Malteaser cake recipe - help a Catholic out

[Lunawuna]

Help on an Ecumenical matter please So I've been dipping into the world of traybakes - I can make a pretty respectable caramel square (nice, thick, chewy caramel!) and Mars bar crispy square, but I need a good recipe for Malteaser cake.

I tried the BBC Good Food recipe the other day and it didn't have that lovely feeling of your pupils dilating with the sweetness of it all like a good traybake normally has. Am I doomed to never get it right because of my lack of Prod blood? Help! How can getting the right ratio of digestive biscuits, butter, syrup and chocolate be so hard?!

I'm normally a good baker! Honest!

Nothing to add recipe wise but just want to say thanks for giving me a much needed laugh this morning.

The Protestant Traybake thread was my favourite Mumsnet read ever.

www.nigella.com/recipes/members/megs-malteser-traybake

This is the one OP 😋

'C of E'

Marching the Road to Rome!

Here. Here. I can make excellent soda. I'm in one of them there wee mixed marriages, and it meets with left footing DH's approval. You do it in a proper cast iron skillet and it makes all the difference. And it has to be buttermilk.

BeatrixPottersAlterEgo you've just described half the girls I went to school with.

In your post of 8:42 that is...

Of COURSE the C of E are all on the drink. Your preachers wear wee dresses and all.

Don't drink, don't smoke, don't dance, don't chew and don't go out with girls who do!

Ooh, in the interest of cross-community relations, how do you make your soda farls?

You need to take them off the griddle then wrap them in a tea towel so that the steam makes them go soft.

Don't even start me with the high Anglicans!

You need to take them off the griddle then wrap them in a tea towel so that the steam makes them go soft.

INTERESTING, thank you.

We'll be up at the caravan in Portrush all the more now, scouting out nice presbyterian lads and lasses for our Linda and Samuel.

Portrush? Den of iniquity, it's all Harbour Bar and Kellys there. Tell them to turn the other way when they leave the caravan site and head down to Portstewart on a Sunday evening, where there will be Joels and Timothys a-plenty in their expensive cars, doing nothing more unwholesome than double parking whilst they nip into Morellis to pick up a 99.

Thanks for the measurements @Lunawuna

I've read part way through last year's thread in Classics.

I'm now considering buying the NI WI cookbook........ would that be mad?

Youok

This would make a fabulous episode of Derry Girls.

Omfg Kellys, the MEMORIES, woo!

Sorry, what I meant to say, Lorna, was that we can't go to Portstewart because of Mervyn's brother Nigel who...

...

...

...took to DRINK...

and...

...

...married a girl called BERNADETTE from Dungannon.

...I mean, put those two events in whatever order you please. Not blaming her for the drink element at all of course. Not. At. All.

isabelle I was surrounded by them in my own childhood

The expensive cars and the traybakes just go to show that everyone has to break out in hedonism somehow, if you're not allowed to read de Sade, take lovers and swig rum, then you just have to buy an audi and cane the fuck out of the condensed milk gavel

At least she wasn't called Nee Ammm Heh from whispers that there andersonstown

Ooh, in the interest of cross-community relations, how do you make your soda farls? I can make a good loaf and a scone but not a farl.

The farls are a skill that takes years to perfect (I'm still working on it!😬)

3 cups of Morton's plain flour (I use English stuff that seems to work too)
1 tsp soda
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp sugar
1 pint Dale Farm Buttermilk (I've clearly had to subst with English stuff again 😬)
Mix all dry ingredients in a big (porcelain) bowl. Sieve the soda for lumps or smoosh it in your hand...no one have sieve!
Add buttermilk carefully to mix to a sticky dough...keep it in the stiff side - if it's too sloppy you will not be able to form the farls - and you can alway add more liquid - or milk if you run out.
Flour a griddle and pre-heat (medium is best) - now the rest of this recipe is voodoo, hard to explain the technique. I make round sodas - not the inferior triangle shop bought stuff made by likes of Paul Rankin!
Take a couple or three spoonfuls of flour and place on a work surface.
With a tablespoon, scoop a kind of quenelle of dough and place it on your wee mound of flour.
Cup your hands around it and move it around in a circle to coat with flour and then use some jiggery pokery cupping action to lift it and flip it over and then somehow manage to cup the dough, lift it and drop it onto the pre-heated griddle - you'll have to use a knife to have a wee poke at it and only experience will tell you when it's cooked enough underneath to withstand the first flipping over...best to go slow until you learn the knack.
Flip a few times. It will be cooked when it sounds hollow when tapped - about 10 minutes I think - but time is irrelevant when your catholic! Lift cooked scones and knocked together to remove excess flour.

They don't keep well - so don't hold back!

read de Sade, take lovers and swig rum

Sure when were you ever on the Women's Bible Retreat?

oh my God, that finished me

@FiveEyes you legend, thank you. What kind of griddle do you all use, is an ikea frying pan okay?

You can get cast iron ones off amazons for under £20. I use mine for everything now I'd never go back to a frying pan

Norn Iron Prod hailing from Costa Del County Down checking in with a wee malteser bun recipe.

• 100g butter
• 100g milk chocolate
• 100g dark chocolate
• 3tbsp golden syrup
• 230g digestives
• 200g Maltesers
• 200g white chocolate

• Melt butter, milk & dark chocolates and syrup together in microwave. Start with 1min then work in 30sec blasts until fully melted and mixed well.
• Crush digestives with a rolling pin in a large sandwich bag. Do not blitz them in a food processor as they will go to too powdery a crumb. You want them to be finely crushed but not powder.
• Combine biscuits and maltesers with melted goodness (after taking a wee malteser or two for yourself) Do not chop the Maltesers - there’s no need as many will be cut when you slice the traybakes later anyway, and there’s nothing better than a whole malteser in a bite.
• Press into a tray approx 28x22cm (ish) (if you can choose a fairly flexible tray this will serve you well later)
• Melt white chocolate and pour over chocolate mixture
• Set in fridge for a couple of hours
• Take out of fridge and let it sit for 15min at least before you slice into approx 2doz pieces. (If you cut too soon your white chocolate will crack)

OMG properly laughing at this thread.

ohhhh ... a traybake thread! just what I need today.

As a NI Prod who has decamped to England - I feel my tray bake baking opportunities are sadly limited!

Mine is a non stick griddle I bought years ago - the main thing you need is a flat surface with no lip or minimum lip and a handle for knocking the flour off between batches if it’s looking too brown - the lip makes it tricky to get the knife in to flip the scone. Cast iron would be great, mines is aluminium one with a non stick coating. I’ll share a link when I can find one.