To have to run so I can eat Sunday roast?

[Jellywormy]

No doubt posters will link this to other threads and be mean, but posting as really upset.

We are going to family for Sunday roast tonight and my husband has just had a go at me and said it’s unhealthy and worrying that I have to go for a run to allow myself to eat Sunday roast.

Am I being unreasonable? I would just feel so anxious if I ate a big meal and pudding without having offset it somehow.

Feeling vulnerable so please be kind

I’m a decent-ish runner to a respectable club level, and run ALOT. The issue is your attitude. I eat a tonne because I run and need the fuel, I don’t run to earn the fuel.
The fact you couldn’t otherwise have a roast because of your anxiety is worrying.

If you are adjusting your intake to your TDEE, which you've calculated with a certain amount of activity, then it's totally normal to ensure you do actually do the exercise

It's also totally normal to joke that you run for wine/cake/pizza

It's ok to balance food and exercise so you maintain areasonabky consistent and healthy weight.

What would not be OK is using exercise to facilitate dysfunctional eating. Is it possible that your DH is concerned on those grounds?

Nothing wrong with trying to achieve a balance and being aware, but the idea that you have to do X amount of exercise before you're allowed dinner is a disordered thought process.

Do you do this with any other food?

Is your husband always such a twat?
If you fancy a run, go for a run.
If you fancy a roast, eat the roast.
And what exactly is unhealthy about meat and vegetables? You don't have to eat a plate of Yorkshire pudding and potatoes you know.
What else does your husband say to you?

@BaronessBomburst
I think you’ve totally missed the point of the thread 🤷‍♀️

There are a lot of calories in a Sunday roast and pudding so unless you are running half marathon distance then you won't offset it. On the other hand it seems reasonable to me to offset it a little bit at least.

I am saying that though knowing I have disordered thinking about running and food.

People do need to exercise more and actually burn the calories they eat, but your DH is right to be concerned if you won't allow yourself to enjoy your food unless you've run.

@TrebleBadger You don't get it. There is a reason she is feeling vulnerable about admitting that she has to run before she can eat.

People don’t need to burn the calories they eat. They should burn calories for health reasons. To offset their EXTRA calories.

I would do the same OP but I'm in recovery for anorexia. Would I be wrong to think you may be in a similar position?

YABU to think so thoroughly about your calorie intake/expenditure unless you're a pro athlete in training. It's Sunday; you can eat the roast dinner and run tomorrow.

I exercise a lot, I use that to offset the food I eat because I can't bring myself to calorie count. If you're exercising regularly you don't need to have anxiety about a meal.

Sorry no, I don't have any real experience with eating disorders I'm afraid.
And I'm not one to diagnose a random on the internet

I read 'have to run' as 'want to run'

If I didn't run. I'd still eat what I felt like.

If OP, you couldn't possibly let any of that roast pass your lips without running then I'm afraid I have no understanding of that and would probably listen to loved ones rather than people on the internet

I have to go for a run to allow myself to eat Sunday roast

Look at your choice of phrasing, I can only assume that the posters saying they can’t see an issue or suggesting you restrict your portion sizes are clearly missing the massive red flags in that sentence. Specifically ‘have to’ and ‘allow’. Also the OP saying I would just feel so anxious if she didn’t do it. It is unhealthy/disordered thinking and no doubt the tip of the iceberg. I’d be worried too if I were him.

Do you have a history of eating disorders OP & why mention other threads, have you posted about similar before?

@treblebadger she said she'd feel anxious about eating a two course meal if she didn't run. That's not running for enjoyment.

Are you anxious about the social situation the calories or something else?

Your husband has voiced a concern in maybe a shitty way. Try and talk to him later to let him know it upset you and get him to open up if he is worried about you

One meal out will not bust your zip. Enjoy the meal xx

(& I have been trained to spot the signs - both physically and in terms of how someone presents in the way they discuss food/eating etc, if you had said that to me in discussion IRL I would think the same, it’s not a random assumption)

That is true @GiveHerHellFromUs. For anyone who read my post previously i absolutely loved the exercise it wasn't so much a chore for me! If it's a chore OP then you may be making yourself unhappy!

It's a bit confusing tbh. I had to read the op twice because I thought the DH was the one saying the meal was unhealthy and that OP would have to go for a run. But I think based on other responses that OP is worried the meal is unhealthy and that she must run in order to justify eating it, and the DH is concerned this isn't normal thinking about food.

If that's the case I think he's right - this isn't a healthy attitude to have and sounds possibly disordered. Running is fine, calorie counting is fine, but anxiety about not having done a run in order to eat a meal is not healthy and I would be concerned about you if you were my friend/loved one.

@roarfeckingroar no history of ED (sending love to you) but do have habit of being a little obsessive with eating healthily and exercising when really stressed. For context, I’m at low end of healthy weight for my height.

I do extra kettlebells at weekend so I can eat extra. You are not being unreasonable

Let’s be fair, yours is not a normal attitude.

Worrying about it, ‘allowing’ the roast etc and the anxiety is all worrying. It’s different when people chose to do some extra exercise to burn off some calories as part of their healthy life style but it crosses a line if you start thinking you have to exercise to ‘allow’ and ‘justify’ a meal. It might be worth thinking about if you have issues around eating. Your husband could be a lot more sensitive though

Hmm, I knew you'd get loads of people telling you how unhealthy it is but I used to be like that. I'd even do 10-15km runs on Christmas Day. Was the healthiest, happiest and slimmest I have ever been. I'd love to be like that again.

I think it’s normal! I run 3 times a week because I love my food and don’t want to restrict it.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being considered about your diet and your exercise. I like to exercise every day, it makes me feel strong and fit. I also like to eat well 95% of the time.

However, it can go too far, where you deny yourself something because you haven’t ‘earnt’ it. A roast on a Sunday is not going to make you wake up obese on Monday. It is a decadent meal, but if you’re generally healthy and active, it is absolutely fine.

Exercise guilt is very real and needs to be kept in proportion. You wouldn’t bash out 20 miles to earn a Christmas dinner would you? So if you want to run before your meal, do, but don’t do it so you can eat. And if you don’t run, don’t beat yourself up for it.

The run is fine
The anxiety if you didn’t run is not

That is the unhealthy part