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Original poster

What’s it like being a child from a large family?

158 replies

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 24/02/2020 17:26

Interested to hear the perspectives of children who have two or more siblings.

DH and I are considering another baby and rather than think about the effect it could have on me and him I’d like to know what it’s like to having two siblings or more.

I’m an only and he’s one of two.

OP posts:
Janleverton · 24/02/2020 19:15

I’m the youngest of 3. Older siblings 4.5 and 6 years older than me and male.

I had an excellent childhood all told. I think they did too. We weren’t so close as children - sex and age difference. Oldest two very close but also fought like cat and dog from time to time. As adults we all get on well. Have each other’s backs. Supportive and shared history worth a hell of a lot.

Dh is one of 3, also youngest but about 7/8 years younger than next brother and about 9/10 to oldest. They aren’t as close. All boys. Just not as much in common and a bit disparate/disconnected in a way that my brothers and I aren’t. I think more to do with personality and parenting to be honest. PIL not terribly available, MIL worked very long hours as did FIL and they’re much older than my parents and just different generation/perspectives.

We have 3 dc. 2 years 2 months between first and second (girl/boy) and then 4 years to youngest (boy). I think dh and I both felt 3 was the number we wanted, 3 felt ‘right.’ I think the dcs are happy (2 are teens and one is 10). Time will tell!

Mummyzzz044 · 24/02/2020 19:17

I'm number 6.. I loved it. But only want 2 kids myself but with 5 girls we are all best friends now

joffreyscoffees · 24/02/2020 19:17

3 brothers. For the most part I hated it - my parents had neither the time nor the money for 4 children. I love my brothers dearly but I'd have been way happier as an only child:

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Families
Emmapeeler1 · 24/02/2020 19:19

I was born late 70s. My mum had given up work when she was pregnant with my sister n 1973 because there was no maternity leave. I guess that had changed by the 80s. (Possibly not in Ireland!)

One car, which was only there at weekends!

HalfManHalfLabrador · 24/02/2020 19:22

I would much prefer to have been an only or one of two. I feel I missed out on loads because it’s spread so thin

MonaChopsis · 24/02/2020 19:23

I hated being one of three... It was always two against one. Swore I would never have more kids than car seat windows Grin (and don't!) As an adult am close to my sister, but not to my brother.

SisterAgatha · 24/02/2020 19:26

My DH is one of 4. He knows no different but I find the dynamic quite exhausting and unfair.

Examples -
Our children have never seen their grandparents alone. There are always other cousins there. They don’t know our children very well at all. I find this quite strange as I was so close to my grandparents, they were able to give us one on one time and help us financially. Because there were only 2 of us.

Their house is very loud. The tv is always ridiculously loud and when everyone’s there (4 siblings, 4 partners, 2 grandparents and 12 grandchildren so far) everyone shouts at each other over it to be heard. No one fits properly around the table. Being there is not a relaxing experience.

Because there are so many of them with whom to side or disagree with, factions and divisions and favoritism is almost encouraged.

I know DH prefers Christmas at my mums because he gets a one to one conversation, doesn’t fight for a seat, and doesn’t have several sisters barking at him.

HepzibahGreen · 24/02/2020 19:30

One of 6.
Good things-space to figure stuff out, no one breathing down your neck or trying to get in your head.
Good relationships now we are adults.
People to hang out with on holiday.
Relaxed parents who worked so lots of independence.

Bad things-
No one checked homework or really noticed if you needed help.
Feeling of having to look after myself, not feeling safe all the time.
No money for things like music lessons of other activities.
Fighting amongst siblings.
Chaos!

I always wanted 3 personally that seemed about right.

MaidenMotherCrone · 24/02/2020 19:34

2nd youngest of 6. It was not good. I was just like wallpaper,

MadamBatty · 24/02/2020 19:34

Always of course there was contraception in 80s Ireland!!

Nonnymum · 24/02/2020 19:35

I am from a very big family I have 7 siblings. I have very happy memories of being a child. There was always someone to play with and I had a happy and secure childhood. But we were mainly left to iour own devices and although I know our parents loved us I'm not sure how much they actually knew us. I cant imagine only having 1 sibling I only had 2 children though!

MadamBatty · 24/02/2020 19:36

& ffs of course there was maternity leave too. My 70s childhood in Ireland has 2 working parents. I’m number 7 of 9...I brought up my 2 younger siblings. I’m child free

WaxOnFeckOff · 24/02/2020 19:40

I'm youngest of 7 and DH one of 6. No-one on either side of the family has more than 2.

I think we were both happy being part of a large family, but times were different then. Both our families lived in poverty and that was pretty much the same for our neighbours. We didn't feel like we were missing out but have chosen to limit our family to 2 so that we can give them all the advantages that we didn't have.

Ours are only 13 months apart, hard when they were very small and expensive now they are both in uni at the same time but they are great friends and that's the main thing.

3timeslucky · 24/02/2020 19:42

Always of course there was contraception in 80s Ireland!!

Not much and even less if you weren't married.

www.history.com/this-day-in-history/ireland-allows-sale-of-contraceptives

"The Health Act of 1985 liberalised the law by allowing condoms to be sold to adults without a prescription. However, under the new act condoms could only be sold in chemists, doctors’ surgeries, health boards, family planning clinics and hospitals providing maternity services or treatment for sexually transmitted infections."

I remember well Richard Branson breaking the law by selling condoms in his Virgin store. That was 1989. www.rte.ie/archives/2019/1008/1081859-illegal-sale-of-condoms/

Emmapeeler1 · 24/02/2020 19:45

ffs of course there was maternity leave too

Lucky Ireland. In Britain maternity leave wasn't a given for all women until 1993 (thanks to the EU Wink)

ChicCroissant · 24/02/2020 19:46

DH is the eldest of four, didn't get on with one sibling (about a year between them so close in age) until he left home. Younger two siblings have an age gap so he'd left home when they were in their late teens.

He was absolutely adamant that we were only having one child!

Aria2015 · 24/02/2020 19:50

I have 3 siblings. Great now I'm older but when I young it was a mixed bag. I got on well with my siblings generally but the biggest down side was constantly craving that individual attention from my parents. For that reason I never wanted to emulate that big family for myself.

HeddaGarbled · 24/02/2020 19:51

2nd of 4. I was jealous of the younger 2, especially the sister closest in age, and although we’re OK now, we’re not close.

MadamBatty · 24/02/2020 19:51

There was the 1985 act legalising the sale of condoms in various outlets. Condoms were available in chemists. The Irish family planning clinic recently celebrated its 50th birthday, similar with Marie stopes. Doctored prescribed the contraceptive pill or barrier methods. I remember waiting for my sister as she had a copper coil fitted in 1980 & no she wasn’t married.

Prepenultimate · 24/02/2020 19:58

I'm the youngest of 5- all born within less than 6 years, no multiples! My poor parents...both teachers so 5 at home must have seemed nothing after a class of 30...
Lovely childhood- quite 'free range' compared to today's kids; always someone to play with, tho we mostly did our own things and all had our own friends, hobbies, interests, clubs, activities. Shared bedrooms when younger but parents divided up rooms to make sure we all had our own space as we got a bit older.Went our own ways for uni/ jobs etc all over the country but we LOVE getting together whenever we can and it's so interesting to see how the next generation of cousins get on. Parents deceased now and my siblings are SO important to me. I am so grateful for them.

GordonBennett20 · 24/02/2020 20:06

I think as long as you can afford it and you dont feel that it will stretch you too far attention wise then go for it! I would love to have 3.

My DH is the youngest of 6 and it sounds like his parents never properly policed any of them and allowed the older ones to bully the younger ones. He doesnt quite tell it that way but I've heard enough stories over the years to put it together and they now have very dysfunctional relationships with each other. I think it was 100% down to the parenting though.

MatterhornMadness · 24/02/2020 20:07

Meh, no-one had a first car where we lived, let alone a second! 70s/80s childhood.
All the mums worked because there wasn't income support, tax credits etc. There was family allowance, but it wasn't very generous. It was still frowned upon to go on the social.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 24/02/2020 20:21

I’m one of 3 (and don’t consider us a large family) and so is DH. We both enjoyed it and are both close to our siblings as adults. We just didn’t feel done with two kids and have just had a third. Two felt too neat and ordered. I wanted the fun and love and chaos of an extra person both in their childhood and for when they’re all adults. Done now though! Three is the max I can personally parent well and I knew that the second I got pregnant again.

Valkadin · 24/02/2020 20:45

One of six, we all have one or two dc apart from one sis who had an accidental third PG and was very unhappy about it.

Lordfrontpaw · 24/02/2020 20:50

Hands up everyone who grew up with their parents getting asked on a regular basis if their TV worked?

🖐