020 11:18

Mine came straight from home to me, his parents cooked all his meals.

Somebody earlier asked where people found DHs that could cook and I was going to suggest by avoiding ones coming straight from home. I hadn't factored in the take-away/boil-in-the-bag option though.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General food
SueEllenMishke · 08/05/2020 11:24

Urgh I used to have a man child who couldn't ( wouldn't) cook because mummy had always done it for him.
So pleased I now live with a fully functioning adult.

ladyhummingbee · 08/05/2020 11:39

Nah dh doesn't cook unless forced (by me) and then very basic. Last time he ventured into not basic, he make the best risotto I have ever had... and we got soo sick from it Grin.

Normally i cook and he cleans up the kitchen afterwards. If he didn't, I would stop cooking Wink.

QuimJongUn · 08/05/2020 11:48

I think the takeaway (no pun intended) from this thread is that some OHs cook, some don't. Some people mind this, some don't.

Calling someone a man child because they don't cook isn't always fair though. If they are incapable (due to laziness) in other ways, fair enough. But a man who works hard, is a good father/role model, does all the other household chores, is loving and kind etc isn't a 'man child' because he has no interest in cooking.

SueEllenMishke · 08/05/2020 11:52

Isn't it funny how so many more men than women aren't interested in cooking though........

Settlersofcatan · 08/05/2020 11:54

isn't a 'man child' because he has no interest in cooking

But it's a basic part of life. Women don't get to opt out through having no interest.

I am not wildly interested in changing my baby's nappy and neither is my DH, should we just not bother?

WorraLiberty · 08/05/2020 12:02

Yes, since when do you have to be 'interested' in something in order to do your fair share of it?

Drivingdownthe101 · 08/05/2020 12:05

To be honest I don’t enjoy cooking and have no interest in it so generally opt out. DH does enjoy it and spends a large part of his spare time watching cooking programmes, so he’s happy to do it. If he can’t be arsed on a particular evening, I do it. I imagine he does 95% though.

Minimoosher · 08/05/2020 12:07

Mine has never cooked, I do all the meals.

However he deals with the children and is way better with them than me.

He also does 80% of the household chores. So I have no complaints.

QuimJongUn · 08/05/2020 12:10

Plenty of my female friends don't cook and have no interest in it, and therefore 'opt out'. Some are single, some aren't. Obviously women who are single parents have no choice but to cook, but surely if you're in a partnership and your OH has no interest in cooking but does everything else that's a fair division of labour? I have absolutely no interest in cleaning behind the washing machine or scrubbing the wheelie bin which is just as well, because DH does it. Every time. He does his fare share, I do mine. Actually he probably does more than me.

Every household is different. Doesn't mean the way they do things is wrong.

Notso · 08/05/2020 12:13

I really can't get worked up about DH rarely cooking. The fact he's hardly ever here to do it is a big part of it.
I don't really feel we both need to do everything 50:50 to make things fair or be good role models.
We're not flat mates we're a married couple. I do stuff he doesn't, he does stuff I don't do. We're both happy with how things run and if we're not things change.

saraclara · 08/05/2020 12:14

I'm astonished that there are still women who prepare and freeze meals for the men in their life if they have to go away.

Have any of you ever thought how your partners would cope if anything happened to you? Do your partners really enjoy being totally incompetent at something so fundamental to staying alive?

Or is it that you need them to be dependent on you?

My late husband was perfectly able and willing to cook, and I made sure I was capable of basic DIY and car stuff. It's called being a capable adult.

saraclara · 08/05/2020 12:18

My DH has been a role model in other ways. Being successful in business. Working hard. Providing for his family. Coming from a family where no one went to university to being the first to go. Not relying on family money to get to where you want to be. There’s more to being a dad than cooking. He’s shared hobbies with them. Taught them all sorts of worthwhile things. It’s not worth dying on the hill of cooking if DH is decent in other ways.

It's possible to be all those things, and still know how to cook @BubblesBuddy. My husband managed it and so does pretty much every professional woman.

Lowprofilename · 08/05/2020 12:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

PhoneLock · 08/05/2020 12:24

Yes, since when do you have to be 'interested' in something in order to do your fair share of it?

I've got to admit that I don't do my fair share of the car maintenance. I could do it, I'm an engineer, I just have no interest in it.

QuimJongUn · 08/05/2020 12:25

I'm astonished that there are still women who prepare and freeze meals for the men in their life if they have to go away

I'd never do this. He could chuck a pizza in the oven or order in.

Not that we've ever had so much as a night apart in 19 years, which I'm sure someone will be along to tell me is also unhealthy!

Drivingdownthe101 · 08/05/2020 12:27

DH works away a night or two a week and he generally makes sure there’s something in the freezer for me to chuck in the oven. Mainly because he knows that after all 3DC are in bed I won’t be bothered to cook for myself!

DappledThings · 08/05/2020 12:28

I'm astonished that there are still women who prepare and freeze meals for the men in their life if they have to go away

Dh sometimes does this for me Blush.

It's not that I can't cook or I'm not prepared to if necessary but he knows how much I hate thinking about it and deciding what to eat so he plans the whole week and if he's going to be out he might well prepare something I can get out of the freezer.

I do do some cooking, I'm about to put my phone down and start on a lasagna for tonight, but in general I find meal planning and deciding really tedious whereas he really enjoys it.

WorraLiberty · 08/05/2020 12:30

I've got to admit that I don't do my fair share of the car maintenance. I could do it, I'm an engineer, I just have no interest in it.

Cars don't need to be maintained every single day though, do they?

They can be a pain in the arse, but they're not daily 'drudge work'.

Parker231 · 08/05/2020 12:34

I don’t think car maintenance counts for anything as the garage sends a text when the cars are due servicing.

SueEllenMishke · 08/05/2020 12:37

Again, isn't it amazing that men seem to be responsible for the things that happen infrequently and women for the things that needs doing daily ( and sometimes multiple times a day) 🤷

KatharinaRosalie · 08/05/2020 12:39

Nothing most men traditionally do at home is a daily drudge work. 'He does not cook or clean or tidy or do laundry or any admin, but it's all fair, because 10 years ago he put an IKEA shelf together, I'm so lucky!'

purpleleotard · 08/05/2020 12:41

My partner doesn't cook now.
But I am the carer so understandable.