Does anyone's dp not cook at all?!

[milkey]

Dp never ever cooks. At. All.

I hate cooking. I hate having the headache of planning what to cook every single day.

It drives me mad! And I will be teaching my ds how to cook as I don't want him being like this with his dp!

I envy all these mumsnetters who share the cooking. Most of my friends dps don't cook either! Where have you all found these men?!

It’s a ridiculous comparison. Many people don’t know how to do car maintenance, me included. I take it to a garage. I could never afford nor would it be healthy to eat readymade, be it restaurant, take away or supermarket ready meals every single night. It might be comparable if you needed to change the oil and tune engine every night as basic car ownership.

How did the can’t cook/won’t cook survive before they got married?

Mine doesn't, unless you count bacon on toast?

However, he is an excellent post meal cleaner upper and I haven't picked up an iron in years because he does all the ironing and I'd rather cook than iron.

I can't do diy or car maintenance...if my dh had handed me a screwdriver and a manual on fixing stuff and told me I needed to learn, I'd have told him to fuck off quite honestly.

If you're able bodied then yes you can. There are literally thousands of step-by-step guides on the internet.

You're choosing not to and that's fine. Your DH decided it wasn't a deal breaker and that's also fine.

However, if you have children who need to be fed healthily (not sure if you do), then as a parent he should be perfectly capable of doing this if for example you needed to go to hospital. Or even if you just wanted a break from cooking.

He won't be doing DIY and car maintenance every single day, unlike the drudgery of cooking.

My ex was a fantastic cook. He was also an abusive bully and I ended up in a refuge.

DH can't cook but he's kind, loving, gentle, loyal, works hard in an admirable nonprofit role, is artistic, a fantastic father and my absolute best friend.

Yes it'd be nice to have a meal cooked from scratch for me but you know what? I don't really care. I'm disabled and he does all the house work on top of a 50 hour week at work. I've got absolutely no reason to complain. I've never felt like I'm 'settling' or that he's useless because he has no interest in cooking.

Yes not every day but he’s worked hard long hours for the money and his business. I don’t cook every day and we eat out quite a lot but people work our what they are best at. He’s best at working and earning lots of money which takes time. In some households it’s the woman who does this. What does it matter as long as you pull together?

How did the can’t cook/won’t cook survive before they got married?

Mine came straight from home to me, his parents cooked all his meals. His dad is a brilliant chef! DH just never had any interest.

However, if you have children who need to be fed healthily (not sure if you do), then as a parent he should be perfectly capable of doing this if for example you needed to go to hospital

Yes of course he could cook them a meal if he had to...it probably wouldn't be hugely exciting. He can boil things and chuck food in the oven but you won't find him faffing about with garlic and ginger and wondering if parsley or coriander would be nicer!

And I just live the way women attack other women for their life styles! So supportive!

All these people whose husbands/partners can't cook or you had to train to cook. How did they stay alive before they met you?

His housemate cooked or he relied on preprepared food that can be microwaved/doesn’t have to go in a heavy dish.

Despite (or maybe because of) XH and XP not cooking, all my kids have turned out to be wonderful cooks! One DD has no real interest in cooking but she can turn out meals (she works very long hours and eats mostly ready-made), the other four are good bakers, meal prep and cooks, and my two DSs really enjoy cooking - we have long conversations at present about food and cooking and experimenting in the kitchen!

So DH not cooking doesn't always equal DC that can't/won't cook.

We must move in very different circles all the men of our generation 40 somethings cook if we go to someone’s for dinner it’s usually the man that’s cooked. Oddly none of the men I know in our parents generation cook at all so anecdotally there’s been a real shift.

Remember FIL asking dh in horror “how dis you learn to do that then?” as he made a curry. Too annoying

Mine.

The limit to his cooking ability is pressing buttons. He sees no issue with this, and has happily lived for chunks of his life self sufficiently (ie, did not have girlfriends around to cook for him) living off microwave meals, takeaways, and restaurants. and sees nothing wrong with this way of living. He grew up with a domineering mother who refused to allow him near the kitchen and was not a great cook plus was at boarding school then lived at university halls so never acquired cookery skills. When he was working, it was in NYC at firms with generous food takeaway allowances, long hours and loads of travel, and in a culture where it was rare to cook at home, then he met me.

I am an avid cook who loves to cook and makes most things from scratch including breads and pasta. Is it annoying? Slightly, but if I did not feel like cooking we would just go out or order something in.

I am bringing up my sons differently and they already are better in the kitchen than he is. Because I am a curious cook with a wide repertoire and a genuine interest in the science behind why foods are cooked the way they are, I am trying to pass on the fun of cooking and also the interesting science of it. Unfortunately, modern society allows easily for people like my husband - I don't think it is a sexist thing on his part as I know women with the same attitude as he has and his attitude has never been that it is the responsibility of the woman in the relationship to do the cooking.

(Pressed send too soon)...He just has the attitude of why bother to cook with all of the pre and post mess if one can order in or have it purchased already done for you.

He just has the attitude of why bother to cook with all of the pre and post mess if one can order in or have it purchased already done for you.

Because he chose to be a responsible parent and therefore a role model?

DP can technically cook but can't follow a recipe. This would be ok if he knew what he was doing but he has no clue...! Food for him is entirely functional, he won't put in any effort to make sure it tastes / looks nice.

So I do all of the meal planning, cooking and shopping. I wish I could say he was great at cleaning, laundry or DIY but he's not. I often tell him that I only keep him for decorative purposes

DH pretty much never cooks, but he can cook (very boring stuff) and would if I asked him to. He regularly offers.

I’m the much better cook of the two of us and I don’t really mind cooking. And I’m much better at ensuring everyone gets a varied, interesting and balanced diet than he is.

I dislike cleaning up the kitchen afterwards - but DH is generally happy to do that. And he tends to do lots of the other bits of housework that I’d rather not do.

I think that, so long as you’re both contributing and you’re happy with the division of Labour, it’s fine.

My ex (who is a dick) couldn’t cook. And had no inclination to try. He’s had to learn since we split up. He was much more demanding about meals and would sometimes say things like, ‘we should never get takeaway/go to restaurants because your food is always better’. He just couldn’t see that the advantage there wasn’t in the food but in me not having to do anything. His mom tried to explain it to him several times and was really irritated that he just refused to see how much work he expected me to do.

My DH has been a role model in other ways. Being successful in business. Working hard. Providing for his family. Coming from a family where no one went to university to being the first to go. Not relying on family money to get to where you want to be. There’s more to being a dad than cooking. He’s shared hobbies with them. Taught them all sorts of worthwhile things. It’s not worth dying on the hill of cooking if DH is decent in other ways.

Just to add: if you both work long hours in demanding jobs then housework and cooking does need to be shared.

@MsTSwift I’m not surprised that you see men disproportionately doing the dinner party cooking.

It’s remarkably common for men to do all the ‘performance cooking’. That is, the stuff that gets you attention and praise from other people. While women disproportionately do the mundane, and largely invisible outside the family, feeding the kids every single day type of cooking.

Strange to think that being good at cooking = responsible parent.

I mean if you let your children starve to death that would be irresponsible parenting...

If I died, my dh wouldn't let our dc starve...I mean he wouldn't make them curry from scratch or homemade brownies or freshly baked bread...but they'd eat three meals a day, he'd cope! Just as if he died, I'd manage to get the car to a mechanic if it needed fixing...I mean I'd probably be overcharged because I know sod all but I'd manage.

I never cook. I can't cook. I hate cooking. I am unwilling to cook. DH does it all. Having poisoned DS years ago we all think it's a sensible thing.

@WorraLiberty, I am not agreeing with my DH, just explaining his attitude. I also agree with Bubbles that he feels that he has been a role model in other ways.

My mother and father did not teach me how to cook - in fact my mother got married never having stepped foot into a kitchen (she never had to take off her own shoes either, but that is another story). Were her parents and was she negligent and a bad parent?

I think that cooking is a life skill also, but I also think that today's society is changing and perhaps cooking will be a skill as necessary as ironing or sewing in the future. Is is not unusual to rent apartments in NYC without kitchens because people just don't cook anymore. `Maybe this has been dialled back due to cornovirus, but I am not optimistic about this.

Worraliberty totally agree about all the "fair division of jobs" whereby chucking some water over the car once a month is an exact and fair equivalent time and labour wise as planning, shopping, preparing, cooking and cleaning up after three meals every day.

my personal favourite is "He sorts all the bills out"
translation : "He set up some direct debits about three years ago"

Mine doesn't. Or he used to a bit but showed absolutely no interest in food or cooking so made either horrible or very boring meals. I couldn't stand it. So now I do all the cooking I prefer it that way.