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Original poster

I cannot do this until September, I just fucking can't

384 replies

Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 19:09

The press conferences today with Raab and Sturgeon saying it won't be safe to reopen schools any time soon have just sent me into a tailspin. I'm at home with a 3 year old on. Both dh and I are lucky enough to have jobs (for now) but we still work a 40 hour week and both of us have constant calls and meetings. It is impossible to work around ds. Neither of us can be furloughed as we are paid from public funds. We live in a 2 bedroom flat with no garden. I'm used to seeing my mum 3-4 times a week and ds cries every day because he misses her. Every day is relentless and we are working until midnight and getting up at 5 to fit everything in.

I can't do this until September. I just cant.

OP posts:
Potterspotter · 05/05/2020 19:48

You sound like you need to take some leave or sick days to me, urgently, and who could blame you? If I were you I’d be seriously thinking about moving in with your mum if that’s an option - does she have a garden? Your dh can get a bit of work done and sleep regular hours and you’ll have a bit of help.

An awful lot of people working with small kids at home are hitting desperation point, there needs to be a plan soon, the uncertainty doesn’t help. Your history of MH problems does mean that you (we) need to be more careful, it’s not a case of sucking it up, take a break.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 19:49

I don't see how she could stay here, there isn't the space and she wouldn't want to leave my brothers for any length of time really, particularly one of them as he has severe OCD and isn't coping at all with this

OP posts:
ToSeaToBe · 05/05/2020 19:49

Nor me, OP.

I hear ya, OP! Its shit. its untenable. its unnecessary.

Complete over-reaction by government, and everything is going down the tube. But people go mad if you say that : "you want people to die!!!!!!" has been the screamy reaction I've had!

still as long as those smiley rainbow "staysafe" banners are everywhere telling us what to do like little kiddies.

fascinated · 05/05/2020 19:49

Gobblino - it’s mad, right? Anyone who has been in quarantine self isolating (even if no symptoms, but so they could do this) for two to weeks (3 to be be on safe side) could surely start seeing gps.

The isolation for elderly people is a disgrace. And the additional stress on mums (let’s face it, it is mostly mums).

Littlebelina · 05/05/2020 19:49

I feel you op. I have a nursery aged child and a school aged child. I work 30hrs and dp 37. He still has to leave the house for work most of the time, I can work from home but might have to go in sometimes. No idea how it's going to work long term. Today has not been a good day.

Remember until the government announce plans, nobody knows when schools will open. Ignore people using italy or Ireland as examples (for starters their school terms are different). It might well be that private nurseries will open before schools as they don't have terms.

Ursaminor · 05/05/2020 19:50

Wouldn't it be worth investigating a mortgage holiday, if it would then make unpaid leave an option for you? You can apply online. My sis applied and it was granted with no fuss.

fascinated · 05/05/2020 19:50

But OP. YOU are not coping with this.

ToSeaToBe · 05/05/2020 19:50

Keep trucking though OP. Be strong.

fascinated · 05/05/2020 19:50

I feel for you. I really do.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 19:50

No I'm not but neither is he and she wouldn't want to leave him. He's only 16.

OP posts:
Potterspotter · 05/05/2020 19:51

I see you can’t move in with your mum - sorry. So you can’t take AL because of all the others off sick. Well, MH is serious sickness too. You sound exhausted and desperate. You need to talk to your manager.

Jux · 05/05/2020 19:52

Can you afford for one of you to be furloughed? Would your employers be open to a proposal to slightly reduced hours under these exceptional circumstances?

The trouble is that unless it is considered safe for the lockdown to be lifted, then it won't be and you will have to try to negotiate something more workable or just put up with it.

trumpisaflump · 05/05/2020 19:52

@OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe My DS is at school in Scotland and his school finishes on 26th June. Not exactly the middle of June. Plus a month of work in school from the start of June to the end of June would be better than nothing considering how much they have missed this year.

fascinated · 05/05/2020 19:52

Is anyone really vulnerable in terms of elderly/ underlying conditions? If not it might be worth risking seeing your mum. Just be super careful about hygiene and avoid going too close yourself . Obv 3 year old is a different story but that can’t be helped.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 19:52

I may have to get signed off sick but if I am on sick pay for any length of time we will badly struggle financially. I will try for the mortgage holiday

OP posts:
opticaldelusion · 05/05/2020 19:52

Aww, OP, it's rubbish isn't it. Just go and see your mum. Your mental health is important and the risk probably quite small.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 19:53

no, no one is vulnerable (that we know of). Mum is 53

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 05/05/2020 19:53

You need to have a proper conversation with your manager, with support from your union if you're in one. You need some time off, you're at breaking point. It's also completely untenable for staff who are well to carry all the load for staff who are sick or self-isolating.

I'm in the middle of persuading DP to take one day off a week - would something like that work for you and DH? I think one day off each, either together or separately, would give you a bit of breathing space. Calls all day is bloody hard work, harder than 'normal' work.

fascinated · 05/05/2020 19:53

He could come for a visit too. Could help entertain the 3 year old!

fascinated · 05/05/2020 19:54

So she isn’t even over 70 — great! I’d do it if I were you. Plenty are even with older rellies.

TryingToBeBold · 05/05/2020 19:54

@Elmerrrrrrrr what about your partner?

TryingToBeBold · 05/05/2020 19:54

*is he a key worker?

Bumpsadaisie · 05/05/2020 19:55

OP why on earth wouldn't you get a mge holiday?

Anyone can apply for payment holidays on credit cards loans and mge. The forms are super simple and they are granted automatically. No questions are asked !

QuixoticQuokka · 05/05/2020 19:55

I can't do this until September either. I wake up crying some days. My young teen is alone while I work (just us two) and so is not being homeschooled. The school is sending mixed messages that it's okay not to do set work, but that the content won't be repeated for some subjects where they have started the GCSE coursework. My child is getting no feedback on their schoolwork. My workplace has furloughed healthy single adults with no children or caring responsibilities simply because they don't drive (they could cycle), while I have to leave my child day after day.

ballsdeep · 05/05/2020 19:55

@underneaththeash
Are you mystic meg? You have NO idea if schools will go back in June. None whatsoever. It's guess work until someone comes out and says something. Ireland, Scotland all aren't going back until september