What would your dp/Dh do in this situation?

[Tinaarena]

Genuinely interested to hear if I’m being unreasonable here or not (and FYI I don’t think I am at all).

I’ve just got back from Holiday With ds (8). It was lovely and hellish simultaneously, ds has a tummy bug and had severe d&v whilst there, I had a chest infection to the point I was coughing and making myself sick from doing so. I need a holiday to get over it but we managed to somehow have a lovely time and do what we could manage.

After travelling for the last 16 hours we arrived back this morning at 10.00. Dp collected us (he’s not been able to come due to university assignments etc) so we’re in the airport and realise he’s parked 15 mins away from the terminal which was a struggle getting to it - rather than just remember which terminal I’d said go to or I don’t know look at his phone at the numerous reminders he parked ages away.

We’re in car on the way back and ds for first time in days tells us he’s hungry I asked dp if there was food in, he said no he hadn’t been shopping all week as he’d liven off take aways. I said any bread at all? Nope was the answer there might be some milk.

Driving home he pulls up outside Aldi and I ask what he’s gonna get - his reply “oh I thought you’d wanna go in food shopping as there wasn’t anything else in”.

I did, came home made ds’s dinner, put shopping away, removed a drink from the kitchen table with mould in from the night we left for the airport and removed dead flowers from the hall. I’ve cleaned the kitchen floor and put a wash on and have finally come for a few hours but he genuinely can’t understand why I’m pissed off...

I’ve just had ds to myself sick all week long - barely any sleep, jet lag, chest infection allergies, I could go on and on but am I expecting too much to expect a little food in the house for when we got home - he knew what date it was. He even said on the way home oh it won’t take me 5 mins to go in and get some bread. That’s the point he’s had the last week to use those 5 mins but found the time to play halo constantly instead. 🙄

Would your do have the foresight to get something in for ds at least. I can sort myself out he can’t and I’d like to be 50/50 realising this yet it’s not.

I don't know here - you've been away on holiday and he's been stuck at home working it wasn't his fault that you were unwell.

It's his fault about the mould and dead flowers though. He should've kept the place to a reasonable standard of cleanliness, because he's a grown up.

The house a mess...no food in.....doesn't know when his child is going back to school....twat, twat, twat.

Seriously? So dead flowers in a vase, kitchen floor needs cleaning and a mouldy cup (ok, I agree that's wrong) = house is a mess?

And no milk, bread or sandwich stuff = no food in?

And those combined = twat and manchild?

This really is just silly. Having read the ops other threads there is clearly much more going on but honestly, if you just take this thread, I cannot see what the big deal is.

If the house really was a tip, as in no washing done, bins overflowing, sink full of washing up, bathroom disgusting then yes I'd be annoyed. Cupboards and freezer bare like old mother Hubbard's kitchen then yes I would be pissed off but just going on what the op has written I don't don't get it.

Ok, so.no milk.or bread in - could you not just have asked him to pop to the shop once you got home? Was it really that big of a deal? And if the airport parking really was a non issue for you why did you mention it? Obviously it was an issue even though I can't see how that was his fault.

He should've kept the place to a reasonable standard of cleanliness, because he's a grown up.

So 2 tiny little things mean that he didn't maintain a reasonable standard of cleanliness? I'd wager that most houses, day to day, have more dirt than just a vase of dead flowers and a dirty cup in them.

It's a mouldy cup, having been left there for an entire week. Not just dirty. That's fucking nasty. I would certainly not wager that most houses day to day have that lying around.

DH is a bit oblivious at times, but when I've been away with the kids without him (he's a teacher so it wasn't unheard of for me to visit family or go away with my mum when they were younger and outside of school holidays) he'd have milk, bread, cereal etc in and the house would have had a cursory clean and the laundry done, even with working full time and keeping up with his other commitments.

This post reminded me of my aunt. When she had my cousin 30 something years ago she had to stay in hospital for two weeks after the birth. When she got home she found that her husband hadn't changed the sheets, and had slept on the sofa the entire time. Her waters had gone in bed...

MarchDaffs

I know it's a mouldy cup, and I said previously that was not on but even so, 1 dirty cup doesn't equate to the house being a tip etc etc does it?

Maybe most houses don't have a mouldy cup but I imagine most houses have areas that are t perfect. It seems a bit ridiculous for him to be labelled a cocklodger over a mouldy cup doesn't it?

Well in the post you made to me, you said it was dirty, which is different to mouldy. Leaving a cup to fester for a week is gross, shouldn't be conflated with merely not perfect and there simply isn't any excuse for it. If you've an issue with him being called a cocklodger on that basis by all means take that up with whoever posted it, meanwhile my post about how a grown up ought to have kept the place to a reasonable standard of cleanliness remains accurate.

But leaving a cup to go mouldy doesn't equate, to me, as the entire house not being in a reasonable state of cleanliness. It's one cup that was not clean, gross, whatever, not the whole house.

I bet there are plenty of houses where the bins are overflowing in the kitchen - that's more of an issue to me than 1 mouldy cup. Yes, it's not great and I would have had a moan about it but would I have started a thread, decided that my marriage was probably over, calked someone a cocklodger, manchild or a twat on the basis of a mouldy cup? No, because I'm not perfect and no doubt do a million equally annoying things too.

If he has left a cup to fester and go mouldy for a week, that isn't keeping the house to a reasonable state of cleanliness. It's a really, really basic thing to do and there is absolutely zero excuse for an adult having done that, especially one who hasn't had to do anything much else in the interim.

It's perfectly possible to accept this whilst also disagreeing with some of the other comments and the OPs decision to post.

hearhooves After a/s your replies to threads I see you like to play devils advocate - a lot!

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this point. You lost me when you said I could have done an online shop while dealing with a chest infection and a child with ongoing d&v, alone in a different country.

I actually laughed at that reply, As I couldnt believe what I was reading.

Thanks for all the replies who realised I was venting and just needed an outlet rather than go back into my backstory and keep dragging it up on every post to make their points valid.

Not playing devil's advocate at all op. I just found the points raised in your op a bit odd to be so upset about, to the point that I actually asked if there was a backstory, which you denied. Having done an a/s I see that there is a massive backstory which has obviously made this incident the straw that broke the camel's back.

I just would not be outraged if I'd gone on holiday, leaving my DH behind working, to come home and find that we were out of bread and milk.

TBH I would have shown more care for someone I was in house-share with, neighbour or friend!!!

Someone returns home having been ill, looking after an ill child and you don't care enough to get some basics in...

Yes, I'm sure OPs DH kept the house clean but just left a single cup to go mouldy because..?

Lmao

Yes, I'm sure OPs DH kept the house clean but just left a single cup to go mouldy because..?

Op says the cup was there from the night before she went away. Was it her cup and he left it there to prove a point?

Given the list of grievances that the op had I think she would have said had there been more major transgressions because it would have made him look worse tbh.

It would have been a nice gesture to have brought bread, milk and maybe some fresh flowers. Sadly that is beneath some men who would rather play with toys (computer games).