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Original poster

What would your dp/Dh do in this situation?

142 replies

Tinaarena · 23/02/2020 13:36

Genuinely interested to hear if I’m being unreasonable here or not (and FYI I don’t think I am at all).

I’ve just got back from Holiday With ds (8). It was lovely and hellish simultaneously, ds has a tummy bug and had severe d&v whilst there, I had a chest infection to the point I was coughing and making myself sick from doing so. I need a holiday to get over it but we managed to somehow have a lovely time and do what we could manage.

After travelling for the last 16 hours we arrived back this morning at 10.00. Dp collected us (he’s not been able to come due to university assignments etc) so we’re in the airport and realise he’s parked 15 mins away from the terminal which was a struggle getting to it - rather than just remember which terminal I’d said go to or I don’t know look at his phone at the numerous reminders he parked ages away.

We’re in car on the way back and ds for first time in days tells us he’s hungry I asked dp if there was food in, he said no he hadn’t been shopping all week as he’d liven off take aways. I said any bread at all? Nope was the answer there might be some milk.

Driving home he pulls up outside Aldi and I ask what he’s gonna get - his reply “oh I thought you’d wanna go in food shopping as there wasn’t anything else in”.

I did, came home made ds’s dinner, put shopping away, removed a drink from the kitchen table with mould in from the night we left for the airport and removed dead flowers from the hall. I’ve cleaned the kitchen floor and put a wash on and have finally come for a few hours but he genuinely can’t understand why I’m pissed off...

I’ve just had ds to myself sick all week long - barely any sleep, jet lag, chest infection allergies, I could go on and on but am I expecting too much to expect a little food in the house for when we got home - he knew what date it was. He even said on the way home oh it won’t take me 5 mins to go in and get some bread. That’s the point he’s had the last week to use those 5 mins but found the time to play halo constantly instead. 🙄

Would your do have the foresight to get something in for ds at least. I can sort myself out he can’t and I’d like to be 50/50 realising this yet it’s not.

OP posts:
Wallowinginfilth · 23/02/2020 14:31

I think pps are forgetting how stressful the final year of a degree is? And art students don't do exams so it's all coursework.

However, he seems to lack any care and attention for you and his son. He strikes me as very selfish. Did he know you were ill?

Leaving a cup out the entire time you were on holiday? Grim. Even if you had your soon very young your dp is too old for that shit.

Sorry op Flowers

Wallowinginfilth · 23/02/2020 14:31

*son not soon

FourDecades · 23/02/2020 14:35

YABVU. FFS OP.... you know having a penis means he can't possibly think of anyone else and that the mental load can only fall on those who have ovaries...

lighthearted ..sort of... l know there are many decent men out there

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

8 year olds
bigchris · 23/02/2020 14:35

Takeaways for a week is gross not to mention the expense

Do you usually do all the parenting, cleaning and shopping ?

You picked the wrong man, they're not all like this

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/02/2020 14:36

not caring about the state of the house,

But all op has said was that the flowers were dead, the kitchen floor needed cleaning a there was a mouldy cup on the table (that's gross). It's hardly a scene of devastation is it?

EngagedAgain · 23/02/2020 14:37

I'm with the OP with all of it. 15 min walk when you're not feeling well seems like miles. She shouldn't have to think of food for when she gets back. Then for him to want her to go into the shop. Then he probably expected her to prepare a meal too. Basically it's selfish and thoughtless, and doubt he'll get any better. It's ok all the time one is well, but shit when you're ill, and then still have to run around after them. I've done it many times myself, before finally realising I'd had enough.

labazsisgoingmad · 23/02/2020 14:38

At one time i would have said typical man but i must admit my dp is better at cleaning and tidying than me. thank you mil you may have had 3 boys but you brought them up well! personally i think a quick text or call to remind him to get some bread milk and whatever other basics you think would have done for a quick meal. sorry you had to cope with everything you did on holiday and it was not a very good welcome home Flowers

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 23/02/2020 14:40

Totally out of order. My husband would have the house immaculate, food in and a meal waiting. I'd be furious too.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/02/2020 14:42

Oh op, just done an AS and there is a massive backstory here.

pjmask · 23/02/2020 14:44

it just seems strange that op (and pp on here) think DH should have done a big shop ready for when op gets back from holiday but that it's unreasonable for op to have made sure there was good in the house for DH while she was away.Sure, he's capable to go shopping for himself but then op could go shopping today, no?

  1. Op has been ill
  2. Ds has been ill
  3. Op has a child with her. DH has not had a child with him.
  4. He has not had to work. He did not want to go on the holiday. He wanted his ds to experience it with no effort or inconvenience to himself.

But yes, it's indeed unreasonable for op not to have filled the cupboards with food for DH before she went away, and it would have been completely unreasonable for DH to have got a few basic food staples in for his child knowing he was arriving home and both he and op had been unwell.

Ffs.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/02/2020 14:46

15 min walk when you're not feeling well seems like miles.

That's silly. Our local airport and the short stay car park is mike's away. You can't just park where you feel like.

Even just dropping off, without waiting, you have to pay for.

What airport makes a big difference. Try going to Gatwick and parking closer than a 15 minute walk. Try going to Stansted - you have to get a bus from the short stay car park to the terminal building. That's hardly his fault.

Oldraver · 23/02/2020 14:48

OH would of been perfectly capable of buying in food and would of asked if there was anything I wanted him to buy before I returned home

But then he isnt a lazy twat

RandomMess · 23/02/2020 14:51

Are you and DP currently "trying" to rebuild your relationship or are you living in a house share?

If this is him trying to work on things get rid...

user1471449295 · 23/02/2020 14:53

He’s been a selfish man child

iklboo · 23/02/2020 15:09

DH would definitely have parked as close as he could to the terminal, would have got food in, and probably some of mine & DS's favourite stuff.

The recycling would have developed a life of its own and the washing would have started its own civilisation though.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 23/02/2020 15:16

He has not had to work

So all students currently in their 3rd year of uni are relaxing and taking it easy are they? Only, all the ones that I know are currently working their socks off, finishing course work, dissertations and prepping for finals. Made worse by the strike action of the lecturers meaning that they're also having to teach themselves the remainder of the work too, but no, according to Mumsnet they're all just lazy cocklodgers, playing halo all day.

RandomMess · 23/02/2020 15:17

It was the Op that said he had been playing Halo all day 🤷🏽‍♀️ I presumed she had noticed the log of usage on the console rather than made that up...

FourDecades · 23/02/2020 15:57

@Tinaarena are you back together then as previous threads have said you had split.

roarfeckingroar · 23/02/2020 15:58

DP would be at the right place to pick us up, the house would have decent usual food plus probably fresh flowers and a few nice bits for me, the house would be clean.

HollowTalk · 23/02/2020 16:02

I can't believe you got out of the car to go into the supermarket. If he was too lazy to get food in beforehand, the least he could've done was to drop you off at the house and then go shopping himself.

He does sound really selfish and lazy.

PickAChew · 23/02/2020 16:05

The house wouldn't be as clean as I'd left it, but stuff wouldn't have been left to rotand the only takeaway would have been after my return, if I didn't fancy any of the food he'd bought.

TSSDNCOP · 23/02/2020 16:06

The airport parking would have been a fuck up, because it always is and feels worse when you’re the traveller.

The shopping would’ve been the work of 15 mins for an online shop from the hotel before leaving.

The cup isn’t good, granted.

iklboo · 23/02/2020 16:08

So all students currently in their 3rd year of uni are relaxing and taking it easy are they? Only, all the ones that I know are currently working their socks off, finishing course work, dissertations and prepping for finals.

They'd still probably manage to get some food in, tidy up a bit and cook for themselves unless they lived with their parents.

Runnerduck34 · 23/02/2020 16:11

That is shit, sounds like he isn't really an adult capable of looking after himself let alone a child. I'd be pissed off.
DH would have managed to get basic shipping in but probably not a full shop , I doubt he would have done much if any cleaning and might not have noticed if there were dead flowers in the hall but would have hopefully noticed mouldy / food drink on kitchen side!

missanony · 23/02/2020 16:20

The house would be clean enough and there would be food in.

If dh went away the house would be spotless but there might not be food in Grin

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