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Original poster

What’s it like being a child from a large family?

158 replies

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 24/02/2020 17:26

Interested to hear the perspectives of children who have two or more siblings.

DH and I are considering another baby and rather than think about the effect it could have on me and him I’d like to know what it’s like to having two siblings or more.

I’m an only and he’s one of two.

OP posts:
hiredandsqueak · 24/02/2020 18:03

I'm one of six and have five myself. Loved being one of a crowd had lots of opportunities and attention parents were a great team and ensured we all felt special. Of my siblings 3 out of six have larger families themselves, one has one and the other has two.

MegaClutterSlut · 24/02/2020 18:08

One of 5, hectic as a kid. Always beating each other up, money, mum was knackered and didn't really get much if any one on one time

I have 2 dc and not having anymore

AlwaysOnAbloodyDiet · 24/02/2020 18:09

I don't think you can compare our childhoods to that of children today, regardless of family size.

Our mums (80s babies) had no second car, no career - it was the norm to give up work once married, no disposable income - holidays, hobbies, activities were out of the question for most.
(Working class and lower middle class circle, 80s Ireland)

No internet Shock
How did they know if they were BU or not Wink

Anyway, I've got 3 and love the dynamic of 3. 2 just wouldn't feel like enough, although I don't consider it to be a large family.
DH and I both grew up as one of 3+. Even if we aren't particularly close to some of our siblings, I think there's a bond or loyalty there that just doesn't or won't ever exist with other people in your life, i.e. I know we'd drop everything for any of them in a crisis. Even the ones we moan about Wink Our mum is unwell at the moment. It's nice to share that with siblings, to have support, to rant and bounce ideas off one another.
And we loved the company growing up.

Oh and when new baby nieces and nephews arrive. That wouldn't be possible without siblings Smile

Interested in this thread?

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Families
ScarlettBlaize · 24/02/2020 18:10

I'm one of three, all born within 4.5 years. I wish my parents had stopped at one.

ScarlettBlaize · 24/02/2020 18:11

Meant to add that I've stopped at two. (and I left larger age gap too)

LovingLola · 24/02/2020 18:13

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut

Childhood was great. My dad had a good job so we never were short of money. Mind you that really meant we had enough, not that we had lots of luxuries.
Teen years not so great - but that was usual teenage angst. As adults we all get on really well and that is a blessing.

Lordfrontpaw · 24/02/2020 18:15

I had a lot of space and privacy - we had a massive house and garden and I was actually very lonely. Dad was working like mad to support us all and mum was run ragged looking after us crowd and her ailing parents.

I never speak to my brother (we never have as there was a reasonable large gap) and not much to my other siblings - we get on but just don’t bother.

OhCaptain · 24/02/2020 18:16

I’ve loads of siblings. It’s pretty shit. I’ve three and I’ll admit it’s because we got caught out! Wouldn’t be without any of my children, obviously.

But out of all of us, only one of us had 4. The rest is 3,2,1 or none. And I think that speaks volumes!

teapotter · 24/02/2020 18:16

I think it depends partly how much time you are likely to have for them. I liked being in a big family when my mum was home with us all. It was harder when both parents were working crazy hours, and it made my mental health problems harder, but couldn’t be helped.

Hatawa83 · 24/02/2020 18:16

I’m one of 13 (yes 13) and we were all 1-2 years apart. One side was fab... lots of siblings but we are like 2 separate families as some of the older ones had flown the nest by the time some of the youngest were born.

Let’s face it...the more kids you have the less attention you can give each one. Most of us older ones became parent figures to the youngest because of that. On the practical side...all wore hand me downs, food and pocket money was scarce and no one had their own room, even as teenagers, so no privacy. I think the thing I missed most was one on one time and attention from my parents. We were a tribe of kids and not really individuals as my parents just didn’t have the time to dedicate to each of us personally.

Suffice to say I wouldn’t have more than 2. I want to give my kids the best start in life and two is nicely manageable for me.

Lordfrontpaw · 24/02/2020 18:17

In my siblings - 2 have one child, one has 3 (2 marriages) and the rest have none.

Funny that!

MsTSwift · 24/02/2020 18:21

One of 3 stopped at 2. Happy we did for lots of reasons including environmental

midwestspring · 24/02/2020 18:22

I of 5, none of us have more than two.
Parenting role growing up wasn't great but as adults it is nice.

I do agree with this
I'd say the only downside is that kids from big families aren't quite as close to their parents- closer to each other instead.
My DM was an only and really has always struggled with this and still tries to be a sibling and not a parent.

MatterhornMadness · 24/02/2020 18:24

Eldest of four and hated it. None of us have more than two, and one doesn't have any!
Never had one-to-one attention from a parent once the second was born, though admittedly that was partly down to my parents who frankly couldn't manage two let alone four. Don't have more than you can afford! If you can afford help, go for it.

CrocodileFondue · 24/02/2020 18:24

I've always wanted a big family and feel sad that it won't happen but my friend is one of 8 and she is quite bitter about it.

She says she never felt like an individual, just one of a whole bunch of kids. They had to share bedrooms, clothes, birthday parties etc.
Apparently the middle kids in particular, just had to get on with it and stopped trying to get attention. She couldn't wait to move out.

Emmapeeler1 · 24/02/2020 18:26

DH is one of three like me and was adamant we had two. I really wanted another baby but I worried about not having enough time for my existing two especially in their teenage years. Me and DH's youngest brother spent years in a sort of identity wilderness while our older siblings became very successful. I found my feet when I met DH, but BIL is still there at over 40. Also, sibling dynamics as adults are... a challenge, sometimes. We both had very loving parents and we were similar ages apart (2 years).

Babies are lovely though. I was/am torn!

Original poster
PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 24/02/2020 18:29

We can afford it. That’s what makes me think.

Because of my age and previous pregnancies there’s a risk of twins: hence the “large family” concern.

We have a decent amount of help and the spacing of them means we would qualify for the free hours when one is away up to school and the other is in pre school meaning we’d technically only have to fork out for one (or two) at once.

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 24/02/2020 18:29

I'm the youngest of 6 from a well to do farming family and I'd say its pretty awesome. My DH is the youngest of 5 from a scarily poor farming family and he'd say it's absolutely bloody brilliant. We have 4 kids and it's fun. It'd be more fun if we had more time and an extra boy. Youngest DC is the only boy and he has a hard time from the 3 girls.

All preteen or teen now.

Everyone knows the meaning of team work and sticking up for each other. Mostly it works well.

Wallywobbles · 24/02/2020 18:31

And DHs mum had 5 in 5 years. Madness.

diddlysquif · 24/02/2020 18:33

I have changed my name for this as potentially outing. Youngest of five, only 5 years from youngest to eldest, last two were a set of twins... Great fun as kids, it was the time when parents let you out all day and you came home for your tea and then went out again....
Small house, no space, nothing to call your own, poor.

Mum was SAHM til we were at secondary school. She was just worn out with it all I think and stopped parenting us really, and didn't see some escalating bullying within the family or address emotional problems. There was domestic violence too. My Dad didn't bother with us at all and preferred being down the pub.

As we have grown older, I feel distant from them all, and realise that none of them will ever look out for me the way I have for them. Took some counselling to work that out!
I had kids late as did my brother, the eldest have kids at college or left home.

I think if you have time to devote to nurturing relationships, not just parent and child but those between siblings and have enough money, big families can be amazing. I have two and spend a lot of time nurturing their bond as I would like them to be close and look out for eachother. I would have liked more children but I started in my 40s so that wasn't going to happen!

Butterfly02 · 24/02/2020 18:34

I'm one of 3. Four and a half years between us all. We're all really different and don't really get on now, was hard as kids to I gave in let siblings walk over me. The other two argued like cat and dog. However mine and dsis kids all a similar age and get on well. DBs dc are a lot younger and all though idolise older cousins don't have the same relationship. My dB and dsis I saw a lot of, did a lot of childcare for until I got ill in the last 6 years its like I've disappeared off the face of the earth luckily my parents bring dn to see me.
However I have 3 kids and they all get along well (5 years between them) they look out for each other and do care.

Socalm · 24/02/2020 18:34

I am one of 4. Yeah, it's hard to know. You can't really unwish people! Positives were lots and lots of social interaction. You do learn to put up with not getting things your way. My Sil was an only child, and for her, it's a major disaster if she doesn't get exactly the food she likes or the experience she likes. So precious. The flip side is that we can seem a bit rambunctious and tactless to people from small families, I think

FoldingYoghurt · 24/02/2020 18:37

Not me but DH. He is a twin who were 2/3 out of 6, there's 8 years between the oldest and youngest so small gaps. They had a fun childhood but several were abused by a family friend without anyone noticing, and a lot of them have MH problems and/or low confidence. I don't think there was time for them to be nurtured and he says he never had 1 to 1 time. BUT some of this is just 80s parenting I think and his parents own personalities. I think it was more fun for the youngest 2 or 3 than the oldest too, as the older siblings picked up some of the caring duties. All siblings are 30+ now, most have no children, the ones that do have 1 or 2.

emstone · 24/02/2020 18:38

I'm the eldest (and only girl) out of 5. I loved being part of a big family and want to have a big family myself! There's 8 years between my youngest brother and myself. Brothers have always been so close and I wasn't as much but now we are older we get on SO WELL. Brothers are often off on holiday or rugby weekends away together.

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 24/02/2020 18:38

I'm 1 of 4. I think my parents should have stopped at 2 simply because they didn't have the money and therefore the time to support us all. Childhood was fairly normal for the 80s but my older sister hated us younger 2 and was utterly horrid until I threatened to throw a glass at her. Tolerate her now from a distance, but dont really like her.
I think it speaks volumes that we have all moved to the four corners of the country.
Tbh I would say if you can afford the children without being stressed about money and can afford additional care support then perhaps go for a bigger family.
I could just about cope with 3kids but dh only wants 2. Theres also the sayings 3s a crowd and being a 3rd wheel are used for a reason.