Do you get sad that you aren't young anymore?

[Borkins]

I'm 41 and life in many ways is better for me than 20 years ago. Yet I can't help having spells of overwhelming sadness that I'm not young anymore. It's ridiculous I know and 40s is not old and I get that every year is a privilege not afforded to everyone.

Yet I see that society values youthful looks. At my age you project more of a mature, mum image. Which is what I am of course but I'm also fiesty, passionate, sexual, silly etc

I wish my stupid feet would let me walk /run like I used to. Bloody sodding arthritis! And be able to get through the day without succombing to debilitating fatigue. Apart from that I'm ok and no I would not fancy being young with all the pressures. Now retired and taking things slow you see so much more.

Yes I miss my younger self, I felt fabulous in my forties, vibrant, attractive, relevant visible. Not so much now I’m 52, even though I still think I’m attractive, slim and confident in my style I certainly don’t attract the male gaze anymore at all, and even though I know it’s a very unpopular thing on here to admit to I miss that. Societies attitudes change towards you as well, the tick box I now fall into is the 50-80 age group, suddenly I am classed as ‘old’ no matter what I look like and funeral plan adverts and McCarthy and Stone retirement apartments are aimed at me and it really pisses me off! I feel I am lumped in with Thora Hurd and Mary Berry when actually I’m more Kylie and Liz Hurley, June and her funeral plan with a free pen can bugger off.

I'm 47 and I am a bit put out by starting to look my age, becoming a bit podgier etc. The thing I miss about being young though is really...just...being young. When it felt like anything was possible, when I used to go out on a Friday with no idea what the weekend would hold and roll home on Sunday night, when live music and clubs and festivals felt all totally new and like I was discovering things all the time. When I got excited shopping for new clothes and make up to wear out. When I didn't give a shit about my credit score and lived in my overdraft.

I could (and sometimes do) do all those things now but it wouldn't be the same. I'm very happy with my life, I'm more content and confident, and I have loads of things in it I enjoy, but the days when everything was shiny bright and new, that's what I miss. And no amount of botox or gym going or healthy eating will change that, I guess it's just part of life and getting older.

I feel like I should be making the most of the early 40s, or I'll probably look back in 10 years and feel that I squandered this time. The next few years feel like a window before the next set of changes

This resonates very much with me. 41 now and I feel like there’s a window of opportunity.

You know, one of the reasons you were excited about everything, and everything seemed new when you were Young, was because it was.

It is very hard to get excited about a night in the pub when you know that a. You probably won't meet someone amazing b. You've been to the pub 100s of times now.

It's very hard to get wildly excited about a party, or a new friendship , etc, because you have been to many parties, met many people, and you are very familiar with the broad outlines of what parties are like and what people are like.

Likewise shopping: you are not going to be thrilled and delighted by your transformation into someone who looks as though they belong in the adult world ... because you've been in the adult world some time now - and the shine has come off it a bit.

And love ... well, it's not necessarily an adventure - with totally unexpected twists and turns,and the possibility of being epic. It's a story you're probably fairly familiar with.

I sorties think the great love story of adolescence and young adulthood is with yourself. The exhilaration comes in part from finding out so much about yourself as you encounter the world and other people.

It isn't the same when you are at the stage of knowing yourself quite well.

Having said that, I think the emotional landscape of older women is very poorly documented. And I do wonder if we might feel happier if we recognise that lack, set ourselves the task of finding words and images for this stage of life, and ways to truly live it and explore it - and find a different way of falling in love with ourselves.
A way that is slightly different from the rush of newness in youth - still a quest into the unknown, but edged with a far greater degree of knowledge.

Yes I’m really struggling with that at the moment. I just keep thinking how I wasted so many years that I will never get back. Completely pointless of course but it can really get to me.

No. I've wasted some opportunities (who hasn't) but I feel confident in myself and strangely "motherly" towards younger people (I'm 45) . I've recently become a landlady to some students and enjoy hearing about all the things they're doing - I feel happy for them, not envious at all.

It's surprised me how little it bothers me that I'm older and that some doors are closed to me. Perhaps it's because I don't need or seek other people's approval anymore, I'm living my life in my way and that's fine!

I never used to understand why people in middle age didn’t just change jobs or upskill. I get it now. Work want young, enthusiastic, mentally agile things. My job history goes back decades and makes me look less employable with my chopping and changing rather than “adaptable” like it did in my 20’s.

Yes I do at 37. I totally agree society values youths (not just looks). In some industries, for example tech, you are over the hill at 32.

I'm also feisty and silly and get on with younger adults but feel I should "act my age", especially at work and with most adults.

However I also give much less shit to what anyone thinks than when younger, and read people or between the lines better. So in a way I like this new found comfort in my own skin.

You seem to be basing this all on looks. I would love to be young again, but I am very happy with how I look. I would just like the energy levels and to be at university for the first time again.

I wish I’d made better use of some of the opportunities I worked hard for when I was young.
I didn’t really know what to do once I’d grabbed something I was reaching for.
I’d love to go back with all I know now.

Other than that, I’m pretty happy with the ageing process. I’m enjoying being taken seriously in my field and having the youngest children out of infancy (7) and the eldest out of hormonal insanity (18).

DH and I are still limber and our parents are spry. It feels like a sunlit lull in the storm right now.
I’m trying to enjoy it and not fret about the storm clouds on the horizon.

Every time I get my car keys out I expect someone to say 'you don't look old enough to drive!!'

I'm 38 so they don't

Jayzus (I’m mid 40’s) and I’m as hot as fuck? In y mind. I’m kidding- 2 c-sections etc, but I never gave a fuck and now I have even less of an idea of how anyone ever cares.
So, not helpful but it can get better

No not at all, I've generally enjoyed every stage of my life, I am 62 this year and there are so many positives about my life, the main one being I have good health. I absolutely don't care about my looks, I love the fact that I have confidence and no longer care if people 'like me'. To have self esteem and confidence in your own skin is a great thing.

I was 40 this year and it scares me to death dying. The thought of getting old and then being dead forever and ever literally sends me into a panic attack.

But I am trying to keep healthy by going to the gym and keep busy and social x

I agree. I am 41 and since turning 40 have had a real sense of sadness that I am no longer young. I was never gorgeous but I am surprised by little surprises (random hairs, wobbly thighs) that just weren't there 10 years ago. I am in a great place in life and very happy but I do feel regret that I stuck with places and people that were not right for me and instead of changing those external things I tried to change myself internally to suit them. That doesn't work. Now I know my value and would not waste my time in the wrong place or crowd. I wish I could bring my knowledge back to that time.

I am closer to 50 and I am happy to not be young anymore. I have more experience, more confidence and more money to do the things I enjoy.

I never really rated looks highly so I don't care that I look 'my age' and I am happy to go grey.

I think looking back and wishing you were there again is terrible really as you are now wasting your current life. Look forwards not backwards.

I’m 47 and went out few nights ago with some mum friends . One of the mums was 27 and I realised I could be her mum and her 5 year old could be my grandson 😮. As it is our children are in the same class. Made me feel like a very old mum fo the first time really.

Not sad exactly, I'm far happier than I was when I was young but I am very aware that I'm over half way!

I only have regrets about choices and things which passed me by. I certainly don't get sad about looking older - that doesn't bother me in the slightest (I'm 48). I love the fact that now I'm older I feel no inclination to worry about my looks (or about what others think of me really).

Yes, I’m 30 now and wasted my late teens and early 20s in bad relationships and low paid jobs or not working.

I also neglected myself now I’m very fat 😩

I am losing weight and off to university, just wish I did it ten years ago!

I wish I had the energy I had 20 years ago but the knowledge and experience I have now. My life is good but I think about missed opportunities to get in on grass roots of industries that have since grown huge and I have a real interest in. Youth is, indeed, wasting on the young

Mostly though, I just get very sad when I think about how little time may be left with older people I love dearly, like my parents and even grandparents (though some are gone already). I shall miss them all so terribly.

No, never. My dm got to be young forever. She died at 33 when I was 4 years old. I'm 36 now and my DD is 5. I also got to have ds who is 3. I heard from a family member that my dm wanted lots of children, but never got the chance as the cancer appeared soon after she had me. It sounds cheesy, but I literally wake up everyday and say a quick thank you. I'll take every grey hair, wrinkle, saggy boob and chin hair just to be able to see my children grow up.

I'm feeling very depressed with turning 40 this year. Like, really depressed. I'm terrified of dying and feel the time to die and leave my children is creeping up slowly.