Can't say it to your neighbours during lockdown? Say it here.

[RestYourHead]

To my next door but one neighbour who has been using his jet washer all day for the last 3 days:

Whatever it is you're jet washing, I'M FAIRLY SURE ITS CLEAN NOW

Ah that's better.

I know I know, live and let live etc, just wanted somewhere to say it.

By putting up pics on fb of you and our neighbour's drinking beers in your back garden you are making it my business. So you coming over to my door and screaming at me that what you do is none of my fucking business and frightening the shite out of my kids because I dared to put up a meme on your page about people who break restrictions being wankers was a bit fucking ironic. Sorry I told you to fuck off and slammed the door in your face but I had ignored the 7 teenagers in your garden earlier and the comings and goings to your house all week but gloating about it on fb and then having the cheek to come over and start screaming at my door when we were following all guidelines and haven't seen our grown up kids including dd who is a nurse on a covid ward in over a month made me see red. It's a pity because we were both good neighbour's to each other for the last 16 years. Guess what we are all feeling it. I have been with my 2 primary aged kids 24/7 for the last 5 weeks while wfh and the woman next door to me is following the rules and she has 3 children under the age of 4 including a new baby so suck it up buttercup and just fucking do what you are being asked to do.

To the couple over the road, FFS can you quietly close your (ridiculously OTT full height, multi-locking) steel security gate when you go out for your walk at 6:45, instead of letting it bang shut and wake up half the street! I know you can shut it quietly because you do it whenever you're sneaking friends over at the weekends!

There’s another thread running at the moment and I think some of your neighbours might be on it. The lady is very cross her neighbours have asked her to turn her music and her children down. The general consensus is she should turn them down. She is very unhappy about this, I think some of your neighbours are defending her. FWIW your neighbours are all inconsiderate arseholes. To my neighbours thank you for just being nice and normal and not my old neighbour which is why we had to move. To the god of small mercies thank you for not making me live next door to that strung out abusive bitch and her poor feral very loud children or the pumping base during lockdown amongst many other things.

To my adjoining neighbours.... TURN YOUR FUCKING TV DOWN! IT'S 2AM! And if I get woken up in the middle of the night with your STUPID Woody the Woodpecker laugh again, I swear, I will not be held responsible for my actions

Dear Kev, I'm sick of the beeps and music gaming from your 24 hour gaming session. I'm only slightly judgy about a man in his 40s spending so much time gaming but I will make allowances for the fact you are disabled and lonely.

For the love of god can you take your dope smoking into the room furthest away from my house and shut the door so the smoke doesn't somehow waft through my plug sockets or however it gets into my house. Can you also shut the window.

To the woman and her grown up son who live in the cul de sac, I'm wondering why I see you at the bus stop every time I go out? I'm not generally a nosey neighbour and I like you but I am concerned for your safety. I know you are not working, and walk to work anyway s it can't be that. You carry bags for life but nobody needs to shop that often, maybe you are helping someone vulnerable.

I have posted further up the thread about my neighbours but want to add this to the neighbours downstairs thankyou for the note you put through the door apologising for the noise and thankyou to the little one that drew the picture I also hope that when this is over we can get to know each other , but I still don't like your dog and he really doesn't like me

Dear neighbours, high five for having awesome music taste. I also like shit 90s pop and whilst I'm against playing music in gardens in general, yours is my jam, so thanks. Thank you for slobbing about with your hairy back and moobs on show. Makes me feel better about having my flab unsuitably (or not at all) attired for the outdoors. Other neighbour, sorry we haven't fixed the fence that's been falling apart for 10 years. It's expensive and ignorable, especially behind the lovely hedge that you never ask us to trim (we like the privacy) you absolute legend.

I’ve got another one to add. To the 70s+ couple at the end of our cul de sac: I can see you flouting the lockdown rules daily you know You’re also being disrespectful and intrusive going over to talk to neighbours when they’re just trying to go about their own business. Right up in their faces as well as their children’s. Do you not understand social distancing? They are being polite by not asking you to move away or leave them alone because they feel sorry for you. It’s people like you that will make the lockdown last longer for everyone else.

The husband has just walked past with a badminton racket and a massive equipment bag on his bag, alone. So clearly meeting someone else to play sports. Fucking ridiculous. Think about your own health as well as others! Daft man

Dear neighbour.
Stop stealth policing me.
Stop jogging in just very tiny shorts and nothing else. You are 70 not 17. That tan does not allow your body to defy gravity.

I would like to ask everyone actually reporting their neighbours to the police to think for a minute whether they really need to do so.

I’d like to think the people who reported a terminally ill family friend for having district nurses visit (and the police actually attended) now feel absolutely horrific but I bet they’re the kind of people who don’t give a shit anyway. Makes me sick.

Stop flipping spying on us from your shed we CAN see you and for goodness sake we are really not that interesting!

NDNs:

Mum: Your high-pitched piping voice is FU**ING annoying, give it a rest

Dad: You make more noise than your kids put together with your loud, performance-parenting roaring. Grow up and shut up.

Eldest child, aged 5 : You are gorgeous and we think you are great :)

Youngest child, aged 1.5: You too are lovely, please don't grow up noisy and daft like your Dad.

Thank you.

PS Please go out for more socially-distanced walks, so we can have a short break from your racket in the garden all day every day, thank you.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt

That sounds awful I would only report if it was painstakingly obvious rules were being broken. I.e. if neighbours had people round for a BBQ/party

albertcamus oh god don’t get me started on performance parenting! We have decent sized gardens but are still in close quarters as it’s terraced. You can hear everything even if people whisper. When the lockdown started DH and I were trying to enjoy some peace in the garden. NDN and her child were out playing with bubbles or a water gun, some sort of liquid based toy from the conversations I could hear. I presume the child got the mother’s chair wet. Cue the mother shrieking ‘You’ve got my bottom wet! If anyone saw me they’d think I’d wet myself shrieking manic laughing’. Fuck me she literally repeated herself over 30 times in a row. It went on for what seemed like eternity all whilst her child was shrieking along with her. She knew we were outside also so was well aware we could hear her. I would be mortified if my neighbours heard me talk about my drenched bottom. Yeah, we get it, it looks like you’ve wet yourself! So hilarious

I'm genuinely sorry I accidentally flooded you. I had the plumber out and it's fixed now.
If you weren't prone to screaming in my face, I would have said this to you in person.

Well it happened, next doors football in our garden. My girls ran out to play and there it was. I put on gloves, bagged it and put a note in saying keep your ball out of my garden, dropped it by their wall.
Am so hacked off. Her hubby out of quarantine today, jumped in the car gone since the morning, and he’s not working, site shut.
Feel unsafe

Dear NDN, you know I am still working, albeit from home. Please stop waiting until I am outside trying to have a minute to put your jet washer on. I am inside the house working for 7 hours a day, that's plenty of time to do it! Oh, and please hurry up and move to this "dream house" you keep telling any neighbour who can actually stand to listen to you. No one actually likes you, they all talk about you behind their backs and are all greatly relieved they don't have to live next to you like I do.

To my brand new next door neighbour...who moved his mum in once she'd started displaying symptoms....please stop going outside,moving my bin, stroking my cat etc. Also, I know you're in a new house that needs work doing but you really shouldn't be having electricians, plumbers and painters coming into your house!! You're supposed to be in quarantine!!!

To the neighbour on the other side. Please stop taking yourself off on all day bike rides which you drive to ( and waking me up at the crack of dawn loading your noisy van in the process ) and stay at home and parent your children instead of leaving it all to your wife who is trying to WFH and home school.

Sigh.....that feels so much better!!!!!!

Not everyone on the street shares your taste in music.

You don't have to cheer every time you hit a ball.

Please stop drinking on your illegal roof terrace, literally the last thing anyone needs right now is someone taking a tumble off that.

Maybe try to not use your back garden as a driving range when you aren't very good and know small children are playing in the garden?

It's an HMO, there are 10 people living there at the moment, all late 20's and it's like living next to a student house now that no one needs to go to work of a morning. The parents of someone who lives there is the landlord and they are travelling the world. The parents had lived on this road for about 35 years so are well known. I've wondered if someone put a complaint in to the parents this weekend because they were really quiet on Sunday and yesterday. I'd be really surprised if the parents knew how many people were living in the house.

You chose to rent a house with no garden when you have 3 kids. Deal with it without affecting me.

No, I do not want your kids to play golf in in the small space between our living room windows and cars.
No, I do not want to see you all sunbathing on the small patch of grass outside my front window. And put a t-shirt on fgs, you're in full view of the whole street.
No, I do not want to have to shut my windows on a nice sunny day just so I can't hear your awful music blasting out of your house.

Oh and unrelated to lockdown - No, your tv with subwoofer does not need to be up against the adjoining wall. Yes, I can hear you constantly yelling at your kids through the wall, despite never hearing a peep from the previous neighbours.

Why are you so loud? You talk to each other at the tops of your voices. You both seem to make all your phone calls in the garden, again at the tops of your voices.

You go to your wheely bin what sounds like 12 times a day and slam the lid of it every time. It makes my dogs bark and pisses me off.

Neither of you are deaf so why shout all the time. Also your 6 year old daughter now also shouts all the time (when she is not screaming and screeching).

Oh and you (the woman) sound like old man Steptoe coughing his guts up every day and you are only 29. For goodness sake stop smoking or at least cut down. You must be out there smoking at least 15 times a day

Continuing to build your summer house at the moment is NOT necessary.
We know you are still having tradesmen in to do it even if you get them to park round the corner

Stop having sex in 2 minute bursts. You keep doing it when I least expect it. I would appreciate if you would just do it once a day for longer, then at least I know it's over and done with.

Get rid of the copious amounts of wind chimes from your garden ffs, you are not a hippy commune, and it's nice to hear the birds now and again without all the jingle jangle

Get rid of the copious amounts of wind chimes from your garden ffs, you are not a hippy commune, and it's nice to hear the birds now and again without all the jingle jangle
You have my full sympathy.
Wind chimes are a nuisance and far from calming.