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Original poster

Do you get sad that you aren't young anymore?

127 replies

Borkins · 26/02/2020 09:22

I'm 41 and life in many ways is better for me than 20 years ago. Yet I can't help having spells of overwhelming sadness that I'm not young anymore. It's ridiculous I know and 40s is not old and I get that every year is a privilege not afforded to everyone.

Yet I see that society values youthful looks. At my age you project more of a mature, mum image. Which is what I am of course but I'm also fiesty, passionate, sexual, silly etc

OP posts:

MakeupSyrup · 26/02/2020 09:24

I see that society values youthful looks

Do you watch a lot of TV and spend time on social media? They could skew your perception of life.

I'm 27 and I don't feel that way. I don't even make an effort with my look, as a mum. I'm very plain and don't give a crap

Original poster

Borkins · 26/02/2020 09:25

Yes too much time on social media I'll admit!

OP posts:

Prudemaybe · 26/02/2020 09:28

Yes I do. Am 51. At 41 you still are young (I realise that now ).

On the other hand I look fine (I think!), I am capable and strong, love life (though have a depressive tendency which I am trying to deal with) and am grateful to be here.

BigusBumus · 26/02/2020 09:30

I'm 47 and I get sad too sometimes. I still look a lot younger and sometimes get a bit of a shock how others see me. For instance the girl who does my nails is 26, I tend to see myself, ridiculously probably as not a lot older than her. The other day she referred to her mum and me in the same kind of bracket about something (age wise). I didn't flinch but I was a little taken aback that she views me like she views her mum. Made me a bit sad. Not for long, just fleetingly.

Gingernaut · 26/02/2020 09:30

Yes

I wish it was possible to have another go with the knowledge I've accumulated over the years.

SnuggyBuggy · 26/02/2020 09:31

Sometimes. I missed out on a lot during my 20s due to my living situation and sometimes feel sad that I'll never get that time back.

literalsunshine · 26/02/2020 09:31

I'm devastated I'm going to be 31 in a couple of months as I think I'll feel so much older than I do now at 30.

DDIJ · 26/02/2020 09:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

wizzywig · 26/02/2020 09:34

Mentally i feel better/ stronger/ more sass than i did in my 20s and 30s (am now in my 40s). However, i dont get the looks from men that i used to, i miss that.

Damntheman · 26/02/2020 09:35

I'm 35 and I often look back on photos from my early twenties and feel like I could have experienced more if I'd been less self conscious. Can't believe I ever felt less than slim at that age, but I did! Of course then I do my very best to remind myself that I'll be doing the same thing in 10 years time with photos of myself now so I'm trying really hard to remember I'm still young, I'm pretty healthy and fit right now, enjoy it! It's a tough thing to achieve though, media and society haven't done us women any favours with the values they project as important.

OneToThree · 26/02/2020 09:37

Nope. The older I get the happier I am.
Happier at work than at school.
Happier as a SAHM than working.
Happier now the kids are 13 and 9 rather than babies and toddlers.

YorkieTheRabbit · 26/02/2020 10:04

No. I’m 52, and I feel far more content than 30 years ago
My age has never bothered me as it’s far better than the alternative
The menopause and odd aches and pains, I could do without but generally, nothing to worry about.

BoudoirPink · 26/02/2020 10:07

No. 47 and liking life more than I did two decades ago. But I never use social media Mn is the closest I get and I am not particularly interested in what anyone else thinks of me.

DMCWelshcakes · 26/02/2020 10:15

Nope. I'm the same age as you and bloody love it. I finally feel like me.

beckywiththeshithair37 · 26/02/2020 10:18

I feel sad that I didn't do more with my youth and didn't look after myself better. Lots of missed opportunities and far too much alcohol and bad food. I definitely respect my health and my body a lot more now.

I don't feel sad about not being young, I miss some of the things I did and I suppose it's a bit depressing edging ever closer to death but otherwise I'm quite happy...if regretful.

Untrained · 26/02/2020 10:22

I'll be 41 in just over a month and I feel old and worn out. I can see very little good things in my future just everyone I love getting old and dying.

FruityWidow · 26/02/2020 10:22

I'm not bothered about looking older, I've had a head full of grey hair since I was about 30 and I feel much more sure about myself than I did in my early 20's. But I don't like the aches and pains that come with old age. My hips and lower back can get quite painful when I'm out for a long ish walk and I had to use a walking stick. I'm only 35.

tyrannid · 26/02/2020 10:22

mid-40s here and like @Damntheman I do feel I missed out when younger because I was so self-conscious. I have looked back at old diaries and feel very sad that I thought at 7.5 stone I was overweight and trying to diet and so restricted myself because of feeling fat. I settled down too early and didn't really live a more carefree life like I could have done.

Sometimes I still feel really young and then something reminds me that these people are more than 20 years younger than me and are young adults! Totally agree with @Gingernaut, being able to be in my 20s but knowing what I do now would be awesome.

BoudoirPink · 26/02/2020 10:48

But I don't like the aches and pains that come with old age. My hips and lower back can get quite painful when I'm out for a long ish walk and I had to use a walking stick. I'm only 35.

But you're 35 -- nowhere near 'old age'! There must be some actual condition causing this. I'm 47, walk a lot and don't experience this. Have you had it checked out?

LowbrowVictoriana · 26/02/2020 10:51

I don't feel sad about not being young, I miss some of the things I did and I suppose it's a bit depressing edging ever closer to death but otherwise I'm quite happy...if regretful.

Becky I could have written your post, word for word!

I’m 51 now, and don’t care about being or looking older. It happens to everyone... if they’re lucky! I regret not making more of my time here and there, or living more healthily and don’t like being closer to death, but otherwise I’m good.
I also have a lot more money now!

sittingonacornflake · 26/02/2020 10:53

Yes I totally get this!!

I'm 31 and absolutely adored life up until about 21 then it went downhill to 29 when I got out of an abusive relationship. I'm now so much happier but I feel devastated at the loss of my 20s and now I'm a single parent of a toddler I grieve for the time I wasted being with a twat when I could have been out living life. I also feel overwhelming sad when I think back to my life pre age 21 and how amazing it was and all the time I spent with so many people I am now barely in contact with. I sometimes long to be sat in a field with my friends at college on our lunch break so much my heart aches. Or just little memories of my teenage years. I know it's rose tinted glasses in some respects. But being a mum now makes me reflect on my own childhood and I yearn for it. But I AM happy now. I love life with my son. And I enjoy being that bit older and wiser. It's so weird and conflicting I don't understand it.

TheBlueStocking · 26/02/2020 11:00

Yes, I feel sad about getting old. I've got arthritis, which means I'm in a lot of pain. It also makes me very tired. And not just that - I look old in the face. I was considered very attractive in my twenties and it's been tough seeing a different face in the mirror. I don't recognise myself, to be honest.

That said, I wouldn't want to be young again in anything other than looks and fitness.

Meruem · 26/02/2020 11:03

I'm 50 and I wouldn't go back to being 25 for anything. There is so much pressure on young people now. There is so much emphasis on looks, selfies, social media etc. It seems harder work wise too, lots of 0 hours contracts. So much more competitive to try and get any kind of career and very few jobs are "for life" now. Owning a home will be out of reach for most. Even relationships seem harder now. That's without adding all the problems in the UK and globally. No, I'm glad I'm old! It means I am already sorted in life and can just ignore a lot of the issues.

BarkandCheese · 26/02/2020 11:05

I'm 48, I don't give a stuff about my ageing looks. I've always been average looking and never liked the male gaze or being the centre of attention, so the invisibility of middle age is something I actively enjoy.

What I don't like is the feeling I'm running out of time. I'm probably already over half way through my life and I haven't really done much with it. I always thought I'd make my mark, do something special or interesting, but I haven't and realistically won't now.

CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate · 26/02/2020 11:06

I'm aging badly. I have an underactive thyroid and fibromyalgia and am heading towards chronic fatigue.

Hitting peri-menopause was the catalyst for the sudden acceleration in symptoms and decline. I do find myself feeling quite low that I'm no longer youthful ( by that I mean pain and symptom free really) with my effortless size 8 figure (I cannot excercise without paying for it later) and actually suddenly feel much much older due to constant pain and stiffness.

There are 60 year old women with more energy and va va boom than I have. It sucks. I'm hating my 40s physically. However I am wiser. That bit I like a lot.

Also I really thought all the 'angst' would be gone. But no. Still get very anxious at times. None of this 'things roll off me' attitude that older people swear by.

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