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Original poster

Does anyone's dp not cook at all?!

278 replies

milkey · 07/05/2020 17:15

Dp never ever cooks. At. All.

I hate cooking. I hate having the headache of planning what to cook every single day.

It drives me mad! And I will be teaching my ds how to cook as I don't want him being like this with his dp!

I envy all these mumsnetters who share the cooking. Most of my friends dps don't cook either! Where have you all found these men?!

OP posts:
NorthernLass75 · 07/05/2020 17:44

There’s no way I would have married my husband if he hadn’t been able to cook, or generally do his fair share of household tasks.

I grew up on a house where my father “couldn’t cook”. If my mum every went anywhere, even just for an afternoon, she’d have to arrange food for him in her absence. If she couldn’t, it fell to the daughters (never the sons) to take responsibility for feeding him (and the sons!).

He would literally appear at mealtimes, sit down, wait for his meal to be placed in front of him, eat, stand up, and walk away leaving his empty plate behind him.

A few years ago, suddenly without mum there to cook for him, we all worried about him starving to death. The man didn’t miss a meal. Turns out he was well able to cook simple dishes, but didn’t because... well, why would you be arsed when you had a wife to do all of that for you for over 50 years?

Dad isn’t a lazy man, he just always saw cooking as wife work. And mum was always a martyr for wife work.

SwedishK · 07/05/2020 17:50

My Dh doesn't cook at all and mostly I prefer that way. I want to decide what I want to eat and I'm quite particular with my food whereas he will eat anything. I can also only eat healthy food as anything deep-fried or overly greasy doesn't agree with me. I also don't eat meat but he does sometimes.

I have taught our kids to cook and bake though as they are very likely to, at some point, live by themselves and not have heaps of money to spend on takeaways.

doubleshotespresso · 07/05/2020 17:51

Same here OP my five year old has cooked more for me than her Dad has in 12 years

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getdownonit · 07/05/2020 17:53

Mine will cook if I tell him what to cook, how to cook it, have all the ingredients to hand and then he'll crow about it all through dinner Grin

Not worth it....

DustyMaiden · 07/05/2020 17:53

After 32 years together DH started cooking when he was furloughed. I told him we would see what it was like to retired and if I didn’t like it I would be off.

YesILikeItToo · 07/05/2020 17:54

Mine will at least have ideas, and that’s not to be sneezed at. At least part of the work is mentally committing to making something you hope everyone will eat.

RUOKHon · 07/05/2020 17:55

DH does cook, but he’s not very good at it. He always gets creative and ‘experiments’ and ends up making something that the kids won’t touch and I know I could have made better myself.

I do all the cooking because I’m really good at it. But I actually hate it. I wish DH was a better cook. It’s not one of his natural talents and I haven’t got the patience or stomach to wait for him to learn.

glitterbiscuits · 07/05/2020 17:58

Mine.

He hates it. He can do oven chips, pizza and pasta

It's irritating to watch him cook so I'd rather cook myself than go,to,prison for murder

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2020 17:59

It drives me mad! And I will be teaching my ds how to cook as I don't want him being like this with his dp!

But he's still have a shit example in his father, whether he learns to cook or not.

Quite honestly if my DH 'never cooked', I certainly wouldn't be doing it for him.

That would be a much better example to your DS, to teach him not to take people for granted and walk over them.

Originalsaltedpeanuts · 07/05/2020 17:59

If I had my time again I would try to find a partner who enjoys cooking. I hate it (mostly) but want the family to eat healthy food. My dh is not often at home in the evenings and so I have to cook 80% - 90% of the time. It is the worst thing about our relationship.

ClashCityRocker · 07/05/2020 18:00

Mine will help with meal prep, and occasionally finds a recipe and has a stab...

But he's just not that good at it.

He can do some failsafe slow cooker recipes, but anything that requires an awareness of timing, forget it.

But I enjoy cooking so don't mind - and he does do the washing up (no dishwasher).

Also, he acknowledges the fact that I do the bulk of the cooking and appreciates it.

And if he senses I'm getting sick of it, he's very adept at ordering a takeaway.

formerbabe · 07/05/2020 18:00

My dh doesn't cook. I'm a sahm to school age dc and he works so I think it's fair enough. If I don't make him a meal for some reason, he will make himself a sandwich or chuck a frozen pizza in the oven. He can shove stuff in the oven and boil some peas for the kids if I'm not there to make them food, but it's rare.

He has no interest in cooking whereas I'm a bit obsessed.

Tighnabruaich · 07/05/2020 18:04

My DH does all the cooking. I might occasionally make tea and toast for breakfast, but he does dinner every night. I do all the washing up. It works for us.

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 07/05/2020 18:04

I never cook. Dp does all of it. I have tried but as a chef he isn't great in just letting me do things my way. So I stopped even trying. I did do dinner the other week but my children have become such food snobs they ate it but clearly didn't enjoy it. Chicken too dry and not seasoned quite right. (They are 12, 6 and 4) the younger 2 were the biggest critics. When my 4 year old said 'Its not that bad mummy, don't worry' I threw in the towel.
DP will get his bacon sandwiches when I do them and that is it!

Drivingdownthe101 · 07/05/2020 18:05

Yes, DH’s DP doesn’t cook at all.

wowfudge · 07/05/2020 18:06

We would live on ready meals and pizzas if DP did the cooking. And frankly I want better food and more variety. He has no interest in cooking and has always worked long hours and is often away, well apart from during lockdown. He also cannot see why you would cook something yourself when you can buy it for £x in a shop with no effort. I like cooking but it can be a pain having to plan everything and being responsible for cooking meals every night. On the plus side, I cook what I want and get him tinned soup, etc for his lunches because I'm not rustling them up too. He does the vast majority of DIY and all gardening stuff that requires no artistic flair. He's great at financial planning and getting the best deals on things.

Oliversmumsarmy · 07/05/2020 18:08

I don’t cook.

Or rather I can cook ready meals and chop veg up but after that we are in pot luck without the luck territory

Dp cooks meals, dd and Ds cook meals. Mine are a disaster and I have been banned from the kitchen
(I have burned down 3 kitchens in this house alone)

AnnaMagnani · 07/05/2020 18:10

Mine. I also have to make sure he is catered for when I'm away or he has to eat at the pub/starve. But he always does breakfast, lunch and all the washing up. I never touch the sink/dishwasher.

I hate washing up.

He's also likes what I make and doesn't make any fuss about me going experimental - although I recently discovered he doesn't know what any spices or flavours are except for nice, not nice, spicy and too spicy. So I'm trying to get him a bit more engaged.

I tried teaching him to cook once and we nearly got divorced at the end of it so we are happy as we are.

doadeer · 07/05/2020 18:11

Eh why don't you just not sometimes? He has to learn. It's hardly rocket science to make some pasta or whatever.

I wouldn't accept this. I don't know a single man who can't and doesn't cook.

oohnicevase · 07/05/2020 18:15

By the way my dh can cook he is just rarely around to do so .

DappledThings · 07/05/2020 18:16

DH does 95% of our cooking. He does 100% of the meal planning and shopping. But I do 100% of the laundry including ironing. General cleaning is maybe 70% me but tidying and childcare is 50/50.

We play to our strengths.

turquoiseplates · 07/05/2020 18:17

Been married 35 years and my husband has just managed to bbq a steak recently.
He has never cooked one meal, ever. But then again I have never done any DIY.
I do say my next husband will be able to cook and make a decent cup of coffee.

JonnyPocketRocket · 07/05/2020 18:20

Mine doesn't cook often - I probably do 80% of the cooking. But he can cook and is quite happy to if I ask him and he's back from work at a reasonable hour.
My dad never ever cooks at home. But that's because my mum doesn't let him or anyone else. If she's out, he's travelling etc then he'll cook.
I don't think I've ever actually met an adult who literally never cooks, now I come to think about it!

mrbob · 07/05/2020 18:21

You don’t have to cook for him and stock the freezer when you go away. Just don’t. He is an adult and can source his own food. Start there and then maybe he can cook some pasta and pesto a night when you are in the building

Settlersofcatan · 07/05/2020 18:22

He just sort of expected me to cook as I have always cooked

I just expected us to share the cooking so we always have. I don't really understand how these really unequal dynamics happen.

My DH is a messy cook which annoys me but I leave my dirty clothes on the floor which annoys him...

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