If you have physically well parents of 70+ how do they pass time?

[phivephatphish]

My DM is in her 70s. Very fit, walks the dog 2miles a day, keeps her own 1/2 acre garden in check, goes to 2 exercise classes a week, is in a knitting group, active in the local church, does some childcare, catches up with friends. We are staying with the in laws this week. Same age, both healthy. FIL sits in front of the computer reading nonsense all day. MIL incessantly cleans her already clean house. In the 10 years I’ve known them I’ve never met or heard of a friend. They live too far away to do childcare (and we wouldn’t let them anyway). They have no hobbies, no activities they do, no groups they are in. They aren’t constrained by finance. It feels like a prison sentence by choice. I’ve made many suggestions over the years to no avail. I can’t understand anyone choosing to live like this.

Mum - gardening - they have 1/3 acre, parish council, WI (meetings and on committee), parish magazine, village hall association committee, Rummikub group with friends, village history society, bowls, and probably other stuff I don't know about.

Dad - also gardening, and TV.

They are mid-70's and together.

U3A classes and activities, Rotary activities and volunteering plus golf, walking and meals in/out with people he's met at these things. The man has more of a social life than me. However all of that came about after the death of my mother who wouldn't let him out or go out herself, with him or not.

Some people just don't want or need others in their lives - they aren't going to suddenly become sociable at 65.

Dad (widowed) has a better social life than me. Various clubs and groups during the day, he goes to the gym and walks a lot. lots of friends, always out watching films, musicals, opera, he does the pub quiz once a week on a Wednesday evening.

I've given up ringing the house phone as he's never in.

my parents do loads.
Members of U3A, so then gardening club, german conversation club, supper club, men's business beakfasts, watch the rugby, do the garden, sewing, looking after grandkids, theatre, dinners out, friends

If i wnat to see them I have to book in advance!

70s parents. They go out for lunch or shopping occasionally, but only once a week and only when it's not school holidays due to the crowds. Other than that, they keep a spotless house, an impeccable car, a manicured garden. DF does DIY in the house. The rest of their time is either on the internet or watching television, from what I can see.

I figure they must be happy with this lifestyle, otherwise they'd do something to change it.

Why so critical of pil? Does it matter if they don't meet your exacting criteria for over 70s daily activities?

Lots of church stuff, some child care, 2 choirs, I think two walking groups, her garden & chickens. Book club. Exercise DVDS. She volunteered abroad a couple of months a year until recently. She’s mid 70s.

My both dm and dmil keep themselves busy. Dm does a couple of exercise classes and a walking group, gardens and belongs to a variety of other clubs (art history, family history, a local film group). She enjoys the University of the Third Age and goes to a fair few lectures and trips away with them. She also babysit for our dc a lot (has them a day a week after school plus various ad hoc things). She often joins us on days out with the dc.

Dmil has a lot of friends and volunteers at a local primary school and a cancer hospice. She still sees the bereavement group from when dfil died and she has a new partner met through this group.

I can't imagine being happy just staying at home, but there's nothing wrong with it if they are.

They have no hobbies, no activities they do, no groups they are in. They aren’t constrained by finance. It feels like a prison sentence by choice. I’ve made many suggestions over the years to no avail

Are they complaining or unhappy about it?

Because if not, it sounds like you're judging them for not being like you - everyone is different and if they're happy with the way they spend their days, it's not a problem, is it?

50% dog, 40% grandchildren, 10% trolling people on Facebook as far as I can glean

My mum had a great social life in her 70s. Ballroom dancing a couple of nights a week. Round to a mates another couple of night for a few glasses of wine and a lengthy gossip. Would go shopping into Manchester or other busy cities regularly. Theatre trips, coach trips, lunch out several times a week.

@phivephatphish that's exactly our situation. Last 20 years my parents were busy in garden, charity work etc etc. PIL did nothing. Parents aged well. PIL are both ill. It's so important to keep active and have friends!

DDad 72. Despite recent prostate cancer treatment he is fit and well. He walks several miles each day, and if not just walking he'll get it in by playing golf.

He reads the Guardian from cover to cover (always has). He has helped out various local businesses, as he is a very astute businessman (or was).

He has me and DD also DSis and family local who he visits and who visit him. Also excellent relationship with ex-DSM and spends time with her. He also follows the local rugby club and goes to most games, then retiees to the club for a few beers of a Saturday night. Oh and he also has a sort of lady friend, when he can fit her in!

He's also taken up gardening in recent years. Very geometric, tidy gardening 😂

My mum volunteers in the local primary school as a reading support assistant, sings in a choir, runs a book club and does lots of dressmaking. My dad is not fully physically able, but spends lots of time on electronics projects, making things, and reading books that make him feel superior to other people.

I don't think it's necessarily to do with age. My parents were always like this...didn't do much of have friends and only ever left the house together. It always seemed odd to me but they seemed happy with it.

Just because your DM is a ball of activity doesn't mean that everyone else has to be, or that they're somehow deficient if they're not as active as her.

My 91 year old auntie is the same as your DM, minus the childcare. I (at 63) spend a lot of the time in front of the computer reading nonsense. I hate gardening, knitting and church, and have to nag myself to be active. I do do some volunteering, but I'm never going to be Mrs Superbusy. But I'm content, thank you, and would be pretty pissed off to be judged on my choices at 70.

Volunteering. I work with loads who volunteer - driving people or befriending (similar all up and down the country). Had one new driver say he enjoys it so much he'd do it even if expenses weren't covered!

But there are loads of different things tou can volunteer with - canal trusts, waterways, sports, CAB, computer classes, civic trust, gardening... Basically there is something for every interest.

My dad is on the streat pastor team. He is also in a choir. My mother plays hand bells with her church. They like travelling. They have a large garden. They like country walks.

Both parents in their early 70s: they help us a lot with childcare (not all day but a couple of school runs a week) my mum is a retired teacher so much to his delight she’s doing some extra maths lessons with my eldest. They have an allotment and do a lot of volunteering there. They’ve just done a load of work on their house, they go away, see lots of friend and they have an unsettling fondness for dark tv series like Breaking Bad, The Bridge etc. They enjoying waking and do a lot of that.

My Mum listens to me moan a lot

My Dad has also suddenly decided to learn Russian.

Is it bad that I’m quite jealous of their lives??

1. volunteering, friends
2. grows vegetables, coaches sports, birdwatching

My grandparents are late 70s/early 80s.

GM1: bridge, choir, reading, family visits, theatre.
GP1: family visits, occasional theatre or similar. Very poor mobility and spends large chunks of time indoors in his chair.
GM2: endless gym visits, active in local religious group, sees family
GP2: walks on treadmill at gym in suit and tie, some involvement with local religious group, sees family. Reads the Guardian cover to cover daily.

My dad is 88 and plays golf twice a week , mum is 86 and keeps 3 gardens looking beautiful. They go to the library, avid readers , do every crossword they can get their hands on . They go out for fish and chips every week.

Idleness is only fatal to the mediocre...

Let them be, if they are not depressed or made unwell by their lifestyle. I can’t think of anything more ghastly than a continuous circuit of the village worthy societies...

My parents live here in the US. They are ridiculously fit and have the most active social life.

Both 75 this year - and they are jointly members of 3 different gourmet clubs and have at least one weekend activity every week with those - sometimes two. They support a local woman and deliver meals and firewood to her weekly. They volunteer at events like the local county fair or the wine festival.

In addition, Dad is a member of his local Rotary, he raises money for building wells and sanitation equipment, stoves, etc... in Malawi (where he grew up), he volunteers at a local riding school for disabled veterans and according to my Mom, spends too much time online. He also maintains the horse farm my sister manages - building and repairing fences, jumps, etc and moving manure.

Mom is the vice president of her local woman's club, and will be president of her local district woman's club - she swears this is the last time. She sews and knits, and helps with 2 grandchildren who live close. She also works at the local Clothes Closet thrift store once a week.

I aspire to be like them, and just last night I was voted into my local chapter of the Woman's Club - my Mom is so excited. We do a lot of volunteer work, as well as nice social events too!

As a PP said, if they’re happy not socialising, then that’s their choice. They might have had an exhausting working life and now be glad of the time to just potter at home together.
Have you asked them?