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Original poster

I cannot do this until September, I just fucking can't

384 replies

Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 19:09

The press conferences today with Raab and Sturgeon saying it won't be safe to reopen schools any time soon have just sent me into a tailspin. I'm at home with a 3 year old on. Both dh and I are lucky enough to have jobs (for now) but we still work a 40 hour week and both of us have constant calls and meetings. It is impossible to work around ds. Neither of us can be furloughed as we are paid from public funds. We live in a 2 bedroom flat with no garden. I'm used to seeing my mum 3-4 times a week and ds cries every day because he misses her. Every day is relentless and we are working until midnight and getting up at 5 to fit everything in.

I can't do this until September. I just cant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 21:50

Yes of course it would be worse and I'm sorry for feeling shit but I cant help it I just cant

OP posts:
funkylittleboatrace · 05/05/2020 21:50

Since all this has started I have lost my job and my Dad in pretty horrific circumstances things could be worst OP.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 21:51

I know they could be worse they could always be worse but it doesn't help

OP posts:
funkylittleboatrace · 05/05/2020 21:52

Worse even see it's all gone to pot 😂

Bollss · 05/05/2020 21:52

Do we have to do this competitive my life is worse than yours? Op needs help advice and kindness.

In truth there will always be someone worse off than you but do you know what this is not the time nor the bloody place to bring it up.

littlefawn · 05/05/2020 21:52

If you take sickness what are your entitlements?
Could you take leave next week then sickness until they stop paying you then leave again? And then DH take leave?
It could get you over the worst if it until lockdown eases

DesperateElf · 05/05/2020 21:52

You need time off work. Have you asked for it? You must.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 21:53

I only get statutory but it may have to come to that. I am not functioning and I am tearful all day

OP posts:
rvby · 05/05/2020 21:53

OP you're right, the fact others have it worse doesn't help at all. My heart goes out to you, you're in a shit situation and I don't blame you for feeling at the very end of your tether. I'm so glad you've applied for leave - best decision you could make right now.

I know your job is important, but you're important too and you need to do what's necessary to survive this crap time x

Flopjustwantscoffee · 05/05/2020 21:55

We could all be a one legged orphan with cholera trapped in the 1800s in the middle of the Crimean war only to be kidnapped by pirates and then shipwrecked. So we can all feel grateful for that.

Starlight1243 · 05/05/2020 21:55

Tbh op I have three dc a 4 year old, 6 year and a 11 yea old. I've just got to get on with op like the rest of parents in the uk. I would love just to have to deal with the one.

Desiringonlychild · 05/05/2020 21:56

@Elmerrrrrrrr Op I live in a 570 sq ft 2 bed flat too (though I have a communal garden). I think you are tremendous and doing the right thing- being a full time working mum with a toddler. It's not easy, but you are earning a full salary and so is your DH. Yes the hours do not accommodate your home life. But you and DH are able to pay your mortgage and provide for your child financially. It's sad but this virus means many people would lose their jobs. Many on furlough would not have jobs to come back to. A lot of previously comfortable families are going to struggle, there is no sugar coating it. Children are going to be homeless and hungry. But your child is not going to be one of those statistics because he has parents who are needed at work. You are doing a great job,- earning money and making sure your child has a roof over his head and food in his belly and security for his future.

Howaboutanewname · 05/05/2020 21:57

You might be struggling, OP but people have come here to be supportive and help. You have dismissed anything you don’t agree with with quite an aggressive tone. Lots of people are struggling, many who have posted here experiencing the same issues. There is no magic wand to make this improve. You are going to have to dig deep and either be your own support or seek out the support you need. Probably both. So if you need mental health support, have you spoken to your GP? Have you tried the Samaritans or the Mind helpline? Have you looked for info on mindfulness and acted on any of it?m Or are you going to dismiss everything people suggest?

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 21:57

Starlight1243 thanks that's really made me feel so much better if only I'd felt like that earlier

If only when six years ago I was suicidal people had only told me there were others who had it so much worse I probably never would have tried to kill myself

OP posts:
JasonPollack · 05/05/2020 21:58

Oo well done @Starlight1243 way to be understanding of someone else's specific circumstances and mental health. Behind the door when they were handing out the empathy were you.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 21:58

I am so sorry I am not being aggressive I am just trying to type on my phone

I dont even really know what I'm saying

I'm sorry I'm a shit person I don't deserve help

OP posts:
Bollss · 05/05/2020 21:58

Jesus Christ. Is everyone devoid of empathy tonight?

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 21:59

I am so sorry if I have been aggressive to those trying to help I didnt mean to be

OP posts:
Bollss · 05/05/2020 21:59

Op stop apologising. You're not a shit person. You've already taken some positive steps. The announcement on Sunday night provide some clarity.

You are doing your best in a fucking awful situation x

Starlight1243 · 05/05/2020 22:01

Did anyone read HavenDilemma situation? We are all struggling in our ways you're not on you're own. Everyone in the uk is stressed potentially losing jobs, cancer treatments delayed etc. Theres been good suggestions about taking leave.

BelleSausage · 05/05/2020 22:02

Op, this sounds horrible and really stressful.

I would try to rearranging your thinking slightly and not pin your hopes on the schools opening- nurseries may open well before schools so keep that in mind.

But why not focus on seeing your mum again and having her help out a bit. That is probably only three weeks away, much closer and more likely.

It is sad and stressful for all of us in different ways. But that doesn’t make it any easier for you.

Have you considered swapping being the ‘on’ parent? I work in the kitchen in the morning with DD and she does playdough, colouring, drawing, iPad, dollies with me while I have the laptop on and do work. At a much slower pace.

DH locks himself in the shed until 12.30. We have lunch and then swap (I prefer to lock myself in the spare room. We just have to juggle classes, meetings and phone calls to our slot. And if they don’t fit then there is sometimes a toddler in a meeting. No one actually cares that much.

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 22:02

I KNOW everyone is in a shit situation

What I am saying is that this doesn't work logically. When you have a mental illness the brain doesn't say oh be grateful for what you have others have it worse. It simply doesn't help.its like telling someone in labour don't complain that its painful because some women can't have children

OP posts:
rvby · 05/05/2020 22:02

@Elmerrrrrrrr you aren't a shit person my love, you're having an incredibly shit time, that's all. Unfortunately so are a lot of other people, so you're going to have some uncompassionate posts on here as well as supportive ones, because people aren't at their best. xx

JasonPollack · 05/05/2020 22:02

Love you need some real life support. Maybe call in the morning get an urgent GP appointment?

Feel free to pm me if you want to talk.

AWryGiraffe · 05/05/2020 22:02

Please try and ignore the competitive it could be worse type posts, easier said than done I know. Just imagine they are some busybody interrupting your conversation on the bus and brush it off.

Personally, in your shoes, I would take a couple of weeks sick leave and try and regroup. I would also definitely see your mum. She's not elderly, it's safer to see her now than when lockdown is eased. You need the help.