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Original poster

I cannot do this until September, I just fucking can't

384 replies

Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 19:09

The press conferences today with Raab and Sturgeon saying it won't be safe to reopen schools any time soon have just sent me into a tailspin. I'm at home with a 3 year old on. Both dh and I are lucky enough to have jobs (for now) but we still work a 40 hour week and both of us have constant calls and meetings. It is impossible to work around ds. Neither of us can be furloughed as we are paid from public funds. We live in a 2 bedroom flat with no garden. I'm used to seeing my mum 3-4 times a week and ds cries every day because he misses her. Every day is relentless and we are working until midnight and getting up at 5 to fit everything in.

I can't do this until September. I just cant.

OP posts:
Heartlake · 05/05/2020 20:08

@nostaples has it spot on. You have to do this for your child, and for yourself, you can do it!

Flopjustwantscoffee · 05/05/2020 20:08

I think a lot of us are hitting a wall at this point! Other than the advice other people have given - can you arrange any annual leave (if not for this week then the next). Then you don’t have to think about doing it till September, only next week when you get a few days break from juggling it all, then that’s another 2 weeks done and we may be in a different place by then. Your partner could also do similar if possible, arrange (ideally a weeks but if not a few days) leave and then he can focus on the 3 year old for that time leaving you with a bit more breathing space. I think breaking up the time between now and September and thinking a few weeks ahead at most is going to be important. Otherwise it’s just so overwhelming. I also don’t think restrictions will continue at the current level till then - life will get much easier for you before then but it’s the not knowing that’s hard. If you can give yourself something to look forward to in the immediate future (like a short break from work) it will help

Flopjustwantscoffee · 05/05/2020 20:11

Also, if none of the rest of your team have kids then that’s great - they can pick up some of the slack for you can’t they (I know that’s not always how it works but it should be...)

AnneElliott · 05/05/2020 20:12

If you're public sector you can be considered a key worker and your son can go into childcare. Our Department has written letters confirming this to some of the team who need to use childcare.

Or will they not offer some special leave? We are doing that too.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 20:12

So I actually did speak to my manager and she said she was sympathetic but because the situation was going to go on for months she could only be flexible "to an extent" and I would have to work something out at home

DH was just flat out told he needs to be available end of story, and he is still on probation in his current job so on thin ground as it is.

OP posts:
B0bbin · 05/05/2020 20:13

I completely understand. It's impossible for me to work with my 3 year old around too. There's no let up. I am doing what I can when he's asleep at night, but nothing much gets done in the daytime. Your boss should be fully aware that we are in lockdown and you have to put your child first. But I know it's not that simple.
I can only wish you luck with this Cake

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 20:13

I have taken next week as annual leave hoping I can get my head together

OP posts:
crustycrab · 05/05/2020 20:14

"Are you listening to the ordinary people, Boris?

This is one reason of many why we need to put pressure on the government to start easing measures sooner, rather than later. They think we're "OK" with it, when many people really are not."

Hold on, I think the OP needs a break and should do whatever she can to protect her health. But I'm very ordinary...and I don't want or need them to ease measures sooner rather than later. I have young kids, we both work, family are miles away, DH a key worker. I've taken a paycut.

You can't speak for all of us like that

NeedMoreMountains · 05/05/2020 20:14

OP, I really feel for you. Please prioritise your mental health, it is so important but I understand from personal experience it it one of the first things to be pushed aside for other priorities. I am sure your doctor would be more than happy to sign you off for couple of weeks if your managers weren't sympathetic. It might give you a bit of breathing space?

Also, echoing loads of PP please check your mortgage provider's website re mortgage holiday. For ours it was literally 2 clicks and you don't need to give a reason just confirm you understand that the interest will be added to the overall term. Our new fixed term was supposed to start 1st May so now will be August so the mortgage hadn't even technically started!

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 20:14

or at least I have requested it and can only hope it will be OK

OP posts:
Willitneverend · 05/05/2020 20:14

I've just had a family bereavement, my DH is working from home and I'm doing a bit of work, and look after a toddler and homeschool a primary school kid. I feel like shite, and I've had mental health problems in the past too.

I go out for a run myself every second day or so which in normal times can stave off depression but at the moment it feels like it's not even touching the sides; all my other coping mechanisms are gone at the moment.

Anyone who thinks people "should just keep going" is deluded. Even a plan for unlock and a date would be something to look forward to.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 05/05/2020 20:15

I am not coping either. I’m not doing anything well and I resent the fact that everyone (government/employer/society) suddenly expects working parents to be able to keep working full-time while homeschooling and doing childcare, whereas in a previous life, it was banned for us to work from home if the kids were there because they were supposed to be too distracting. It’s still too bloody distracting! And it was all very well when we thought it might only be for a few weeks, but now we know that it isn’t.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 05/05/2020 20:15

Either you get signed off work for stress, or one of you packs your job in. Take a mortgage holiday. Sell the car.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 20:15

I was having regular therapy which was so helpful but has all been cancelled thanks to covid

OP posts:
Bollss · 05/05/2020 20:16

Would you still be saying that if you faced potentially losing your job though @crustycrab because that's the reality for a lot of people.

DominaShantotto · 05/05/2020 20:17

If you already have a nursery - talk to them. I've had to call one of the kids' schools this week as DD1 (I suspect is on the autistic spectrum but she masks so well that we only ever see the fallout at home) has struggled to the point her behaviour has plummeted to the point of physical violence. They're going to take her into school on days they're lower on keyworker child numbers and put her down as a vulnerable child to try to keep the connection going and give her some semblance of any form of "normal".

Flopjustwantscoffee · 05/05/2020 20:17

@Elmerrrrrrrr I hope she regrets those words when she has kids.... I do get it about people without kids/with older kids not understanding. What helped me ironically was focusing on a video call while my child threw cushions at my head. When they asked if it was a bad time I said it’s pretty much always like this and I think they realised... can you accidentally on purpose have your child in the room so they can actually see what it’s like or would that make it worse?

rossKemp · 05/05/2020 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bollss · 05/05/2020 20:19

What is that supposed to mean @rossKemp??

Flopjustwantscoffee · 05/05/2020 20:19

Also, I had my therapy switched to online which isn’t ideal but better than nothing. Is that possible for you? (Although it has the disadvantage of being one more commitment to fit in it hasn’t helped)

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 20:19

oh please go away rossKemp

Did you really need to make me feel worse than I already do? What was the point? Did it make you feel good about yourself?

OP posts:
crustycrab · 05/05/2020 20:19

My job is going. Hence the pay cut. Trying to hold onto it as long as possible by being as reasonable as I can. (Offered to drop a third of my hours).

They agreed for 3 months which ends on 23rd June. It's likely I won't be employed much longer after that.

So yes, I'd still be saying it. It's difficult but we all have our own personal feelings about it and they differ. I just don't appreciate someone else speaking for me as an "ordinary" person.

Wehttam · 05/05/2020 20:20

OP and anyone else in a similar situation, it is imperative that you accept what is happening and try to gain some balance otherwise how you feel now will only spiral out of control.

I understand this is easy for me to say but try and look at the situation differently, you are safe at home with your family, without the commuting. It is pointless wishing for another reality, this is ours now so we must deal with it and not let it defeat us.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 20:20

And we were all very happy before this thank you. In normal times I love my job and have worked hard for it

OP posts:
crustycrab · 05/05/2020 20:20

Bloody hell Ross

My kids were in nursery 3 half days a week through choice from age 3. Did them a world of good, they thrived as they say.