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Original poster

I have just finished bullying my 7 year old son

199 replies

LaCitrouille · 02/04/2020 16:20

I’m feeling like the most awful mother on earth at the moment. My 7 year old used to be a star. A textbook good boy. Always praised by friends and teachers. He’s turning into a nightmare recently. Told someone in school last month that He will punch them in the face! When the teacher rang I was shocked and sick of what I heard. His behaviour is deteriorating and the terrible attitudes are showing up every day.

I’ve been trying to analyse and find a different way to correct his behaviour, I’m listening to all videos and podcasts on positive parenting. Whenever I’m out I’m always getting him a treat to encourage the good behaviour. Made time to play with him and spend quality time. Lots and lots of praise and compliments. I have another 1.5 year old who’s really really hard work too. I still didn’t recover from PND and I push myself to keep calm and not yell. But I do . I yell a lot. I hate myself for it. I grew up in an abusive household and I DO NOT WANT the same for my children. I should be in control and should stay calm, but why I’m not.

Yesterday I was feeding my toddler and I knew there are so many chores that need to be done, I sat my DS for 15 mins and told him that He will need to do the SPaG set by the teacher, reminded him about all the necessary rules, locked the door so his brother doesn’t disturb him. I kept on asking if he’s finding it accessible and him telling me yes. 90 minutes after, I found he did only 1 page. There are 7 more. He doesn’t care. He went on online games instead as I’ve already deleted all the games on the iPad. I yelled and screamed and went upstairs crying for a good 30 minutes. Why the hell can’t I just put him in time out rather than ruining the rest of my day?

He came up and apologised to me non stop. He wrote a letter telling me that he will focus and do the school work and and and ... Today we checked and the teacher set him 10 pages of maths, 6 Spag and 2 writings... all accessible and fair for his level. I reminded him about his promise and sat next to him while entertaining his little brother. He worked and answered the full page speedily. I left him with his dad who works at night and needs to rest so he can barely look after DS2 and is generally crap at homework anyway. I went out for a walk and walked in the supermarket, when I got back I found out that he did literally nothing! I was hoping that he’d finish the maths at least then we can have a break and do something fun. I lost my shit! I discovered that he can go on the App Store and download the deleted games without a password. I told him that I’m so disappointed and definitely not proud of him. I told him that I wish such and such were my children instead. I was mean and rude and awful. I told him that he’s a liar and a sneaky one. I said horrible things now my ears are about the explode. I’m disgusted of myself. He cried a lot but I carried on and on and now I regret it and I don’t know how to repair the damage.

OP posts:
CoronaIsComing · 02/04/2020 16:39

Oh wait I missed the smacking. That tops it all.

Daet · 02/04/2020 16:39

Oh yes - I meant to say as well - when you do start him on his homework again, you need to be with him and not leave him to it. Unless he’s unusually focused for a 7yr old he will get distracted, wonder what you’re up to with his sibling, push the boundaries a bit etc.

Chiyo666 · 02/04/2020 16:41

You locked him in a room?! That’s disgusting.

TheQueef · 02/04/2020 16:41

You need help.
You need to tell your GP what is happening and accept help.

MangoesAreMyFavourite · 02/04/2020 16:42

Do not try the homework again untill you are sure you are able to behave.

And then do it one page at a time and no more than 10 minutes at a time. Supervised with you in the room.
If you feel yourself getting angry, get up and leave the room.

If you can't control yourself I have no idea how you expect a 7 year old to control himself.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 02/04/2020 16:42

You sound like you put a lot of pressure on him, maybe he’s acting out because he’s sick of it?
My dd 8 has only been doing about half the set work and I’m fine with that - when she starts getting upset we have a break. She’s bright and I’m confident she’ll pick up where she left off.

told him that I wish such and such were my children instead. I was mean and rude and awful. I told him that he’s a liar and a sneaky one. I said horrible things

I’m sorry OP, I know you’re feeling wretched and this is a stressful time but these are awful things to say to your child. You need to tell him you were wrong to say those things and that you love him. And don’t act like that again - there’s no excuse. Also I think the head ringing you about a 7yo boy threatening to punch someone is a bit of an overreaction - I wouldn’t take that too much to heart as long as it doesn’t become a regular occurrence. The school sounds like quite a pressurised one - is it private?
You do sound like you are struggling in general and maybe taking it out on your ds? It’s a difficult time, don’t be too hard on yourself. Your mental health will have a huge impact on your dc’s so try to be as positive and cheerful as you can. Schoolwork isn’t the most important thing at the moment, getting through this unscathed is.

Daet · 02/04/2020 16:42

Where does op say she smacked him? Or was “snack” a typo for “smack”?

Iggly · 02/04/2020 16:42

He has been a little shit and from the comment you made about his behaviour at school this isn't new behaviour due to lockdown. If you grovel for forgiveness he will see only that you were wrong, and he was right

At the age of 7, he’s behaving this way because of his parents.

Original poster
LaCitrouille · 02/04/2020 16:43

Thank you for your replies. I admit I deserve all the harsh criticism. I didn’t lock him in his room for 90 mins. I should’ve worded that better. He was sat in the dining room and I closed the door on him so he can work without having to snatch the iPad back from his little brother every 2 seconds. The door of the dining room is glass and I was having my eyes on him most of the time while doing the housework. He can watch us and we can watch him too.

OP posts:
Syncrows · 02/04/2020 16:43

She needs a bit of self control, I think GPS have better things to do at the moment than deal with screeching, violent, abusive mothers.

youwouldthink · 02/04/2020 16:45

Wow...you locked a 7yo into a room for 90 mins and then when he played games on ipad rather than schoolwork you screamed and shouted at him. The poor little guy then wrote you the sorry letter?????? Then you repeat today and smacked him!! I don't care what you feel your excuses are this it unacceptable and its abuse!

Weregoingonanadventure · 02/04/2020 16:46

I dont know where to begin.

You expected him to work for 90 minutes straight? You do realise they dont even do that in school. The worksheets are split up with break time, playtime, teacher presentations, class discussion etc. But you left him alone for an hour and a half... and expected the work done? Are you stupid?

A 7 year old needs attention during their work. One worksheet then a chat about the next part. A bit of interaction.
After your atrocious parenting with the homework, you then unloaded on him like a maniac. What you did and said it totally out of order. You sound like you're out of control and in need of help.

Leave the poor child alone.

TruckStopTrash · 02/04/2020 16:47

You smacked him, screamed at him, and locked him in the room?

Gave him a 'snack' wasn't it?

Lordfrontpaw · 02/04/2020 16:48

Snack.

Syncrows · 02/04/2020 16:48

I think it was smack. I can’t see this woman calmly giving him some food to ensure he isn’t hungry then screaming.

isabellerossignol · 02/04/2020 16:49

He has been a little shit and from the comment you made about his behaviour at school this isn't new behaviour due to lockdown. If you grovel for forgiveness he will see only that you were wrong, and he was right

7 year olds aren't little shits though are they? They are emotionally immature and still learning. If his mother is treating him like this it's no wonder he is confused.

CodenameVillanelle · 02/04/2020 16:49

STOP
Stop trying to get him to do homework. Just stop.

Original poster
LaCitrouille · 02/04/2020 16:49

I didn’t go out for over a week now. Today I went out after feeling so low yesterday. My DH works at night and When he’s home he’s understandably tired and just wants to sleep. I do everything myself with the children

Where did I say smack? I gave him a snack - cheese sandwich.

OP posts:
AllTheseThingsThatIHaveNotDone · 02/04/2020 16:50

Hi OP
I was a screaming banshee last week cracking the whip to try and get classwork from two kids, one of whom is neurodiverse and only one computer. The classwork was getting done but the house wasn't and we were just shrieking a lot - I realised that this was not how I wanted end of days to be and that it was not worth it in the current circumstances...we have taken this week at our pace and will catch up over the next couple. My priorities right now are to keep my kids safe not put them in a vulnerable category by being borderline abusive in a bid to keep on top of their work. Nobody wants that.
Have a sit down, have a cup of tea, explain how stressed you are but that you were wrong in acting as you did and take ten minutes just to be.
Cake Brew Wine Chocolate

Syncrows · 02/04/2020 16:50

Oh that’s OK then OP, you screamed at him and verbally floored him but you didn’t smack him.

Fucking, fucking hell.

Evilspiritgin · 02/04/2020 16:51

Poor kid, he will remember you saying those things to him.

Herpesfreesince03 · 02/04/2020 16:51

This poor child has no chance. You seriously expect a 7 year old to sit quietly and do hours of work unsupervised? My children are 11 and 9. We get up and sit at the kitchen table together. I’ll sit with them with a cup of tea and a book, they do for 45 minutes of written work then have a 30 minute break in between, where they’ll have drinks and snacks and we’ll often do something practical like cooking, gardening or just play board games. I know everyone’s in a bad mood nowadays and we’re not all natural teachers, but your expectations are wrong and like someone said, you’re setting him up to fail. And there’s losing your temper and being fucking evil, which what you said is. I promise you he’ll never forget those words as long as he lives

melissasummerfield · 02/04/2020 16:52

Jesus christ some of the ‘dont be hard on yourself’ replies on this make me sick.

Do be hard on yourself because you are mentally abusing a 7 year old and also the toddler who is watching all this screaming and shouting going on.

Get a grip of yourself and understand how difficult this huge change in lifestyle is for your poor son, without you tormenting him.

I have a 7yo and there is no way he is going to sit unattended for 90 mins doing homework fgs.

oakleaffy · 02/04/2020 16:52

Never, ever say 'I wish such and such were my children instead'....Such comments can run deep barbs into the emotions of children.
Crying is also very emotionally manipulative. Not fair on a child who is only seven, poor kid.
Do the homework with him, helping and encouraging him. Please don't imprison him in his room.

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 02/04/2020 16:52

Do you think his teacher shits him in a room alone to get through 10npages of work?..... Eh, no.
He is 7. You don't want to take any responsibility and help your child Di his work, so why should he take it seriously, and when he doesn't you verbally and physically abuse him?
I think your child's change in behavior is down to your attitude. PND is not a reason to abuse your child.