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Original poster

Do you get sad that you aren't young anymore?

127 replies

Borkins · 26/02/2020 09:22

I'm 41 and life in many ways is better for me than 20 years ago. Yet I can't help having spells of overwhelming sadness that I'm not young anymore. It's ridiculous I know and 40s is not old and I get that every year is a privilege not afforded to everyone.

Yet I see that society values youthful looks. At my age you project more of a mature, mum image. Which is what I am of course but I'm also fiesty, passionate, sexual, silly etc

OP posts:

AdoptedBumpkin · 27/02/2020 17:05

I miss being younger sometimes. I also miss the 90s as a time to be alive. Simpler times.

ThunderPython · 27/02/2020 17:11

Sorry haven't rtft but just wanted to add my thoughts. I'm also 41. I would hate to be young again, all the angst and not knowing what the future holds but knowing that somehow it involved a career, possibly marriage, babies, debt. Then the social aspect if navigating friendships and romances, being hurt time and again. I don't think I could go through it again.

I'm quite happy to allow the youth their fun and experiences and be happy that I have some lovely memories but the rest is thankfully done and dusted.

I'm happier now than I've ever been and societies desire to favour youth and beauty doesn't bother me, I'm happy with who I am for the first time in my life.

fussychica · 27/02/2020 17:30

I'm 63 so know it's all downhill now it's just how fast and how long is the road

The body is holding up pretty well so far, long may that continue, but the face not so much. I don't get hung up about it and have never had any botox, fillers etc
Married 40 years, enjoyed our child free years but very happy when DS turned up in our mid 30s. Gave up work and moved abroad in my mid 40s and experienced a totally different life. Back in the UK now but still travel a lot.

Each decade has given me great new experiences and I hope that continues. I sometimes miss looking young but am constantly grateful that I'm fit and active and can enjoy the lifestyle I want.

Buddywoo · 27/02/2020 18:04

I am 73 and felt, as many of you do, that youth had gone at 30 and at 40 I was old. That I can now see was absolute rubbish. I was at my best lookswise between 35 and 45 and at my happiest in my 60's. Enjoy what you have now.

ssd · 27/02/2020 18:07

I'm mid 50s and I get sad that I'm getting older and ill never see my mum and dad again. I'll never see my youthful figure either but I can live with that.

TheYearOfTheDog · 27/02/2020 18:09

Yes and no. Im 49 so less young than you!
I wasted a lot of time and didcso many stupid things. It is not just wanting to be young but also awareness of a parallel universe where i didnt self sabotage every aspect of my life til i was forty.

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 27/02/2020 18:34

I get sad about it, but not because of how I look (I get told I look years younger) but for the fact that life has somehow passed me by and that it's already too late for some things.

Funnyface1 · 27/02/2020 18:42

Not in the least. My sister died at 41. She left behind a 5 year old. She loved her life and would have done anything she could to save it.

I am grateful for every birthday and every year I get to see my kids grow up. I'm so aware of how special life is and how quickly it can be lost. I'm mid 30's.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 27/02/2020 19:21

Totally agree @Funnyface1. We have no idea what's around the corner so it's best to push on and not waste time on regrets.

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 27/02/2020 19:36

When i turned 40 I felt fantastic. I realised i didn't have to take shit from anyone BECAUSE I WAS 40! It was like a badge of honour.
People still told me I didn't look my age(or act it either.)

Fast forward to age 45 and a diagnosis and a relapse of MS and my god I feel old and haggard. I'm now nearly 49 and the last few years have aged me a lot.

I feel sad sometimes because I truly realise just how short life is---not because of my saggy boobs and bingo wings. I also enjoy being a mature woman with many wonderful and not so wonderful experiences.

GreatAuntE320 · 27/02/2020 19:46

Not at all. I am 61, still youthful-looking, intelligent with a very good job. I would hate to be a young person today.

Banana770 · 27/02/2020 19:59

I’m only 33, but I wasted a lot of my twenties in a crap relationship and wish I could do it over! There’s a girl at work who is 22 and just lovely, and she’s always gadding about and doing things. I feel so Mumsy and boring compared to her! I wish I could do my twenties over knowing what I know now.

skidley · 27/02/2020 20:07

I'm 55 but probably look older and I hate it. I look like shit, overweight, tired all the time and feeling my body starting to decline. And this is me on Anti depressants. I'm really not sure how I'd be like if I wasn't on them. I wish I could turn the clock back 30 years. There is so much more than I wish I'd done with my life. Not all of it is beyond hope but I'm not fit for some of the things wish I'd done. What's that saying - youth is wasted on the young? So so true

TheYearOfTheDog · 27/02/2020 20:15

I am not envious of ALL of the young people at work but there are one or two young people who just seem unusually wise for their age. They can get on with people of all ages. They are well-liked by everybody, so not ''boring'' even though they have a foot on the path to home-ownership, love, fulfilling careers.....

That makes me wish I could have given myself a leg up occasionally when I was younger.

FrontRowSeat · 27/02/2020 20:28

What do you wish you’d done to make your mark on the world? I always thought I’d have written a book or had my own successful business. I guess it’s not too late to write a book. I tried to make a bucket list the other day and couldn’t think of one thing to put on it. I’m almost 40.

MrsExpo · 27/02/2020 20:38

No, not at all.

I’m 66 and often told I look good for my age, but it’s not about looks. At my age I finally have the confidence to be “me”, I retired a few years ago so no boss or employer to keep happy, no family to demand my time, money or other resources and I don’t give a #£&* what people think of me.

Being older has some benefits.

Starwind74 · 27/02/2020 20:42

I wish I could be young again but have only felt like this in the last few years and I am 64!

TheHagOnTheHill · 27/02/2020 23:05

Being older does not mean you can't enjoy life.
When I was younger and Sunday afternoon with nothing to do could be boring,now it is a luxury to be savoured.

timetest · 27/02/2020 23:16

I’m in my 60s and my body and face are holding up quite well. Retirement is great as DH and I have the time and money to travel and pursue interests that might have been seen as self indulgent when we had young children.
What is truly fantastic and liberating is now not giving a stuff what others think of me and being too old to care about wokeness.

TheYearOfTheDog · 27/02/2020 23:37

I think in the run up to 50 (i'm not 50 yet, so this is ongoing) I really divided things in to two columns, things that could be enjoyed as an older person and things that were going to be harder as a no longer young person.

I felt like hobbies, walking, reading, learning, having a nice home - these are all open to me, and I will enjoy them.

But I feel like social opportunities and men I might like viewing me as a potential partner will be few and far between. But I won't let that get me down (I HOPE).
I feel ok now. I'm becoming more introverted I think. It is possible to feel your value as a woman to society fading away but simultaneously feel that your value as a person is increasing.

Singlenotsingle · 28/02/2020 07:06

Not at all. I don't notice it, even though I'm 68. It would be nice not to have lines on my face but I don't have to look at them. Plus, I'm being pursued by a gorgeous man and feel about 16 again! Life is good

TheYearOfTheDog · 28/02/2020 07:26

Sounds good @singlenotsingle!
I was thinking about how when we form our identity we are young so being YOUNG can be our identity if we are not careful to think about who and what else we are. I fell in to this category. I didnt think about these things until i was 36 and pregnant with dc2 and then i really didnt know who i was.

I know im happier and have less anxiety now.

Alyic · 28/02/2020 07:31

My only regret really is I didn't appreciate myself more when I was young and thin, self confidence was zero not helped by being put down at every opportunity by my cow of a mother.

Ragwort · 28/02/2020 07:31

This makes sad reading, it's great to be older (the alternative is a lot worse), I am over 60, I am meeting my Parents (very late 80s) for lunch later, they have booked a trendy new restaurant in their town that they 'are looking forward to trying'. Their zest and enthusiasm for life is amazing, they frequently go to London to see new exhibitions, they follow a niche sport, they meet up with friends constantly, they love knowing what their children and grandchildren are up to, I don't think either of them gives a stuff about their 'appearance' or the odd aches & pains. Although my DM was delighted to tell me she bought a bright new jumper in a 'fab shop called Top Shop' .

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 28/02/2020 07:56

I have mixed feelings

I’m tubby and not as good looking as I was and that I struggle with that but I don’t want it to define me.

I am far more confident in the person I am now and nicer was so self absorbed but in a sad way to protect myself as didn’t feel I had anything really to offer tell an unhappy lonely child they are beautiful makes them very vulnerable

I feel sad for not understanding myself better that what makes me most sad, that makes me really sad

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