If you have physically well parents of 70+ how do they pass time?

[phivephatphish]

My DM is in her 70s. Very fit, walks the dog 2miles a day, keeps her own 1/2 acre garden in check, goes to 2 exercise classes a week, is in a knitting group, active in the local church, does some childcare, catches up with friends. We are staying with the in laws this week. Same age, both healthy. FIL sits in front of the computer reading nonsense all day. MIL incessantly cleans her already clean house. In the 10 years I’ve known them I’ve never met or heard of a friend. They live too far away to do childcare (and we wouldn’t let them anyway). They have no hobbies, no activities they do, no groups they are in. They aren’t constrained by finance. It feels like a prison sentence by choice. I’ve made many suggestions over the years to no avail. I can’t understand anyone choosing to live like this.

My parents, 73. Mum goes to the gym or swims daily. Walks on the beach. Has my dc one day a week. Has other GC sometimes. Respite foster carers. Gardens. Go out for meals, see friends, go on holiday. They are busy! Dad does loads of fit and maintenance on all our houses. He has a couple of clients he still does small building jobs for.

In laws, same as you OP. Without the computor. FIL does the garden. They do have my youngest dc one day a week.

DF (widowed) early 70s plays bowls, snooker and squash regularly, still works part time, regional representative for national.organisation so local and national meetings and conferences, trustee of local charity, treasurer of local group, goes out for dinner or theatre with his female friend, gardens, walks....
He is almost never home, keeps himself busy. In summer he can be playing bowls 5 or 6 times a week, maybe a couple in the winter but he plays more snooker then.

My parents died young.

MIL - gardening, sewing, craft, she’s in a group that makes cards and sells them to raise money for the local hospital- so as well as the making and selling she does a lot of the admin for that, she was in other groups eg church flowers, some women’s committee or other but has stepped back a bit recently, meets a group of friends for lunch maybe once or twice a month, weekly keep fit for pensioners type class. Talks on the phone for hours and hours.

FIL - Bit of gardening too but at MIL’s direction, obsessed with our dog who they look after whilst we’re at work so between walking him, brushing him etc he also sits in the computer ‘researching’ everything possible about dogs and the particular breed.

They also spend most of the weekend and FIL one day in the week with FIL’s mother who is in her 90s - taking her shopping, doing bits round the house etc.

My dad is 82.

He spent the last 2.5 years of my mum's life looking after her.

Now he goes to church on a Sunday and socialises afterwards. He also gets involved in church fundraisers.

He is involved with a project called 'river pod' or 'African river pod' a member of the congregation has invented a device that turns water power into electricity. Eventually it will be a self sufficient entity in Kenya (deep fast flowing rivers), so it will be manufactured there and repaired there and hopefully be sold to other places from there. It's taking a while because it takes a while to get an engineering degree and you need graduates for the manufacture and maintenance.

He visits family in various parts of the country. When the weather is good he sits in the back garden with the neighbours for a beer or a wine.

He has developed an interest in linguistics.

Does the crossword in the paper.

Takes friends to hospital appointments.

Watches every episode of 'last of the summer wine'.

We have this disparity with my parents and in-laws
One set are busy most days of the week out and about meeting friends, walking group, church group, stuff.
The others barely leave the house unless they are away in holiday 3x a year. They get up have breakfast, have a nap, wake up make lunch after lunch nap, wake up for dinner, go to bed. It us really sad!

MIL 70, widowed last year, never has done anything, still doesn’t. Occasionally takes the bus alone into nearest city to see if any big ships have come in. Goes to ASDA. Visits son with MH issues same time every week.

Since she was widowed I’ve suggested some stuff, picked up some leaflets for her but she’s not interested.

The others barely leave the house unless they are away in holiday 3x a year. They get up have breakfast, have a nap, wake up make lunch after lunch nap, wake up for dinner, go to bed. It us really sad!

Why does it make you sad? Have they told you they’re unhappy and asked you to help them do something about it? Unless they have, it’s probably best you leave them to get on with enjoying life as they want to.

My parents are reasonably active still. They both socialise and get out of the house several times a week. Most of what they do is ultimately pointless, but I have no worries about them.

My parents-in-law are far less sociable and rarely go out for leisure, but they're happy in their unit of two. I have no worries about them either, until one of them dies...

My dad is 86 and my mum is 84. They both still work full time. My dad is an I.T specialist for a large company, my mum owns a boutique.
We did suggest that they retire and they looked at us like we had two heads.
When they're not at work they're off on holiday, or at weekends, my dad plays golf while my mum browses round department stores trying to decide if she really does need another pair of curtains or a new casserole dish 😂

They get up have breakfast, have a nap, wake up make lunch after lunch nap, wake up for dinner, go to bed. It us really sad!

This sounds nice, not sad.

My folks are amazing. 90 and not far off 90.
They play a lot of bridge, go horse racing, teach classes to retired folk, walk the dog, attend lots of funerals!
They are both very active, and have their house in tip top shape. Still driving, in fact got a lovely new car recently.
They are utterly fabulous, long may it last!

My DF (89) still sets his alarm for 6.30am every morning as he says 'he still has so much to do' .

I do think it is a lesson for all of us, to make sure we have plenty of independent friends and interests, not just to rely on a partner or family for our social lives.

My mother is 82.

She does meals on wheels for the old folk (!!!), Inner Wheel Group, a walking group, Red hatters group, is in a pub quiz club, and a gardening club. Oh, and a dinner club.

She does all her own housework, and gardening, sews, does her own groceries, makes the doctor's life entertaining, does all her own cooking from scratch, looks after her great grandchildren, is hugely involved in her daughter who lives near her and her family's life, and dog-sits for her daughter regularly.

She loves to read, and is an avid newshound, and very politically opinionated.

I find her inspiring, intimidating, and exhausting!

Only just 70, she does crafts, farm visits for schools, dog walks, cooking.

My nan used to visit family and go to cafes and bingo right up until she died at 80.

My parents are early 70s and go to the gym/swimming, look after my neices one day a week, see friends, do voluntary work and meet me for coffee on my days off!

My in laws are late 70s and although go out most days, it's to the same places (same day every week) and are always sat in their front room by 3pm watching telly. They rarely see friends and don't have much of a life in our opinion.

However both sets of parents are happy with their lot so I suppose it doesn't matter to us how they spend their days.

I've spent my whole life having to be somewhere and I am very much looking forward to lounging in my home watching crap TV. haha!

My dad is 84 and has done nothing since he retired at 70. He’s a burden to be honest. He was when he was still working - never really had any friends and was widowed at 60.

He blames me for being lonely and depressed.

My inlaws aren’t 70 yet but very similar. Have moved away to a place where they don’t know anyone. They are retired, have no hobbies or interests and very, very few friends. They don’t travel, they aren’t involved in any clubs. They have no plans for retirement. They just stay at home or wander round the same shops. It’s a huge contrast to my parents who are the same age.

I don’t know if they are happy. It seems very dull but apparently they have always been pe this. No goals or ambitions. And like a previous poster says, some people are just not very sociable / lack social skills and that doesn’t change as you get older.

First set of PILs have lots of hobbies, they enjoy gardening, sing in a local choir, go for walks, help at the local food bank, step MIL enjoys paining, FIL likes creative writing both in their 70s.

Second lot of PILs (one 71 one 69) enjoy walking also, MIL still works part time as she enjoys her work and step FIL uses this time to watch rugby or tinker in his shed at various DIY projects. MIL also enjoys gardening and FIL is a big reader.

My parents dont do anything, dad sleeps constantly or is on his laptop reading various tabloid newspaper websites, my mother is either cleaning or watching soaps on tv. Both hate gardening or walking and take the car everywhere. They dont enjoy any arts and crafts or read. Both in their 70s

This is how they all chose to live their lives and is none of my business. neither is right or wrong. They are all healthy and happy

Mum - endless housework. Childcare, dog care. Gardening. Exercise class. Shopping. TV.
Dad - gardening, DIY, local history, day trips, council meetings. Travelling to visit family.

75 year old DM is never in. Rotary, volunteering (National Trust and Food Bank), golf, badminton, tennis, lunches, committees, choir, U3A walks, various exercise classes, endless adventurous holidays (India, Vietnam, Japan, Cambodia, crossing Canada by train) and more sedate holidays, (walking in Italy/Portugal/Northumberland/the Lakes). She has a marvellous time.

In-laws go to Waitrose once a week and spend the rest of their time pottering about the house and are just as content.

DF: gardening, walking the dog ,visits pub, writing a book ,member of a creative writers group. Goes away with the writing group for weekends/ seminars.
DM: Plays tennis, walks the dog, sells things on eBay, plays bridge, visits the pub with DF.
Both mid 70's

To an extent I agree with pp that caution not to be condescending sad to pil. With young children and a full time job I intend to spend at least some of my retirement sitting on my backside doing what the hell I want. If I'm honest if one of the DC partners made pitying oh dear isn't it a waste eyes at this they would have the nearest tawdry book o was reading flung at their head...then I would blame age for my behaviour.

However I will say my DP are 70 and 72 and have never really been social butterfly and to be honest so wrapped up in each other they barely noticed us DC, and now it shows. They spend all day either pottering around the house or the rare visit to the supermarket. Df does play golf occasionally but to be honest he goes to great lengths not to have to interact with human beings. I slightly suspect he hides under the table at the 19th hole like my old cat did hissing at people walking past. As a rule dm favourite neighbour discussions when she ever interacts is how terrible it is people are travelling and having dinner parties and dont you know ita just not done ? Makes for fun conversation.

It is definitely ageing them physically and mentally faster than their peers so I've taken it as a somewhat cautionary tale. I shall instead temper my doing bugger all plan with taking up something ridiculous like armchair skydiving.

Basically if they are happy leave them be, if they are unhappy but unwilling to change leave them be, and dont do googley eyed pity. However you are right in that activity definitely has an effect on longevity and health but you can only lead a horse to water.

Are they happy with their lives?

My inlaws are 70+ and very active. They play tennis, go bowling. FIL was an accountant and still does lots of stuff on a voluntary basis for various charities. MIL volunteers at a church cafe/food bank and has done for 50 years. Then they have friends and holidays all over the world. They have a busier life than we do.