What’s it like being a child from a large family?

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

Interested to hear the perspectives of children who have two or more siblings.

DH and I are considering another baby and rather than think about the effect it could have on me and him I’d like to know what it’s like to having two siblings or more.

I’m an only and he’s one of two.

The birth order theme seems to be quite relevant as well here, it seems being the oldest of 3+ feels like a greater burden.

I’m an only and in direct opposition to some on here the defining feature of my family was silence. Nobody spoke.

Sometimes the circumstances of our childhood can really influence what we do as parents but children are people and this is at the forefront of my mind when I’m wrestling with my thoughts. None of us ask to be born.

For me there are risks that can be mitigated. But there are others that whilst rare could be catastrophic. If we all hedged our bets along those lines nobody would have children.

I dunno, am burbling now.

In short my heart has room for one (ideally) child more. The house does. Our wallets do. Whilst we have hardly any family we have disposable income and a car we could convert. We both have earning capacity in roles that will still be there long into the future.

Hm. Now to think of how to broach it further with DH.

I was the youngest of 5 and I don't feel I disappeared! Yes I was the last to do the milestones/ pass exams/ driving test bla bla bla and no one was that excited any more by the fifth time...However, I was on the national junior team for my sport and got the best exam results of us all.... so I definitely made my mark.

The birth order theme seems to be quite relevant as well here, it seems being the oldest of 3+ feels like a greater burden.

I'm the oldest of three and on balance my younger siblings have been a massive source of grief in my life, and continue to do so now we're all in our 30s.

I am the oldest of 2 and dh is the oldest of 5. We have 1.
None of dh's siblings have more than 2. That says a lot to me. There is a 20 year gap (kids from different relationships) from oldest to youngest. They are not close at all.

Our dc is an only child but I can 100% guarantee that she would not define her childhood as silent. She constantly has friends over or is in their houses and she has a very healthy social life and a wide circle of friends. We have really ensured that she has a lot of company but then she also loves all the one-to-one time she has had & continues to have with us.

She gets to do an expensive hobby (horseriding) and we travel and eat out a lot and have a busy social life as a family. Dh and I very regularly have our friends around at the weekend etc so she sees that as a blueprint of life in lots of ways.

I had a sibling, a lot younger than me (7yrs) but I had a very stressed out mother who really wasn't equipped to be a mother in so many ways - pretty much everything freaked her out and that had a massive impact on our lives. She was also very socially isolated and made little or no effort to make or maintain friendships.

I would say in most aspects I have tried to do the polar opposite of how I was raised myself.

I'm 7 of 8 and I LOVED it growing up. I still love it now as an adult, but would I have more than two myself? Would I fuck :D

Haven't rtft but I'm the second youngest of 6 and I didn't hate it as a child but looking back I was pretty deprived of attention, got no one on one time with my mum and never had any privacy. I'm pregnant with my second and would never have anymore children after this one for that reason.
Part of me feels like if I'd been one of say two or three children my mum would have noticed the abuse and subsequent mental health issues that I suffered from from a really young age but I would never hold it against her.
We all spend Christmas/New Years etc together now but I'm only close to 2 of my siblings and the older 4 are very cliquey. Theres 2 years between us all but me and my younger sister still get treated to/spoken to like children despite being adults with our own lives which is very patronising but I suppose that's more about personalities than family size 🤷🏼‍♀️

Frankly I think you can't predict it. I am fairly sure one of my siblings would say they didn't like being part of a large family - but the rest of us (obviously I can't be sure about anyone's opinion but mine!) liked it.

I LOVE Christmas and big family gatherings. But if you lived close to family and your DC had cousins of a similar age, that can be recreated. Equally we were a large family of introverts - so alone/quiet time was always valued and understood despite there being a lot of us.

I am the youngest and I do think it's a pertinent point that it's easier to be the youngest/a younger one - I did struggle growing up with the fact that any sports club I joined already knew one of my siblings, I was always welcomed as 'ah, the youngest [surname]!' by people (kindly) and my siblings seemed to have just done everything before me. Particularly as a teen I was very impatient to learn to drive/be allowed more freedom/move out etc.

But I had parents who on the whole were excellent - they encouraged (and continue to encourage, even though we're all adults now!) valuing yourself and your achievements in a non-comparing manner, supportive behaviours between us as siblings, etc. We got enough one on one time although more with Mum as younger kids as she was at home whilst Dad worked.

I think age gap wise, larger age gaps can often help to be less competitive, but I didn't feel particularly close to some of my older siblings as a child. Smaller age gaps can mean more competitiveness, but can also mean they're closer - I get on very well with most of my siblings but being the youngest I'm at quite a different place in my life to them.

You cannot plan future relationships between people, I'm afraid. Particularly when you have no idea what personality a future child might have. That's just the way of it!

I would like 3 children - maybe 4. Definitely not been put off!

I'm the third of seven children. The age gaps vary: 18 months, 3 years, 9 years, 3 years. (Several 18 month and 3 year gaps.)

We all loved it. All of us. My parents made sure we got 1:1 time with them, we lived in the countryside so there was plenty of space outside, and though we had to share rooms they were big rooms because I grew up in NZ with lots of space. We were poor, but my Mum was extremely good at making what she had go far.

Some of us have big families, some don't. I have three children. I'd love more but my body can't handle pregnancy.

My youngest sisters were born when I was 15 and 18 (there's a 21-year spread of ages). They kind of had 5 parents, since us older ones treated them almost like they were our babies. Not sure if that was great for them, but they're lovely girls now so I guess it worked out OK.

I think the important thing is whether you can give each child time, whether they feel valued as their own person, and how much stress the parents are under.