What would your dp/Dh do in this situation?

[Tinaarena]

Genuinely interested to hear if I’m being unreasonable here or not (and FYI I don’t think I am at all).

I’ve just got back from Holiday With ds (8). It was lovely and hellish simultaneously, ds has a tummy bug and had severe d&v whilst there, I had a chest infection to the point I was coughing and making myself sick from doing so. I need a holiday to get over it but we managed to somehow have a lovely time and do what we could manage.

After travelling for the last 16 hours we arrived back this morning at 10.00. Dp collected us (he’s not been able to come due to university assignments etc) so we’re in the airport and realise he’s parked 15 mins away from the terminal which was a struggle getting to it - rather than just remember which terminal I’d said go to or I don’t know look at his phone at the numerous reminders he parked ages away.

We’re in car on the way back and ds for first time in days tells us he’s hungry I asked dp if there was food in, he said no he hadn’t been shopping all week as he’d liven off take aways. I said any bread at all? Nope was the answer there might be some milk.

Driving home he pulls up outside Aldi and I ask what he’s gonna get - his reply “oh I thought you’d wanna go in food shopping as there wasn’t anything else in”.

I did, came home made ds’s dinner, put shopping away, removed a drink from the kitchen table with mould in from the night we left for the airport and removed dead flowers from the hall. I’ve cleaned the kitchen floor and put a wash on and have finally come for a few hours but he genuinely can’t understand why I’m pissed off...

I’ve just had ds to myself sick all week long - barely any sleep, jet lag, chest infection allergies, I could go on and on but am I expecting too much to expect a little food in the house for when we got home - he knew what date it was. He even said on the way home oh it won’t take me 5 mins to go in and get some bread. That’s the point he’s had the last week to use those 5 mins but found the time to play halo constantly instead. 🙄

Would your do have the foresight to get something in for ds at least. I can sort myself out he can’t and I’d like to be 50/50 realising this yet it’s not.

Yes
My dh would have had plenty of food in and the house would be clean.

Yet another man child I’m afraid.

That's really shit of him. Takes ten minutes to do an online shop and not much longer to have a tidy.

Good lord! Dh would have the noise cleaner than when I left and food in or plans to get some ASAP. What a twat of a dh.

No but I'd have organised a delivery for the day before return.

Fortunately dh is pernickety about tidyness and cleanliness but house would have been immac before we left.

I don't know here - you've been away on holiday and he's been stuck at home working it wasn't his fault that you were unwell.

Can't see why he didn't do food shopping but then he picked you up from the airport, even if you didn't like where he parked.

That's really shitty behaviour from anyone, let alone a parent and partner.

My teenagers would have tidied the house and got shopping in.

And this is what I feared. I was correct in being annoyed.

Even when my dad has been away I’ll drop food/milk and breakfast stuff off so at least they’re first meal is sorted.

To me it just screams massive lack of thought he may aswell have told me to go fuck myself by doing this.

Yeah the airport thing wouldn't have bothered me as it was only a 15 minute walk.

But the rest is just shit.

herehooves I use the term working loosely. He’s a 3rd year art degree student, hates the City we visited so I’m convinced told me he has deadlines just so he didn’t have to come.

Was there no food in the freezer given you've only been away a week and DH lived on takeaways? Did you not get food in before you went away?

Mine probably wouldn't have got any food in (which wouldn't bother me too much as I'd expect a take away the night back from a holiday anyway) but the house would be tidy and nothing would be growing life.

Tinaarena

Why go on holiday to somewhere that he doesn't like then? Wouldn't you go somewhere that you all want to go?

This sounds like there's a huge backstory about to be revealed. You don't sound like you like him very much.

Am I right in thinking he is not DS's dad?

Cocklodger.

He’s been selfish yes. Thoughtless.

However you have had a holiday whilst he’s been working so I wouldn’t have expected the red carpet

He wanted ds to experience the place as I lived there years ago and knows how much I love it. We do things together and he often takes ds over to see relatives in different countries sometimes I go sometimes I stay home - no big back story.

I’m just so extremely shattered and had a meltdown there was no food in - yes there’s freezer stuff but I’m talking more essentials - bread, milk, fruit, lunch meats - things I need for ds’s school lunches given he’s back tomorrow - this surprised him as he had no idea he wasn’t off for 2 weeks.

He is so out of order! He knew you have both been very unwell and done fuck all to make you getting home easy.

My DH would have cleaned up and shopped and would have expected to be looking after us! In fact I've been away with 1 Dc for 3 nights turned up home in taxi (he doesn't drive) and tea was ready to be served...

He hates the city you went to?

Why you book there then?

Obviously OP you should have fully stocked the freezer to cook yourself something when you got back.

Maybe you could have lovingly batch cooked some meals for the poor love to have whilst you are away.

God forbid a grown man should be expected to think of these things.

Nope he is ds’s bio father. Just doesn’t show the same level of thought for him as I seem to do which is annoying as I feel it’s constantly left to me to organise everything.

I get more holiday than DH. I often go away with the children for a few days without him. While we are gone he eats food we hate, has a night out with mates and watches crap on TV a lot. We always get home to a tidy house, a couple of random DIY jobs done, food waiting and him being happy to see us. In short, he's an adult.

He needs to grow up and start being an adult, husband and parent... he needs to take ownership of the mental load and doing some of the domestic stuff and fast.

Third year of an art degree. That's quite a luxury for a man with a wife and child. What's he going to do when he graduates?

I use the term working loosely. He’s a 3rd year art degree student

^

So he's not exactly rushed off his feet then

Maybe you could have lovingly batch cooked some meals for the poor love to have whilst you are away.

God forbid a grown man should be expected to think of these things.
No, it just seems strange that op (and pp on here) think DH should have done a big shop ready for when op gets back from holiday but that it's unreasonable for op to have made sure there was good in the house for DH while she was away.

Sure, he's capable to go shopping for himself but then op could go shopping today, no?

Of course it would have been considerate for DH to have got shopping in for ops return but then I would have been considerate and got shopping in for DH while I was away on holiday so to me, consideration is a 2 way street.