What’s it like being a child from a large family?

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

Interested to hear the perspectives of children who have two or more siblings.

DH and I are considering another baby and rather than think about the effect it could have on me and him I’d like to know what it’s like to having two siblings or more.

I’m an only and he’s one of two.

I'm oldest of 7. It was awful. I love my siblings but growing up it was me who helped with everything. I was left in charge, helped with/did the cooking when I was old enough (13) and never got any time to myself because there was always a baby to look after.

One of four. Loved there was always someone around. Didn’t feel I missed out. Everyone close in age. I’ve got two, and are envious of those with more.

Wouldn’t want more than four though.

Because of my age and previous pregnancies there’s a risk of twins: hence the “large family” concern.

Oh yes. Currently pregnant with DCS 4&5. Following this thread with interest.

Surely this goes deeper than the amount of children in the family. It seems to me that it’s how the parents deal with a large family that matters?

I am one of two so not in your demographic op but my childhood was pretty crap. I have 4 DCs and I would say that whilst I am stretched at times I think they do alright. I’m open with my children, I try to do a lot more with them than my parents ever did with me, days out and random trips were none existent when I was a kid unless they were to ruins (my dads interest) whereas I try and take my children to things they’ll enjoy-water parks, the zoo, cinema, alton towers etc. And in my case it wasn’t lack of money-my dad had a very good job, they just chose not to spend it on me and my brother.

It reads to me like the children of properly big families, not four children, are the miserable ones!

I’m the eldest of four and don’t really have any strong feelings about it either way - it’s just how things were. I certainly don’t recall missing out on attention, even though my youngest sibling has severe disabilities which necessarily took up quite a lot of my mum’s time. I was very close to the sister nearest to me in age growing up, but we don’t see each other much now as she moved to Ireland.

I definitely think it helped that we moved when I was 11 to a large house which allowed us all to have our own bedroom. I had been sharing with my sister which was driving me mad as I was very tidy and she wasn’t.

I only have one child now, but not because of any negative feelings associated with coming from a large family. I do worry a bit that she’ll be lonely, but then reading this thread makes clear there are negatives associated with every family size!

Should say I am still close to my sister, just not geographically...

Depends what you class as a large family really. I will have five DC in a few months and I don’t consider us a massive family, bigger than the norm sure but we’re hardly the Radford’s! We’ll fit in our seven seater so don’t require a mini bus anyway . Our DC all have their own rooms and we definitely offer them adequate 1:1 time despite both having full on careers too. We just make it work and I’m always told how well behaved my DC are so I must be doing something right.

I was one of 5 and it was awful. My parents had to watch every penny and we only lived in a three bed semi so I slept in the attic. My dad worked long hours and two jobs so we hardly saw him and I rarely got any time alone with my mum. I left home when I went off to university and never really went back. I do visit nowdays and I'm quite close to my older sister but I haven't seen or heard from my brothers in years. No loss , they always were a bunch of wankers.

I also don’t consider 3 children large! I’m one of 3 (plus a half brother I didn’t grow up with). I also have three children.
DH wanted 3, he’s an only and finds the parent burden and lack of siblings difficult. I think 3 is the perfect number.
Downside was having to get a larger car!

I'm one of 5. It had good points and bad points. On balance I'd say more bad points.

I had a very lonely childhood because as the youngest it was like having four extra parents instead of two parents and four siblings.

As adults, relationships are strained between some of my siblings and I get to be the piggy in the middle.

I was loved, and we didn't want for anything materially, but I wouldn't recommend a big family at all.

It's definitely crap being the youngest in a big family. You just disappear.

One of six (number 3).

I loved it. Never felt like I missed out on anything from my mum, of course sometimes her attention was elsewhere but it's the same for all kids. I think it helped me to be more self sufficient.

As an adult I enjoy having so many siblings. I only plan on having 2 kids, but I understand why some people want loads.

I don’t agree with the youngest. My youngest sibling was spoilt rotten. He was a very clear favourite to my mum.

I think it's quite difficult- nigh impossible- to speak for others. I was the youngest and there is a big age gap between me and the next one up. I had my own room, hundreds of toys, lots of stuff paid for that my siblings didnt get etc. But I was the last hurrah, and when u have a parent addicted to children that is problematic. I wasnt allowed to wear jeans til I was in my teens, not allowed to go out after school, not allowed my haircut really above bra strap, not allowed to join a sports team, I wasnt allowed in my bedroom for anything longer than about 5 minutes before I was asked what I was doing and told to come back downstairs.

I was utterly controlled. And all the while dealing with sarcastic comments from adult siblings who thought I got everything. It was shit. I had about 6 parents.

I don’t agree with the youngest. My youngest sibling was spoilt rotten. He was a very clear favourite to my mum.

My siblings say things like that about me and whilst it's true that my parents changed their views on some things over the years (I was allowed to socialise, whereas my eldest sister wasn't allowed to go out with friends) I could point to dozens of other things that indicate how far down the pecking order I was. Although unsurprisingly they refuse to even consider those.

I've a friend who was number 3 (I think) of 6. He and number 1 were boys, the rest girls. I'm not sure of the exact ages, but I know the youngest is quite a bit younger than the others. He said they LOVED it as kids, but looking back now, he realises there were a lot of negatives and he wouldn't have a big family himself.

He says they basically formed a big "gang" and didn't really have friends outside the family. He never went to friends' houses or had friends round to his house, and he says he grew up not really knowing that there were other ways of doing things in life.

His brother moved to New Zealand fairly soon after graduating, but the rest have all stayed near their parents. His sisters do everything together, see each other most days etc. Their kids are basically brought up as siblings rather than cousins. They've all struggled a bit to maintain healthy relationships as adults - several divorces quite young, a couple of affairs etc. None have large families themselves (biggest is 3, but the younger 2 are twins).

If you asked them, he says his sisters would say their childhood was great and they're all really close, but he thinks there was a lot of pressure to maintain the illusion of a "big, close family" and that's not the reality. He says he always felt like a number (in fact, his sisters all have matching tattoos which indicate their birth order or something- he described it and we were all a bit freaked out, it sounded slightly creepy), they were all expected to think in similar ways (there are family portraits in which they're all dressed identically) and generally it wasn't all that healthy.

It's probably largely to do with his parents, obviously, rather than specifically because they were a big family, but it does always make me wonder when I hear someone say "our huge family is really close" whether they've been trained up to say that rather than it being the reality.

I loved it. I loved my siblings fiercely and have had a larger family myself. I’d have hated being in a small family. I don’t think my children would mind larger or smaller. I do find they are fed A LOT of anti-larger family attitudes.

As adults I get on well with all but one of my siblings though it is my nearest in age who is my bestie.

I'm one of three. Didn't like it at all. One was always left out/ caught in the middle.

Maybe it's due to parenting, but if those I know, I don't know any middle children who would have more than two.

I'm no 1 of 4, with 7 years between the oldest and the youngest. I liked being part of a larger family, and always having company there when I wanted it. However, I was expected to grow up very quickly and be responsible. There was very little support at difficult transition points, like starting secondary school as DM was simply too busy, and very little 1:1 attention for anything other than homework. Sibling rivalry was an issue for me with sibling no 2, but not with no 3 and 4. I think that reflects the fact that us oldest 2 were more expected to just get on with it and had less parental attention to share, so we fought over it.

We have 3 DC and are currently intending to stop there. I don't want to put my oldest in the position I was put in.

1 of 3, 2 years between eldest two, almost 10 years down to me. My middle sister has always been very jealous (still is and she is over 60). What she doesn't see is that the two close in age have a bond, whereas I'm sort of an only child.

But three is a crowd, it's always two against one (two often has a special bond, leaving the third one out). Dh is 1 of 3, too. Their dynamics are similar to my experiences.

One of 5 (number 4) - really appreciate it now my parents have passed as we’re good support for each other. Couldn’t have been that bad - we all have kids (I have 4 as does one other sister) and I think it’ll be nice for them to have that dynamic in later life too.

I'm the 9th of 14. I loved my childhood, my siblings loved it too. We are all very close and went on to marry and have our own large families.
My husband is 3rd out of 9, he and his siblings are also close and enjoyed their childhoods.
We have 11 kids, who are also close to each other. They are all married themselves and have their own families.
You make it what it is. Being organised, managing your time effectively and pulling together as a team means that everyone has their needs met.
I would never have expected any of my kids to assume a role, as in the eldest seeing to the youngest etc, because that would be taking their own needs away from them.
To give an example. The kids had a hot lunch at school, so for evening meal they would have soup or similar in the evening, the younger ones first, the older ones after. While the older ones ate theirs, I would load the younger ones crockery etc into the dishwasher as they brought it from the table.
The older ones would load their crockery in and set it going while I ran the bath for the younger ones.
As the bath was running, they would undress and put their dressing gowns on ready to go in.
At some point during this, my husband would arrive home from work. He would dry them and put them into their nightwear as I were bathing the rest.
A bit of a conveyor belt 😂
Then it would be back downstairs for a glass of milk with biscuits and a story.
Once they were in bed, me and my husband would eat our evening meal, which I had prepped during the day and chat.
Then I would go off to work. ( I worked between 11 and 3 in the morning in a bakery )
Summer was better because I used to fill up a big paddling pool and throw some bubble bath in, so they were having a bath as they played.
I wouldn't change it for anything.

It was certainly not the norm for women to give up work in the 80s. I am an 80s child - my mum worked and I don't know anyone's mother who didn't apart from one and she was Asian and didn't speak English.

I am one of six. I didn't like it - always arguing, never had any peace and quiet. I have chosen not to have children because I crave solitude and silence! I am very close to one of my sisters and her children but don't really speak to the others much.

I was at primary school in the 80s and I only knew one other girl whose mum worked. I was really jealous of her because I thought it was so exciting that she got to go to someone else's house after school.