Can't say it to your neighbours during lockdown? Say it here.

[RestYourHead]

To my next door but one neighbour who has been using his jet washer all day for the last 3 days:

Whatever it is you're jet washing, I'M FAIRLY SURE ITS CLEAN NOW

Ah that's better.

I know I know, live and let live etc, just wanted somewhere to say it.

F

I wasn't sure whether 101 was the right thing to do, especially as they are so busy, I sent my ex round to have a word, he said he was allowed to shoot pigeons in his own garden, but our gardens are not that big, he shoots out of his bedroom window right next to my garden, and it's not just pigeons he's shooting. So upsetting.

I'm so fucking grateful to the ones on my right for their endless bbqs as listening to the tinkl of laughter from adults enjoying their time Together is heartwarming . And I
Am grateful to the ones on my left for their nightly weed fest. It reminds me there is life out there .

Dear neighbours across the road. What part of social distancing do you not get? It's bad enough you let your 12 year old out on the street to hang out with my next door neighbours' daughter but today you had visitors too. And please stop playing football with people who are not in your household on the street outside my house. Your garden is big enough for your two children. They shouldn't play with others now. Stay at home. I will be calling 101 if you don't cut it out soon. It is hard having to explain to my child why he can't see his family or friends. Stop parading your rule flouting outside my windows. You deserve to be fined.

NDN - no, I don't see why I should inconvenience myself by parking closer to my neighbour to accommodate the fact that you want to park on the street now. Why ? Because you cannot use your drive as you've had a load of out door furniture and a self assembly shed delivered.

Tough.

Oh and I'm smirking at the amount of balls that we now have in our back garden because your kid has kicked them over the fence when doing goal shooting practice by incessantly kicking the ball hard against the damn fence.

Thud. Thud. Thud. It gets boring. Very quickly. Every week end afternoon.

And no, we won't chuck the ball back. We are not your ball boys/girls. Damn well come and ask for it back. The answer is always yes, btw.

No one will come and ask for the balls back because of the lockdown. Suits us. The more balls you kick into our garden, the less balls you have as ammunition. Come and ask for them back at the end of lockdown. Or not. It's up to you.

Next door neighbour I know you get up at 6am I also know you sweep your kitchen floor at 7am every bloody morning as hit every kickboard as you do it, also before 9am on a Sunday morning isn't the time to be hoovering your car mats
Downstairs new neighbours yes I understand you are just moving in but every day all day for 3 weeks you have drilled, banged and sawn please give it a rest, oh and if your vicious yappy dog goes for me again I'm going to launch him over the fence

Dear fucking neighbour
It wouldn’t harm to use headphones if you want to play the piano, especially when you repeat the intro of A Whole New World hundreds times. And you are not making any progress at all! Jesus.

Stop the bloody dog from barking, and your laugh is fucking annoying like a witches cackle! 😬

To the neighbours upstairs,
Is it necessary to turn up the subwoofer speaker at full blast every time you watch Game of Thrones?

To the neighbours across the road,
You guys make me laugh. One moment, you're playing a church sermon and then the next moment, you are playing "Get Busy" by Sean Paul, both at maximum volume!

I'm sick of the stench of weed coming through my ceiling from your flat

Please make some more noise. Everything we do seems super loud because you dont' make a sound...................:)

We're really, really sorry for all the noise. We know that all kids are perfectly old enough not to scream on a regular basis (suspected ASD, it's not fun for us or them either) and we know that the teenager who seems to do nothing but play the piano at full volume is infuriating - we strongly encourage other activities and ban it before 9am and after 9pm, but all they will willingly do is play, compose, or listen to music. I'd like to smell the morning air before you smoke outside at 7:30 am, but tbh thank you for putting up with us!

Stop noticing every little thing about everyone's life and asking them its none of your business!!

Your taste in music is shite. Particularly at 12.30am.

Do you really need to sunbathe in the front garden in your thong bikini? Could you use the back garden?

Mine jet washes every day too. But wearing nothing but his speedos.
He not in bad shape for his age (60s) but the sight of him makes me a little uncomfy.

You are a grown man.. stop repeatedly kicking your fucking football against the wall like a bloody child. It’s the most irritating noise and I wish that you’d accidentally kick it into our garden, so that I could pop it.

I’d like to apologise to our back neighbours for our fucking irritating dog always barking at their wee yappy dog and even barking when it’s not there. I’d like to thank my next door neighbours for being lovely despite the fact we’re probably nightmare neighbours.

I’d like to knock the heads together of the neighbours two doors down on either side for both having visitors today. Being catholic does not protect you from this virus. Idgaf if it’s the most important day in your religious calendar and your granddaughters birthday, there’s no excuse for having your family over today. And as for the other neighbours, you just brought your newborn home from the hospital a couple of days ago, wtf do you have visitors and their kids playing football in your back garden when you should be protecting your newborn from all sorts of nasty bugs? You can wait a few weeks to show the baby off ffs.

Sorry for singing in the shower.

And sorry for sneezing so loud (hayfever!) that it nearly drowns out the sound of your fucking wooden windchimes.

Future sorry for what I'm going to do to your windchimes next time I've cracked open a bottle of wine.

Dear Cunts who dumped their rubbish.
Thank you for responding so quickly to my neighbours request and removing your rubbish ASAP. I’ve just watched you on cctv scuttling off back to the rock from which you came crawling back under with the rubbish you dumped. I have sent the image of the rubbish to the council and if they find it dumped elsewhere, at least we know where you live.
Best wishes

Longdistance

PS I will show my neighbours the footage so they can have a cackle with me 😂

Right, you, bastards at the back. Not everyone is religious, we do not want invitations to join in hymn singing or to give praise. No one else is joining in, by all means give praise to your god, but you do not need to do so by singing on your doorstep hoping to start a fucking trend.

Wanker at number 9, why do you need to wash and vac your car every day? You’re in lockdown working from home ffs.

Arsebadgers at the end of the road. Fix your gate. You cannot fail to know it is banging about in the wind.

And you, you know who you are, thank you, your random acts of kindness have really cheered us up over the years but especially now.

Left side - stop yelling at each other

Right side - stop chucking your yappy dog out all day to yap at everyone who passes along the back path, plus cats, squirrels, birds, the dog the other side (who is adorable), leaves, twigs etc.

When I say I have a different opinion to you about social distancing (ie we should do it) don't jump to "are you having a go at me?"

What on earth are you buying? You go out shopping every day, between 10 and 11 (my desk is by the window overlooking the front so I can't not see it) and come back with full bags.

There are two of you, you also produce more waste than the rest of the street put together. So are you shopping and then throwing food?

What is happening?