Anyone else want a No Judgement rant thread?

[31weeksgone]

This fucking sucks.

The whole thing bloody sucks. We’re in a house, with no garden, with a very “active” 4 year old.

Every single day before lockdown we would be out at the farm/beach/park when not at nursery and work.

DP is a key worker (as was I before I had to stay home to look after her, and started a degree) so whilst I get everyone sacrificing themselves and I’m really grateful, sometimes you need a place to just bloody vent So please don’t jump on me for this.

Stuck at home. With no garden or any outdoor space in this lovely weather, watching everyone out the window enjoying their gardens, with a “D”P I properly hate and was in the process of leaving. I don’t want to feel grateful 24/7 that we’re safe at home, I’m not grateful I’m stuck in, and I want to wallow for 20 minutes without having to be gracious 😡😡

Want to shake anyone who preaches not to go for a walk and to stay home. You’re allowed out for a walk!! It seems none of my neighbours know this the looks I’m getting, I also have to take food to my parents an hour away so no doubt I look dodgy driving away once a week for a few hours.

I was so looking forward to my last summer with my daughter before she started school. Now it’s this.

Anyone else want to rant/wallow/have a pity party please join my thread. No judgement here

I'm up for this.
We were in the process of leaving our house and moving from a one bed to a two bed. I was learning to drive. Partner was getting a new job. I have struggled severely with my mental health and stupidly thought things were getting better. Then this. A pandemic! Its almost funny if it wasn't so serious. We've lost our home. Have nowhere to go. Applied for somewhere at the estate agent forgot to forward our details so we haven't got it. Applied for UC it's going to take a long time. We are going to have to move in with family. I am so upset and I honestly dont think I'm going to be able to cope. I've been on the edge before, I feel even further than that already. It's hard to find a point anymore when everything you've been working towards has been lost, and I'm letting down my 5 month old baby... I feel cruel for bringing her into this world.

I thought I'd be furloughed but I've been made redundant instead.
There's virtually no job market, I'm 53 and a single parent.
Once the job market re opens there will be loads of competition much younger than me.
My employer has been generous but only if I agree to Voluntary Redundancy.
Today DD has done my head in. She won't leave the dog alone. All day I've been warning her if she doesn't stop messing with him he will turn on her.
That has just happened, she is crying but it's her own fault. She's 11 and thinks she knows everything.
Also found out yesterday my twat of an HX hasn't been social distancing when DD has been at his. He's had visitors and let her play with the kid next door!
My landlord text me yesterday to say a neighbour had complained my front garden was untidy, granted the grass needs cutting but I usually pay somebody to do as I have painful arthritis, but they are currently ill so can't do it. I've adopted my street postcode and been fetching shopping and prescriptions plus all sorts of phone queries from my elderly neighbours, one of which it turns out is the one who complained about the garden!
Not my week...

so sorry you’re having crappy times too x

Its crap and I feel for everyone having a tough time. This thread has made me feel a little better about feeling so deflated, but it's also cheered me a little to see everyone being so kind.

I am still working (key worker) out unit is understaffed and because iys a LA facility it's being used now as a post Covid unit. Its busy and we are understaffed because so many are shielding. I am having to do extra shifts to pay for a holiday that I now probably wont be going on but cannot stop paying because otherwise I will lose what I have already paid. I was looking forward to it so much as were the kids.

My STBXH is being an absolute tool. Luckily DS1 is home from university so he can watch DS2 and DD while I am at work. DS2 has severe SN and is struggling without school and DD is anxious and her eczema is flaring up. Next week I have to juggle home school and work.

But we have a garden so I know we are luckier than some, and I am.binhe rewatching Greys which cheers me up.

for us all.

My nan has passed away today, and it's my sons 5th birthday.

I'm struggling to keep it together but have to or else what other option is there. I want to go see my dad to hug him. I want to go be with my family. I want things to just be normal.

I keep having to to tell myself to be grateful that my children are healthy and happy and that me and DH are healthy and have secure jobs etc but at the moment it's little solace.

This lockdown for me has just become a leaden weight in my chest every day

Sorry, my post was rather sombre.

What gets me though is I haven't seen my parents in 4 weeks and right now we really could do with it.

And then I see neighbours and 'friends' flouting the rules to suit them and it makes me so angry. I just want to scream at them!

I’m sorry so many people are having such a crappy time. @dyscalculicgal96 - could you email PALS to ask if you could have a phone appointment for your DS if you think it would be helpful? (Not being able to do spiro & FeNO plus no physical exam might limit usefulness but obviously being able to discuss any changes/concerns & get medication reviewed accordingly is always useful. Have they a nursing team you can ring for advice?) Most of mine have been cancelled but I‘d a phone appointment with neurology about my epilepsy (in time slot meant to be about something else, but as they can’t physically examine me & waiting until June to discuss my brain being ridiculous wasn’t exactly ideal, Excellent Plan). Bit frustrated gastro just cancelled with no new appointment in sight - but then when (as a result of said cancellation) I had to arrange supply of red drug from them secretary tried to insist I don’t exist & then tried to refuse to have prescription delivered to me despite my being in the shielding group. But then this is the department where last year their failure to stick to the “just have your GP refer you back to us if there are any issues” plan led to my spending most of the summer in hospital (after a spell of starting to go blind from malnutrition) so

Trying to sort food deliveries has been a nightmare. Somehow the one supermarket I registered with AFTER all this kicked off has put me on priority delivery list - but not any of the 4 I was registered with before. I think they may have been foxed by a different email address. Same (very unusual) name & address etc obviously. I’m vegan by choice but also have allergies (some life-threatening) so feel safer shopping at the supermarket I use most. And that does feel a bit Princessy/complaining about my diamond shoes at the moment & I am grateful to be able to get shopping at all, but...

Thing I’m really at point of Sticking Straws In Hair over though is not being able to arrange to get my portacath flushed & heplocked (needs doing every month). It was put in at the end of December & so far has been managed during hospital admissions so I’ve not actually had to go to department responsible for it. It was meant to be done at the end of March but by then I was shielding. Apparently none of the District Nurses are qualified to access/deaccess ports so can’t take on managing it. IV Access Team at hospital only visit addresses SUPER close to it & have suggested I just go in. Said hospital is in a Covid-19 hotspot & full of Covid-19 patients. Nurse from team responsible for managing my port has made it clear in conversation she doesn’t understand difference between high risk group & shielding group, so that’s another dimension of fun. I made a [phone] appointment with a GP last week as was concerned that not heard anything after emailing practice (at my GP’s request) at the start of the month & my haemophilia nurse emailing a week after that. Emails hadn’t been attached to my notes, so seems likely my GP hadn’t seen them. GP I spoke to contacted haematology at my local hospital to ask them to ask if their IV Team has an outreach team...

Given ports are commonly used for chemo & shielding group is full of people not currently having chemo, I cannot be the only person needing port management who can’t go to hospital for it. If it gets blocked I’m absolutely stuffed. Auruggk.

(And now I will shut up because that’s long & boring & terribly self-indulgent. I hope everyone has the least-bad day possible if they can’t have an actively good one.)

My rant:

I’m fed up of trying to help my grandmother, mother, and sister with everything . I want to turn the phone off, turn FaceTime off, and cry .

I’m so fucking fat that I’m at high risk (bmi 42) which is making me feel horrendously guilty but also like some sort of massive whale . I’ve never felt so awful about myself .

Hospital have cancelled all my appointments meaning I’m more likely to need a urostomy in the future for problems that could have been fixed . I’m devastated .

I’m spending all bloody day watching shitty TV, crying, eating and considering drinking too as anything would be better than this .

Helping them with everything as in food, medications, emotional help (5 x a day with granny, 24:7 with mum and 1 x 2 hours a day with sister), all have disabilities or additional needs or just very elderly . No other family have phoned more Than once .