Can I have a rant /moan?
My fucking ankle is wrecking due to me being sensible and going for a long walk today.
I spilt all my pens over my pens and spent ages picking them up.
WiFi in my lodgings is shite, particularly with landlady working from home and her son on his laptop all day. Trying to watch my smart TV of an evening is so fucking frustrating.
Landlady's son is in shower at this time of night rendering bathroom unusable for 40mins. He also likes to play his guitar at 2am. Yet when I talk a little loudly on my phone at midnight he has his mum come and speak to me. Twat.
Man on bus (with can of lafer) sits directly behind me despite there being loads of seats. When I move I'm called a stupid cow.
A kinda friend calling me paranoid for doing social distancing. He informs me that he is still seeing friends etc, that covid is exaggerated and it won't affect him so he's carrying on as usual.
Said friend saying he felt lonely etc so I sent him links to wattaapp recovery groups and zoom na meetings. He's completely ignored them and is still seeing his friend.
My dad making me feel guilty for not ringing me on my birthday - I thought he ought to have called me but no I was being funny and could have rang.
Work still texting about work stuff even though I'm on annual leave for a week.
A bit of work equipment still not turned up. It was being sent last week and without it I cannot access work emails or networks. I'm having to do reports etc from home 3x a week and schlep to the office 2x week to check emails and action stuff. Which means a bus journey. I could really do without the risk.
Being expected to be brimming with gratitude. Yes I have a job and no I'm not unwell. I don't think that's thr gold standard of life to be honest and yes I am grateful. I'm also frustrated and pissed off at being kept in, annoyed with an incompetent government who seem content to keep is all caged in and to spend billions of pounds doing so, am frustrated and upset and pissed off in general. But I'm not allowed to voice or even feel that because 'I'm lucky'. Unless you work for the NHS you're fucked. I went to the supermarket after work the. Other day wearing my lanyard, after doing a full day plus ridiculous time spent travelling due to reduced services. The guy saw my lanyard and asked if I was NHS, I said no probation and he nodded as if to say stay in the queue. NHS are applauded (quite rightly), they're clapped but given inadequate supplies and are treated like heroes. Which yes they are, but they also chose the job just like I did mine. I'd be embarrassed if someone clapped for me for doing my job!
People saying lockdown is relaxing. They can't work so spending time with kids and they're grateful to slow down. Ffs there families out there who are unemployed and struggling to feed their kids yet you're posting saying how great life is.
A guy in an online na meeting visibly rolling his eyes and sighing when I was crying during my share and opening up about past trauma, how it's affected me and how I felt as a child. That one made me angry. And the deadpan 'thanks madein'. Only 2 people in the meeting aid thank you nicely and sincerely. I've heard so many women sya they'd never share so openly in mixed meetings as men don't empathise and now I realise why
I miss my team so much. I miss my service users more and really worry for them. Lots of them will have lost their jobs and be struggling to feed their families. With the reduced police response atm ad they're busy fining Joe public for sunbathing, it'd be very tempting for them to offend again. Many of them have so so much to lose and I hope to god they stay strong. I worry about them feeding themselves. I worry about the substance abusers relapsing, particularly those I've not been able to get in touch with. I worry about alcohol intake increasing and I worry about domestic violence rising. They have all the same worries we have. It's really hard to stay professional on the phone when they're flapping and you hear the panic and you feel that way too.
Feel so pissed off when na person who's lapsed more times than I can count, and is 2days clean atm, tells me I'm doing recovery wrong and need to ring more people and do x, y and z or ill lapse. When they say I should ditch my subutex script and use lockdown as an opportunity to do my rattle. When I refuse they say I'm basically signing my death warrant. And that addiction is more serious than csrona.