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Original poster

What would your dp/Dh do in this situation?

142 replies

Tinaarena · 23/02/2020 13:36

Genuinely interested to hear if I’m being unreasonable here or not (and FYI I don’t think I am at all).

I’ve just got back from Holiday With ds (8). It was lovely and hellish simultaneously, ds has a tummy bug and had severe d&v whilst there, I had a chest infection to the point I was coughing and making myself sick from doing so. I need a holiday to get over it but we managed to somehow have a lovely time and do what we could manage.

After travelling for the last 16 hours we arrived back this morning at 10.00. Dp collected us (he’s not been able to come due to university assignments etc) so we’re in the airport and realise he’s parked 15 mins away from the terminal which was a struggle getting to it - rather than just remember which terminal I’d said go to or I don’t know look at his phone at the numerous reminders he parked ages away.

We’re in car on the way back and ds for first time in days tells us he’s hungry I asked dp if there was food in, he said no he hadn’t been shopping all week as he’d liven off take aways. I said any bread at all? Nope was the answer there might be some milk.

Driving home he pulls up outside Aldi and I ask what he’s gonna get - his reply “oh I thought you’d wanna go in food shopping as there wasn’t anything else in”.

I did, came home made ds’s dinner, put shopping away, removed a drink from the kitchen table with mould in from the night we left for the airport and removed dead flowers from the hall. I’ve cleaned the kitchen floor and put a wash on and have finally come for a few hours but he genuinely can’t understand why I’m pissed off...

I’ve just had ds to myself sick all week long - barely any sleep, jet lag, chest infection allergies, I could go on and on but am I expecting too much to expect a little food in the house for when we got home - he knew what date it was. He even said on the way home oh it won’t take me 5 mins to go in and get some bread. That’s the point he’s had the last week to use those 5 mins but found the time to play halo constantly instead. 🙄

Would your do have the foresight to get something in for ds at least. I can sort myself out he can’t and I’d like to be 50/50 realising this yet it’s not.

OP posts:
SimonJT · 23/02/2020 14:00

I had an overnight hospital stay with my son recently, broken arm so not an expected visit. My boyfriend doesn’t live with us, but we got home the next day and he’d done laundry, cleaned the mess I had left in the kitchen, been shopping, cleaned the cats litter tray, bought my son a new toy to keep him amused so I could have a nap and made our usual saturday breakfast (pancakes) once I’d had a nap.

I wouldn’t be annoyed about airport parking, if I was you with a live in partner I would have been annoyed about the lack of food. I however would have told him I was annoyed and heavily suggested he got his arse out the car to go shopping.

mindutopia · 23/02/2020 14:03

Dh probably wouldn’t have done a full food shop because he knows I prefer to meal plan and would rather go myself (but not straight out of the airport). But he would have cleaned the house and had milk, etc and he would have run in to the shop on the way back to get something easy for dinner and some breakfast and any other basics.

Hope you had a lovely time, despite the sickness. I take dd away every year just the 2 of us (sometimes ds but he’s younger) and it’s lovely.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/02/2020 14:03

SimonJT
I think that's a bit different to you having gone away on holiday though TBF.

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RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 23/02/2020 14:04

I'm sorry you've been ill, but I do think you're expecting dp to read your mind a bit. Mine might have thought to get something in, or might not - but if I'd asked him to grab some bread/milk/cheese etc ready for me getting back, he'd have done it. I don't understand why you didn't ask him to/check if he had before he met you.

veryphishy · 23/02/2020 14:05

When I go away whether it's for work or a holiday my partner will have shopped, probably texted to ask what I fancy for dinner and will cook or order something.

The least you could have expected is a clean house and a loaf and some milk.

He sounds like a selfish dick, I hope he had good qualities to make up for it.

Oakmaiden · 23/02/2020 14:06

I dunno. You were away on holiday, not down the mines...

LovingLola · 23/02/2020 14:06

I don't understand why you didn't ask him to/check if he had before he met you.

Presumably because he is an adult. A father.
Not a young teenager.

TorkTorkBam · 23/02/2020 14:07

Why did you clear up his mouldy mug off the table?

Where was he?

MySweetLittleTriffid · 23/02/2020 14:11

I'm away this weekend with our DS, I'll make sure there's food in for DH (who will be doing 12 hour shifts) and will expect to come home to the house as clean and tidy as I left it.

Wouldn't expect or want him to do a big food shop, but would expect there to be bread, milk, cheese etc in.

Airport, he'd probably have insisted we stay in one place and go and get the car to collect us.

Your dp sounds disgusting with the moulding food and drink. My 3yo can tell when flowers are dead and need to go in the bin.

FemiLANGul · 23/02/2020 14:14

No, it just seems strange that op (and pp on here) think DH should have done a big shop ready for when op gets back from holiday

Where did she say that? He didn't even have basics like milk and bread in which is not unreasonable to expect

RandomMess · 23/02/2020 14:15

What person that has been away ill for a week looking after an ill child is going to want to do even a quick food shop let alone a big one Shock

Why was he incapable of cooking for himself for a week that he had to have take away and had plenty of time to play Halo but not to keep the place as tidy as when you left... these are basic adult skills.

user1493413286 · 23/02/2020 14:17

My DH would have had some basic food in even if he hadn’t done a full shop. Years of coming back to a messy house and having a go at him have also made him have a quick tidy up when I come back after a couple of days away

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 23/02/2020 14:17

I had almost exactly the same scenario. Took my 8yr old DS away for a week with my parents. Hadn’t been well but made the best of it. DP couldn’t come with us due to work commitments.

I was worried as DP is a pretty slack housekeeper usually. We came home to a beautifully clean house and a fridge stocked full of our favourites. It was a lovely gesture.

I would not be happy at all if I were you.

user1493413286 · 23/02/2020 14:18

In all honesty though I wouldn’t have come back and done all those things; i’d have told him in no uncertain terms to sort things out

Hedgehogblues · 23/02/2020 14:19

So much excusing of manchildren on this thread

cstaff · 23/02/2020 14:19

The least he should have done was get in the basics, not necessarily a full shop although that would have been very thoughtful. Why do we expect different things from men. If this was the other way around and he came home to a dirty house and empty fridge, how would he have reacted. The difference is that you wouldn't do it and he wouldn't expect a dirty empty kitchen from you.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/02/2020 14:21

Why was he incapable of cooking for himself for a week that he had to have take away and had plenty of time to play Halo but not to keep the place as tidy as when you left

And you know that how? If he's in 3rd year is he in his final year? Is he getting ready for finals, doing his dissertation, finishing his work for assessments? My dd is in her final year and she's working flat out now. Certainly not playing halo.

I've only taken my DC away on holiday once because my DH leave was cancelled. I got food in before we left, cleaned, did the washing etc. When I got home he'd done the housework, washing done and food shop done. That's fair surely?

Scunnnnnered · 23/02/2020 14:21

torktorkbarn

How the fuck do you get that he’s a cocklodger? Would you say the same if it was a woman at uni?

FFSFFSFFS · 23/02/2020 14:21

The least he should have done was get in the basics, not necessarily a full shop although that would have been very thoughtful

Why not a full shop?

He's a third year student. He should be basically running the household to be frank.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 23/02/2020 14:21

I did, came home made ds’s dinner, put shopping away, removed a drink from the kitchen table with mould in from the night we left for the airport and removed dead flowers from the hall. I’ve cleaned the kitchen floor and put a wash on

Yes he's a been a manchild, but all of that above is on you. You could have asked him to get the shopping while you waited in the car; he could have made the meal. And the floor washing and flower tidying seems more like a deliberately PA move on your part because you could have just not bothered till tomorrow and got to bed a lot sooner.

Ironfloor269 · 23/02/2020 14:23

I've taken DD out on day trips and DH has come home after work and had a takeaway ready for us upon our return. If it's a weekend, he'd have cooked and cleaned the kitchen.

Userpompom · 23/02/2020 14:23

Does he normally behave like a teenager?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/02/2020 14:25

He's a third year student. He should be basically running the household to be frank.

Why?

WhatTiggersDoBest · 23/02/2020 14:27

YANBU. You need to stop tidying up etc for him. Make it clear you are not his mother and he needs to take responsibility for his family and take personal responsibility for housework. He should know how to look around him and see what jobs need doing, it's not your job to do his thinking for him.

TorkTorkBam · 23/02/2020 14:30

Scunnered I know several men and women who have become mature students. None would leave the mug going mouldy while they play Halo. All are very conscious of the impact on the family of one person taking three years out to study. They make extra effort to pull together.

I assumed he was a new boyfriend what with being an art student, not going on holiday with the eight year old, not caring about the state of the house, playing video games instead of doing the shop, not getting the house set for two sick people coming home. Furthermore art students have no money and not much prospect of money. The only person I know who went to uni for the arts as an adult was rich so money was no object.

That's why I thought recent cocklodger not father and long term partner.

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